10/03/2023
📲 🔙
I don’t even know where to start…
I’ve been rewriting this whole thing for more than a week by now… there are so much to tell, yet I can’t seem to find the right words. I’m not mentally ready, though I don’t think I ever would be.
Nobody tells me that once you’re away from social media, it’s hard to find your way back and how overwhelming it could be. After a long social hiatus, I feel like a caveman— so out of trend and no longer relevant, with the entire world you used to know moving forward, leaving you stuck in the past… how did this happen???
Well, actually I do know how it happened.
It’s a long story.
Water-down version: I lost myself, almost gave up, then I managed to pull through, and now I want to do better and do more.
This is why, despite the overloaded anxiety I’m feeling just to show up here, I know I have to do this. To be fair, I am also anxious for not being able to be on the socials. So really, either way, I’m anxious… might as well stop hiding 🤷🏻♀️
So, here I am, back in the world of social media.
And this time, I’m gonna stay a little longer. I am inviting you to be my witnesses and hold me accountable.
See you in the next post.
我從來沒想過想過離開社群平台一段時間、停止發文後，要再重新開始是多麼的困難。
老實說在個人使用上，我並不是那麼在乎社群媒體，這從我回覆訊息的頻率來看應該不難猜到。 但不論發不發文、發什麼文，都應該是我自己的選擇；而很不幸的，過去幾年的經歷卻限制住了我發文的自由，有太多不能說、不敢說、不願意說，到最後索性什麼都不說。
在經過長時間自我療癒、重新思考之後，現在面對的是不得不說… 過去的沈默並沒有讓我的生活更好過，心情也沒有比較不沉重，外人也還是看出我過得不是很好，什麼目的都沒達到，那我何必再堅持悶著傷身傷神？所以不躲了，連語言的屏障都蛻去，這也是為什麼再困難、中文能力再退化，還是堅持要花時間另外寫下中文內容…… 這樣也才真正算是完整交代、勇敢面對。
焦慮許久，終於做好決定、寫完這篇
我回來了。
