03/09/2026
This time two years ago I traveled to Mobile, AL to spend the weekend doing EMDR with my therapist Jen.
To be 100% transparent, the only reason I was doing this was to help myself be comfortable with my ex-husband touching me again. We had taken a break due to me having a breakdown and panic attack that almost sent me to the hospital. Our Christian marriage counselor had us practicing “safe touch” but I couldn’t handle it. My whole body would tense and my heart would race (and not in a good way 💅🏼)
and I was so frustrated because my body wasn’t cooperating.
I felt like if I could move past that - everything would be normal again and I would be able to go back to my happy life.
The exact opposite happened. My brain brought up so many suppressed memories that I sobbed, realizing all that I had lived through. It wasn’t one incidence, it was a pattern since we had started dating. I FaceTimed him that afternoon and told him I was moving to my own bed upstairs when I came home.
The lies/beliefs I was working through during the sessions were:
“My needs are not worth disruption or inconvenience.”
“I can’t trust myself to make decisions and I blame myself when something bad happens.”
I left that weekend with more clarity and peace than I had felt in years. It gave me the courage to face the truth (“He desires TRUTH in the innermost being.”) and no longer live in delusion. I took the first brave step in saying “Actually, my needs matter too.”
Two years later I am still working to untangle those beliefs about myself. But I’ve made SO much progress! I am so incredibly proud of myself.