!! BREAKING FAKE NEWS !!
Over 500,000 Game of Thrones fans have signed a petition demanding HBO to remake the final season of the iconic show and an esteemed mental health scientist confirms this is actually a giant cry for help.
Dr. Tyrone L. Annister with the Boise Institute of Sadness has been studying the effects of the show on the mental health of its viewers for over eight years and compares the looming crisis with the current opioid crisis.
“For over eight years Game of Thrones fans have filled the empty void where their souls should be with a TV show and these characters have become their friends and family and helped ease the pain that is inevitable with such sad, empty lives.”
He went on to explain that just like any addiction, when you quit a drug cold turkey there will be a painful withdrawal period and this petition is simply a desperate attempt by addicts to get more of the drug, in this case, a TV show.
He continued, “Winter is coming for many of these fans. Some will survive by watching episodes over and over until they die, some with find an inner strength that will surprise anyone that knows them and they will not only survive but will mature as human beings and go on to live marginally interesting and worthwhile lives. Sadly, many will not survive and I expect a wave of Game of Thrones suicides starting on Monday May 20, 2019, the day after the series ends.”
But a wave of suicides apparently is not even the worst of it according to the doctor. “Death by suicide will actually be a blessing compared to what will happen to the weakest, the most vulnerable, the most ignorant and the most poorly educated of Game of Thrones fans who will desperately punish their souls and turn to a drug worse than any mankind has ever known.”
With a shaky voice and tears in his eyes the Doctor detailed the horrors to come, “these sad, stupid, pitiful creatures will become Trump supporters, a drug that is the closest thing mankind has ever experienced that could be compared to actually becoming a zombie. I have coined the phrase, The Walking Dead, for these poor creatures and if life was fair they would be put down and not be allowed to endure such misery. In our society we put a bullet in the head of race horses that break their legs and we kill rabid dogs but yet we allow these so-called human beings to continue to live and walk this earth fantasizing that their lives have meaning when it is much easier to argue the value a rabid dog brings to our society as compared to a Trump supporter.”
Dr. Tyrone L. Annister graduated from the University of Pitt County with a Bachelor of Arts in Eastern North Carolina style barbecue and earned his doctoral degree from the Romania University of Higher Learning and Hair Styling. Until he founded the Boise Institute of Sadness in 2011 he collected disability and worked part-time as a DJ at a local Boise gentleman’s club. When asked about the methodology he used in this study his response was, “I drink and I know things.”
If you do not have a life and wish to take the time, time you will never get back, you can sign the petition at https://www.change.org/p/hbo-remake-game-of-thrones-season-8-with-competent-writers?.
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