16/12/2025
I just finished a four day fast. Technically about ninety hours, which makes it the longest one I have done. The fourth night’s sleep was not great, but overall it went smoothly, and I noticed a real decrease in joint pain, probably from reduced inflammation.
I had hoped to rehab my hip this year. I have gotten stronger, but a recent MRI confirmed that there is a genuine joint issue. At this point in life, I do not see a realistic path back to an athletic outdoor life, even with a hip replacement. The pain is manageable, so for now I have decided to keep doing what I am doing in the gym and accept that my hiking days are likely behind me.
That kind of acceptance seems to be showing up in other areas too, less as resignation and more as a settling into what is actually there, the reality of my life.
When my old computer failed, I lost a large part of my photo archive. Everything else had been backed up, but not the photos. Being without a computer for a couple of weeks while it was unsuccessfully repaired, and then waiting for a new one to arrive, turned out to be unexpectedly revealing. It made me question what I actually get out of being online, and what I do not.
Some people have expressed concern about my increasing tendency to retreat into a smaller, quieter world. Others warn me about AI, or solitude, or disengagement. I understand the concern, but I do not feel genuinely lost. I feel like I am adjusting.
My wife is in a very active phase of her life right now, and I would not dream of asking her to slow down to match my pace. This is just another season of being together differently, and I want her to keep doing what she loves while she can.
There are social events coming up, Christmas gatherings and group meals, and I will go. I always do. But I have learned something about myself over the years. I am far better one on one. Big groups tend to leave me drained, not enriched. Knowing that does not make me less social. It just makes me more honest about where my energy actually lives.