Hairy Farmpit Girls

Hairy Farmpit Girls Feral farm life as narrated by Swan Rubins; writer, comedian, perimenopausal rage crafter.
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Follow along for the family and farm adventures as we do whatever it is we do.
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Modern day post alert!As I imagined, the tissue paper floor ride is just as fun the second time around. I have posts se...
09/12/2026

Modern day post alert!

As I imagined, the tissue paper floor ride is just as fun the second time around. I have posts set to be released all the way through Monday as a way to kind of, just, like, enjoy the anxiety in real time, the way it was intended to be enjoyed in the first place.

But now, we have the joy of being able to look back and identify the mistakes, trials and tribulations that was FloorGate 2025. With that being said, I intend to write about a few various aspects of the whole floor fiasco, but, as I haven’t even begun yet, I want to know what you all have the most questions about.

Things I intend to write about:

The smell.

Items glued into the floor.

Daily chlorine gassing of spouse instead of couples therapy or compromise or Jen admitting I am right which I absolutely always was, so, instead of any of that, we just spent 10 months gassing each other during the day on weekdays.

How a celebrity crowned 2019 AVN Mainstream Star of the Year was involved in any of this.

The croc marks.

So, what questions do you have? What do you want answered first? Ask me anything!

Image description: a non modern day photo of a brunette woman taking a bathroom selfie. She's wearing workout attire and has a squealing, black, potbelly pig slung over her shoulder.

I'm posting this picture as a way to earn your trust in knowing you can really, really, ask me anything so I can figure out what to write next.

Also, I'm posting this picture as a way to show you that I am a badass with a pig over my shoulder, because that's what bad asses do.

November 20, 2025Yesterday morning, I woke up to a solid white, nicely primed floor.It had so much potential. I could ha...
09/12/2026

November 20, 2025

Yesterday morning, I woke up to a solid white, nicely primed floor.

It had so much potential.

I could have left it at that. No one would have batted an eye.

I had so much confidence.

Those videos online make it look so easy.

This morning, I awoke to this.

Tabbytha loves it, which is important, but I fear it might not be dry enough to poly coat it before thanksgiving.

Perhaps the lesson here is not to take on large projects right before hosting a holiday. I am sure I won't learn that and will find myself in a similar predicament next year.

It's so hard to trust the process when you are coming up with the process as you go.

Image description: an unhinged amount of tissue paper, modge podged to the floor. In the center of it, a small kitten contemplates art.

09/12/2026

I guess I could have worse vices...

09/12/2026

There was entirely too much going on in the silkies this morning....sorry for chaos!

09/12/2026

The ear camera came today!!

Oh my god! Trigger warning wax or something...but oh my god, I feel so validated!

November 19, 2025Ok...so I still have to do a few coats of polyurethane and am going to wait a day or two until the modg...
09/12/2026

November 19, 2025
Ok...so I still have to do a few coats of polyurethane and am going to wait a day or two until the modge podge and floor is completely dry.

Then I'm going to glitter and poly the hell out of it. And I need to cut the edges around so they don't overlap on the baseboards and all...but...

I LOVE IT! And I am done for the evening.

I've always been one to think a used paint palate is sexy so this floor is just a continuation of that.

Jen, however, said she doesn't and it looks like someone just threw paper all over the floor, which, essentially, she's not wrong but I DID try to consult her before I threw paper all over the floor.

She had her chance.

Image description: A girl threw paper all over the floor and then glued it down so its a blotchy rainbow of magic that will totally make due and make me happy until the point we can afford new floors.

Novrmber 19, 2025Ok. So the floor is completely covered in tissue paper now. I have not seen Jen since I asked her if I...
09/11/2026

Novrmber 19, 2025

Ok. So the floor is completely covered in tissue paper now.

I have not seen Jen since I asked her if I could run a new idea by her and she told me "I don't care what you do."

I am embracing her care free attitude.

I then took her carelessness and spent $9 tissue paper at the dollar general.

My plan is now to kinda water down the modge podge a bit and paint it onto the paper with a big roller. I'm hoping it will dry and show highlights of each tissue paper.

Later, after everything has dried and Jen has regrets of not weighing in on my flooring journey, I'll use glitter to cover up any slight imperfections and then polyurethane it.

Image description: a concerning image of vibrant trash strewn all around a dining room.
If this is your first time seeing this project, I request you to look back on all the posts from today before having me committed.

It's totally the next logical step in Thanksgiving prep.

November 19, 2025How unhinged would it be right now to inform y'all we rent?I mean, we don't but could you imagine?You k...
09/11/2026

November 19, 2025

How unhinged would it be right now to inform y'all we rent?

I mean, we don't but could you imagine?

You know how when you buy a new house or move and you start sprucing things up you often go "what were they thinking when they installed this this way?"

I have a feeling this floor is going to be my either my greatest legacy or someone else's greatest problem.

That's for the future to worry about.

Let's carry on!

Image description: tissue paper shredded all over a poxy epoxy floor of doom.
The day is just getting more and more questionable.

November 19, 2025Ok...new plan.I know some of you are REALLY invested in my dining room floor journey.Collectively, we h...
09/11/2026

November 19, 2025

Ok...new plan.

I know some of you are REALLY invested in my dining room floor journey.

Collectively, we have all decided it can't really get worse, right?

So, this is my new hairbrained idea.

There is no way I can wait until after Thanksgiving with that floor, so I might as well take the stickiness to my advantage.

So I just went out and bought a whole bunch of rainbow tissue paper.

What if I, like, modge podge them to my floor and then polyurethane coat it after?
Just to embrace the chaos.

(Weigh in if you want, because that's exactly what I am going to do, like, right now, without too much thought. You can tell me all your opinions (because this is the support group I needed) but I am still going to do it.)

Image description: 9 packs of tissue paper in every color of the rainbow.

November 19, 2025OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!I thought for sure the floor couldn't get worse. I mean, the dogs p*ed on it,...
09/11/2026

November 19, 2025

OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

I thought for sure the floor couldn't get worse. I mean, the dogs p*ed on it, so Jen pulled it up, so then I decided I would redo the floor in what looked like a really great idea.

Then I did a really bad job.

It involved sparkleflesh being a descriptive word.

I didn't think it could get worse.

Then this started happening.

Like, how? How could this get worse than dog p*e floor?

I don't think waiting for the epoxy to "settle in" is going to fix anything here.

Is it crazy that I think I just need a little more epoxy and glitter to fix this or do I have to go to something normal, like, real floors?

Image description: a total cluster f**k of a dining room floor 8 days before hosting thanksgiving. The floor has pox marks. Everywhere.

But there's also gold flake in the floor so it's still classy.

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