08/01/2025
Thank you all for your candid love, and for sharing your own relatable stories yesterday.
It’s so hard trying to get back to “normal”. Moving life forward, knowing people you loved aren’t here anymore.
It almost feels like I’m mourning two people right now. Like the first time I lost a loved one to addiction (a step father like figure to me), people acted like it didn’t happen.
So this time around, I’m feeling it hard. It’s wild. It’s sad. It’s scary. Something can just take over someone you know, and turn their wants and needs into something you’ve never seen before.
I will say, the first time, I will forever be grateful that person called me before he passed. This time, I didn’t get to say goodbye, I didn’t even see her in years, and those two together hurt so bad.
I’ll be heading home at the end of next week for services, and tbh, between then and now, I for sure expect a lot of ups and downs. I gotta give myself extra grace, to make room for what feels like two beautiful souls to stay in my heart forever.
It’s wild how grief can make you feel new passings but also old. This week I’ve cried for Chelsea. I’ve cried for Kenny. I’ve cried for Luna. And I’ve cried for grandparents who never got to see adult Leah. I know it’s normal. Has to be. But it doesn’t make it easy.
Being a person who carries emotions deep, is hard any day or month of the year. It’s hard being someone who can absorb others emotions, but who can also easily push their emotions onto others. I try to keep to myself for that reason, but dang. In the last two days, I have felt the power of talking about it. It helps. It helps tremendously. It makes me wish I talked about Kenny when he passed, because if I had, I might not be so deep in emotions right now.
But then again, loving people with addiction is really hard, so who knows how I’d feel. Truth is, our loved ones who suffer through addiction, ARE STILL PEOPLE. They are people who deserve love. They are people who should be cared about.
So pls hold, and stick with me while I process and try to get back to my normal routine. 💖