26/02/2023
Woke up with this reality:
Last summer - My stepmom shamed, embarrased, belittled, and made me feel guilty for trying to put MY FAMILY back together. Before the arrest came (from prior old crimes) I told my stepmonster Joey was for the first time in rehab, anger management, and therapy.
HE CAME TO ME. He told ME that OUR KIDS deserve a healthy parent. Most of you won’t know HE LEFT THIS HOUSE for a month, he cried daily, he sent pics, he told me he loved me. I opposed it and was very hurt. I understood but benny was so small & I needed Joey… 💔😞 It was SO HARD but we wanted to ALL be healthy, he was getting the help he needed. So was i and the kids at the same time.
So tell me this. When someone leaves an abusive partner everyone claps. Supports. Everyone is there to pick up the pieces of hurt and betrayal. That person is a strong, amazing human being who got up from ashes and rebuilt or whatever bu****it analogy you wanna insert.
I chose to walk away from a “parent” who targeted, tormented, belittled, and hated me FROM THE AGE OF 5. Someone who refused to ever let me talk. Who refused to hug me. Who told everyone my sister was perfect & she could “never have any more kids because i could never love anyone more.” Someone who told me daily “why are you like this… we do everything for you… if you could just LISTEN...” 🚩🚩 i was never ever bad. 😔
Someone i constantly did EVERYTHING to gain approval from. I only ever wanted love. Too bad i never knew that was impossible… after 37 years of trying the smoke was finally *cleared* and the truth set me mf freeeeeeeee ✨
My ”family” (stepmom leading, but sister/dad & stepmoms whole family) blocked me for speaking out about HER abuse. I’m not saying she’s evil to everyone. I’m saying she was MY abuser. That’s MY right as a human being.
Where’s my support from family? They blocked me. Where’s my group of people clapping for me in the corner? They ARE there. In the form of my mom, best friends, my family i DO have. Joey & the kids.
Be really careful about what you believe. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how hurt all of this made me. Most days I’m suicidal 9.5/10 but i push on because if i quit - SHE WINS. My kids lose. My love loses. I lose.
My God I’m trying so hard. 😭😔😞💔
