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BREAKING: Hundreds of high school students are reportedly dead and hundreds more injured after deranged teen enters scho...
02/18/2018

BREAKING: Hundreds of high school students are reportedly dead and hundreds more injured after deranged teen enters school with a backpack and dufflebags filled with Tide pods, throwing them at helpless students and teachers, indiscriminately.

Corespondent Juan Tabloya was able to catch up to a student named Wilma Fingerdoo who managed to get away from the mayhem and she had this to say, with laundry detergent dripping from her clothes.

"It was a normal day, really. I was just sitting there in math and then the doors flew open and all these Tide pods just came whizzing by my head. I ducked down under my desk, but I could see my classmates just pick them up and start eating them., They just couldn't stop. Why do they have to look so delicious?!"

The federal government is scrambling to assemble a press briefing about stricter detergent control in the United States, but the NDA (National Detergent Association) has been staunch to keep background checks low, citing ridiculousness.

Updates to come.

Harvey Weinstein (pictured) continues to deny multiple allegations of sexual assault.1 Like = 1 Thought about Harvey Wei...
10/12/2017

Harvey Weinstein (pictured) continues to deny multiple allegations of sexual assault.

1 Like = 1 Thought about Harvey Weinstein.

1 Share = 1 Prayer for his alleged victims.

The James Comey firing letter - leaked straight to News 11 Brooklyn!  That's right - real news!!!
05/09/2017

The James Comey firing letter - leaked straight to News 11 Brooklyn! That's right - real news!!!

03/08/2017

Police are on the look out for a Toyota Prius that opened fire on a crowd outside a bodega in Bushwick , the unmanned vehicle was last seen heading in the cypress hills direction. Police are saying it's just the latest in a growing trend of gangland hits , the group that is growing in stature goes by the name , "Vehicles against humanity "

We just got off the phone with Mayor De Blasio and he confirmed that all NYC schools will be OPEN tomorrow (02/09/2017)....
02/08/2017

We just got off the phone with Mayor De Blasio and he confirmed that all NYC schools will be OPEN tomorrow (02/09/2017). He also said that back in his day, people used to hike 5 miles uphill to get to school - in the snow - and that this generation are a bunch of babies. #notrophiesforparticipation

Beyoncé is pregnant with twins, but this is 2017 - so expect a double-miscarriage in the 9th month.
02/01/2017

Beyoncé is pregnant with twins, but this is 2017 - so expect a double-miscarriage in the 9th month.

In a stunning move earlier, President Trump nominated Gary Busey, to be the next Attorney General of the United States. ...
02/01/2017

In a stunning move earlier, President Trump nominated Gary Busey, to be the next Attorney General of the United States. When asked if he would support the President's ban on Muslims entering the country, Busey replied, "I think it's a great idea to import a Muslim band." Busey did not elaborate which Muslim bands he enjoyed listening to as of press time.

In a stunning upset, Hillary Clinton has been nominated to become the 45th President of the United States.  Apparently, ...
11/10/2016

In a stunning upset, Hillary Clinton has been nominated to become the 45th President of the United States. Apparently, there were some typos last night that caused some confusion regarding the winner. The real winner was Clinton.

Donald Trump congratulated her by grabbing her by the pussy. The Secret Service then shot and killed him.

Melania Trump attempted to frown, but the botox injections prevented it from occurring.

At press time, Bill Clinton was last seen escorting Melania and Ivanka Trump into his personal suite, while Hillary gave a speech about women being great, or something like that.

05/18/2016

LOCAL WOMEN LEFT CONFUSED!!
At a " How to meet Mr Right " seminar today in Brooklyn college , several women were left in a confused state after they were told that if they are over 44yrs old and state on their profiles that they "Definitely want kids " ,that they cannot also state "No hookups".
One of the participants (Sarah ,who is a milfy 10 ) was shocked to hear that the Mr right she's looking for is probably dating a 25yr old for 4 yrs now .
Sarah ,before running off to buy cat food and 2 bottles of wine , said the lord will get her through this and for all to have a blessed day.

04/28/2016

The archdiocese of Brooklyn released a statement today;
That due to mounting concerns among parishioners, at the start of the 2017 school yr they will begin serving bacon and lobster bits at the beginning of each school day , all students will be required to eat them on a daily basis.
Children with Allergies can attend if a Doctors note is on file .
One local Doctor has seen this move as a life line for his struggling business, Dr. Mohamed Barack Akbar of Midwood says he cannot keep up with the sudden amount of notes and epipens he has prescribed.

04/27/2016

Major announcement today on the jobs front for our borough,
a new power plant is planned, with both Redhook and Dyker playing fields being considered as suitable sites .The coal powered plant is expected to be on line by 2019 adding 45 jobs to the locality.

04/25/2016

A peaceful riot is planned for later tonight in Williamsburg, the organizers , all with unkempt beards and skateboards have had enough of their favorite rockstars dying.
They've ask if everyone can wear sandals and flannel shirts to show unity .

04/24/2016

Traffic came to a standstill tonight on the Prospect parkway tonight due to a police investigation,
it's believed one Manual labor of Flatbush is in custody, witnesses claim his Toyota Arriba Andale was doing in excess of 90 mph before being stopped by the NYPD .
When asked what led to the incident Manual claimed the vehicle was being driven by his friend Jose Cuervo whom fled the scene.
When asked through our translator if he wanted to add anything, he stated
"Americans need to learn to use the force"

04/24/2016

Medical breakthrough at local hospital .
Surgeons at Maimonides Hospital have successfully removed a 30yr old Prospect Heights male from his parents home , it's believed a minimum of 6 months of therapy is need , both parties are currently doing well.

04/23/2016

In other news ,
Hon Judge Kisthefambye ruled today that local man Sheamus O 'CoudaWouda of Girritsen Beach is under house arrest for "Drunk posting" on social media.
A very perturbed Sheamus that now has to wear thumb bracelets stated " @^*^#%€£^ " and thanked his brothers in the Sanitation Department for their support.

04/23/2016

A local Brighton Beach man is under investigation for thanking President Obama for everything.

04/23/2016

Pregnant woman accused of attempted manslaughter states " l didn't know my shoe lace was undone "

04/23/2016

Mayor Di Blasio is on his way to the scene in sheepshead bay involving 2 members of the NYPD ,
our sources are telling us the 2 police officers entered a local Donut store and ordered "2 BLACK coffees" to go .

04/23/2016

SPORTS UPDATE
We're live in Bayridge talking to Ny Rangers fans that believe the Rangers can come back from 6-3 down with 12 mins remaining.
Long time NY Rangers fan ,19yr old "Vinny two lips " ,who's drinking while using his older brothers "Vinnys" ID ,was asked if he'd adopt the new Brooklyn Islanders and follow them if the Rangers go out, stated ;
"fuhgetaboutit"

04/23/2016

A local East Newyork woman is recovering today after an arson attack at her home,
the "accused" whom is her jilted lover and also her older sibling is being held for questioning.
When asked why he did it ,he placed the blame squarely on the victim stating ,
"This sh*t is all her fault, once she started dating outside of the family she thought she was better than us "

04/23/2016

Tonight at 11 ,
The dangers of eating burritos on a first date .

04/23/2016

In local sports ;
Our kids are accused of playing soccer like "a bunch of priests" when ask about this one local coach replied " they're taking way too many touches ".

10/06/2015

Have a racist agenda you wish to push? Reach out to us for help.

08/20/2015

Apparently, the wife of current Subway spokesman Jared Fogel has filed for divorce yesterday. We have learned that this is related to the recent hack of Ashley Madison user information, which hackers released two days ago. News 11 Brooklyn does not condone the behavior of these hackers and our thoughts and prayers are with Jared while he deals with the divorce and we hope this does not hinder his campaign to stop childhood obesity. Go Jared!

08/01/2015

Please report any rogue militia or genocides taking place in Brooklyn to News 11 Brooklyn.

News 11 Brooklyn's cover photo
05/11/2015

News 11 Brooklyn's cover photo

12/16/2014

News 11 just got word that a doctor in NYC was thought to have Ebola back in October. Stay with us to find out if the streets are safe for you to go outside without the risk of an Ebola outbreak.

Breaking News:New York City declares war on Moon, Lauches Pre-Preemptive laser strike.Do you support Bill Deblasio's dec...
09/12/2014

Breaking News:
New York City declares war on Moon, Lauches Pre-Preemptive laser strike.

Do you support Bill Deblasio's decision to bring Earth into a new intergalactic war?

Comment below.

08/12/2014

Robin Williams never killed himself while Bush was president. Thanks, Obama.

08/12/2014

We here at News 11 Brooklyn were planning to have a Q&A with actor Robin Williams sometime next week. Since he can no longer be reached for comment, we promise to have Phillip Seymour Hoffman live on Thursday to answer all of your questions to Robin Williams, an hero to us all.

Long time Oscar Nominee Robert Williams passed away this morning at the tender age of 63. Robert was best known for his ...
08/11/2014

Long time Oscar Nominee Robert Williams passed away this morning at the tender age of 63. Robert was best known for his roles in 'A Serbian Film', '12 Years a Slave', and 'The Matrix'. Sources close to Williams say that he has been battling with severe depression and a heavy addiction to World of Warcraft and bourbon, as well as an addiction to auto-erotic asphyxiation from time to time. R.I.P. in peace sweet boy.

07/08/2014

A New York City cab driver who wishes to remain anonymous, for security purposes, is the winner in our monthly "Send us a really inspirational story, please" contest. And just when you thought that it was hard to get a cab to go to Brooklyn. ;-)

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes, I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. . “Just a minute,” answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

“Would you carry my bag out to the car,” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. “It's nothing,” I told her… “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.”

“Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?”

“It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly…

“Oh, I don't mind,” she said. “I'm in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.”

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. “I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice… “The doctor says I don't have very long.” I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

“What route would you like me to take,” I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes, she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I'm tired. Let's go now.”

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. It was chilly, so I got back in the cab.

“How much do I owe you,” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other ways,” I responded, vaguely and mysteriously.

I opened the divider and crawled into the back seat, with her. I told her to take off her clothes immediately, or this would be her last taxi ride.

Frozen, unable to speak, she sat there – in total silence. I gently took her clothes off of her and forced myself inside her. A few minutes later, I finished and wiped myself off. I put her clothes back on her and crawled back into the driver’s seat. The weirdest part about this was that the two orderlies just stood there, watching.

Her eyes had gone black. She stared blankly ahead, for several minutes.

“You’re going to have to get out now, ma’am,” I said, matter-of-factly.

“How much do I owe you,” she asked, reaching into her purse.

I felt like we had just had this conversation. The old woman apparently had Alzheimer’s. So, it’s like the crime never happened. My sins faded away in to nothingness, like her own memory of the event.

She exited the cab, and thanked me for the ride.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But, great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

The results are in for News 11's monthly "Share with us your favorite pet story."  This month's winner is Michael James,...
06/12/2014

The results are in for News 11's monthly "Share with us your favorite pet story." This month's winner is Michael James, even though his idea of "pet story" was not exactly what we had in mind.

06/11/2014

FORK-LIFTED: A 22 year old man child is dead after police say he was murdered by a forklift in Midwood last night.

Do you think we need stricter forklift regulations? News 11 Brooklyn wants to hear your thoughts

Actor Tracy Morgan is in critical condition after being involved in a six-car crash on the New Jersey turnpike.  Stay wi...
06/07/2014

Actor Tracy Morgan is in critical condition after being involved in a six-car crash on the New Jersey turnpike. Stay with News 11 for the latest as this story unfolds. Who is at fault, and why? Speculate below.

06/06/2014

QUESTION OF THE DAY:
With the Puerto Rican Day parade approaching this weekend, how many people do you expect to see in one car?

News 11 Brooklyn wants to hear your estimates!

Calling all fast food workers! Share the most delicious recipes for synthetic meats for this week's Thinking of Food seg...
06/05/2014

Calling all fast food workers! Share the most delicious recipes for synthetic meats for this week's Thinking of Food segment.

We want to see pictures of you or your family enjoying a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese and an extra large soda.

GANG INDICTMENTS: Over 103 contributing and loving New York residents were indicted today in one of the city's largest g...
06/05/2014

GANG INDICTMENTS: Over 103 contributing and loving New York residents were indicted today in one of the city's largest gang indictments in the history of cities or indictments.

When reached for comment, a family member named Spider had this to say:

"This is a sad day, bruh (sic) They was(sic) always good dudes. You know they stuck together and all that. Like brothers or members of a gang."

Charges mainly include jay-walking and loitering.

Breaking News: Leaks today on the National and international level have revealed, and to the best of our 1,000 person ne...
06/05/2014
Footage of Obama’s Warsaw workout prompts security questions

Breaking News:
Leaks today on the National and international level have revealed, and to the best of our 1,000 person news team, it has been confirmed.

US President Barack Hussein Obama, Does indeed lift, bro.

News 11 Brooklyn community question:
Did you vote for a president that lifts?

The Secret Service insists Obama’s security wasn’t jeopardized in Poland when a gawking gym-goer snapped the President pumping iron during a Warsaw workout.

06/05/2014

If you're running low on fresh social material, download the TimeHop app from the Apple Store or Play Store to show how much more fun your life used to be.

We here at News 11 Brooklyn want to give the news that YOU want to hear about. We don't dirty things up with nonsense li...
06/05/2014

We here at News 11 Brooklyn want to give the news that YOU want to hear about. We don't dirty things up with nonsense like sources, so if you have any interesting news that you'd like us to report on, we'll be there!

06/05/2014

We will have our first story later today. We just want to wait for interesting stuff to actually happen, first.

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