27/11/2025
The stress surrounding the PSLE has far less to do with 12-year-old children, and far more to do with the expectations of adults. It is the adults who panic, catastrophise, and project imagined doomsday scenarios onto a single set of results. Some try to live their unfulfilled dreams through their children. If parents can manage their expectations, if they stop conflating PSLE scores with destiny, the children will be more than okay.
Ben Leong wrote on his Facebook:
"A surprising new study is challenging long-held beliefs about success after researchers found that the sibling who made the worse grades in school is statistically more likely to become a millionaire later in life. "
Speaking from experience in my own family, this is definitely true.
The problem with having grades that are too good in school is that there are many riskless paths that will lead to comfortable lives.
That said, not sure why this article makes it sound like having a stable career that pays the bills is a bad thing. While it is true that the entrepreneurs make a lot more money (if they don't go bust), life should not be measured in dollars and cents.
PSLE results just got released yesterday and there is a lot of angst, as usual.
My take is it mostly stems from the inability of most parents to handle uncertainty well. The other issue is a matter of not being able to handle hard truths.
The reality is that most people are average and the vast majority of students are not going to make it to RI or RGS, or one of the other "top" schools. That's just how it is and people just need to teach their kids to deal with the hand that they are dealt with.
Our eldest daughter went to St Nicks Primary ('cos wife is an old girl). The daughter really wanted to go to St Nicks Secondary. As parents we were actually quite worried because given her trajectory, even if she got in, it was quite likely that she would scrap through by the skin of her teeth and be in the Express stream. I personally didn't think it was a good idea for her to go through 4 years of Secondary school being at the bottom of the cohort.
As it turns out, she barely missed the cutoff to get back St Nicks by a little bit and eventually ended up in a neighbourhood school. Of course, the daughter bawled her eyes out -- but her parents were pretty chill about it, and perhaps somewhat relieved.
Her experience in secondary school really wasn't bad. Her teachers were really caring. She even had the chance to go on stage when the O Level results were released. At St Nicks, there was no hope of this happening. With her results, she would still likely be at the bottom of the cohort.
Today she's in poly doing what she likes and she's happy.
When I talk to my ex-students (who now have their own kids) and younger parents. I told them: the most important thing for their kids when they grow up is 身心健康 (healthy body and soul).
Academics is something that is "can means can" one. When I was young, school was a walk in the park (and I never ever worried about exams or grades) -- but as it turns out, our kids don't have the same gifts. What is the point of imposing unreasonable expectations on them?
Even if they get damn good grades and end up in medical school, will they necessarily be happy?
It is not likely that our kids will ever make it to Harvard or MIT, but minimally, I am confident that they will grow up to be well-adjusted adults. If they grow up to make a lot of money, power to them; if they don't end up making so much money, then jolly well learn to make do with less. What's the big deal?
My wife and I hope that they will eventually find something they like to do when they grow up and lead meaningful lives. Every day, we also pray that they will grow up to marry good people.
