Hairy Farmpit Girls

Hairy Farmpit Girls Whenever you figure out what this page is about, will you let us know? We are nice to people and they are nice back. Support:
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Queer, female, goat, chicken, soap, yarn, tragically comedic jack of all trades, master of pun.

So my best friend, Stormy Daniels, and I had a long talk last night. Yes, THE Stormy Daniels.I think that these photos a...
11/14/2025

So my best friend, Stormy Daniels, and I had a long talk last night.

Yes, THE Stormy Daniels.

I think that these photos are rather self explanatory as to where the conversation went astray.

Image description: a series of photos of a rooster and a tape measure.

He's 7 inches long and 10 cm in diameter.

It was for science.

11/14/2025

Listen....i don't feel like I need to go into full detail as to exactly why ChickenTV is like this today.

A certain friend and I had a hilarious conversation last night and now she needs some measurements.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Tonight, it just feels important to be honest with myself.I have no idea how to attain all my life goals.I toss and I tu...
11/14/2025

Tonight, it just feels important to be honest with myself.

I have no idea how to attain all my life goals.

I toss and I turn. Long nights made longer by the fact that not only do I know the steps to get there but I don't know if I would even have my family's support.

One day, I want a swan. Like a real one. A trumpeter.

I want to hatch it from an egg and let it imprint to me. No one coming into the rookery until my cygnet and I have properly bonded, just so it can know for sure that I am it's one and only mother.

I'm might try out co-parenting large waterfowl with my wife, but I haven't made that call yet. I don't know how invested she is in all of this. She has rather questionable taste in women, present company included, so can I really trust her with my namesake?

I want to name the swan the obvious name of Junior.

Junior will love me and fight for me. I will no longer have to look at my LGD couch dogs as failures and can instead accept them as the couch eating, house horses we all know they are and were born to be.

I will have Junior now. And Junior will love me and I will win every marital argument about how to load the dishwasher from now on.

Because no one should fear their spouse. But everyone should respect their spouse's guard swan.

I just don't know how I'm ever going to afford a swan in this economy. Those things sell for like $5000.

Image description: a crocheted, reborn doll of a swan that hangs on my trophy/vision/wall that Jen let's me hang random things on board. It's vegan taxidermy and taller than a 4 year old.

Dear Marfa,You are a year old and weigh 90 lbs.  You can no longer be cast as "Puppy in the window".Image description: a...
11/13/2025

Dear Marfa,

You are a year old and weigh 90 lbs. You can no longer be cast as "Puppy in the window".

Image description: a 90 lb, monochromatic, cow print cat dog lays on a window sill, brain cell brain celling. Somewhat.

11/13/2025

It's a beautiful day to chicken and a beautiful day to chicken cuddle and admire those cheeks and beaks.

11/13/2025

Is it just the fact that I'm their mom that makes me think they are so different looking?

Like the whole twin mom thing?

And yes....im their real mom. Rocksplat was just a surrogate.

We got another huge haul of hats (from multiple people) to send off to the kids in Little Farmpit's Title 1 school.  We ...
11/12/2025

We got another huge haul of hats (from multiple people) to send off to the kids in Little Farmpit's Title 1 school. We have now reached exactly 100 hats to keep these kiddos warm and cozy this winter!

I am super excited about this and I would like to get a little sappy and explain exactly why I am so excited.

Some of you know this about me, some of you don't, but the career I had prior to whatever the hell this amazing thing that I do is, was in the child abuse system.

I have worked in foster homes, residential treatment facilities and my primary job, the one I was the absolute best at and the one that has left the biggest impact on me, was the time I spent as child abuse investigator down in one of the poorest counties in Florida with a Title 1 school system.

I have seen more than anyone should see. I have been in cold houses with no heat, lots of babies, and have paid someone else's power bill when I could barely pay my own. I have seen what it is like to have less than nothing.

Every case impacted me and while I really enjoy the job I do now, because its everything I needed to heal from the job I used to do, I never take those 13 years working with families on the worst days of their life, for granted.

I will never go back to working in that field. Hairy Farmpit Girls has afforded me the priviledge to not have to. It was too much with too little resources but I still want to help, just in my own way and without all the bureaucratic nonsense that goes along with asking permission rather than just doing the nice thing.

I am significantly happier now but since having Little Farmpit, I kind of want to mother absolutely everything, which is why I feel the personal responsibility of making sure every kid is warm this winter.

(My uterus may be dust in the wind but I'm perpetually broody.)

Not everyone has the privilege of being able to have a reliable heating system and many people are choosing between power, gas, medication or food.

While I want to see these hats as a sweet, whimsical way of treating the kids to something special and made with love, I know that one of them may be the hat that keeps a kid warm at night, well rested, and happy the next day.

I will never know who that kid is, nor will I know which hat. I don't need to. But by covering them all, we might be able to make one difference.

And the other's get pom poms.

It's a win win!

Thank you to everyone who is participating in this project. This next haul of hats will be sent out to another school bus to be passed out to all the kids on that route. The designs are amazing and I get giddy each time we receive one.

Now, only 540 left to go.

Image description: A haul of 33 brightly colored crocheted and knitted beanies. Some have pom poms, one has bells and 2 were sent as presents to Jen and I.

This project is an ongoing project that I am doing by trying to make 640 hats for kids. I am happily accepting anyone else who wants to make a hat, in any style, pom pom, bells or not. Just make them and send them!

11/12/2025

I think it's rather fair to say they were a little hungry this morning.

Damn!

I think my reputation of being a yarn fan has his the school system.Little Farmpit's bus driver, who is helping me pass ...
11/12/2025

I think my reputation of being a yarn fan has his the school system.

Little Farmpit's bus driver, who is helping me pass out hats, is an absolutely lovely woman and saw yarn for sale at a thrift store and just couldn't not buy it.

Yarn gifts are my favorite!

Image description: 5 skeins of yarn that will quickly be whipped up into something magical.

11/12/2025

Spindy Laupers little wings when she walks the plank are, like kinda everything.

So many people have dreamed about Stormy Daniels. Yes, THE Stormy Daniels.But how many people can say she's dreamed abou...
11/11/2025

So many people have dreamed about Stormy Daniels.

Yes, THE Stormy Daniels.

But how many people can say she's dreamed about them back?

I think I'm really rubbing off on her.

Image description: Stormy Daniels slipping into my DMs, telling me the dreams she's been having about me.

And emus.

And chariots.

And puns.

And, of course, Subaru of America, Inc. for good measure and product placement.

11/11/2025

I currently identify as silkie. I don't wanna today either.

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Bowman, GA

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http://patreon.com/hairyfarmpitgirls, https://linktr.ee/hairyfarmpitgirls

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