https://www.facebook.com/755376347647971/

The Bruce Gazette, Bruce, MS (2026)

07/02/2025

🧔🏻‍♂️Ask Bubba: Wisdom That Smells Like Bacon Grease and Old Spice

Real questions. Real answers. Real dumb sometimes.

Dear Bubba,
My girlfriend says I need to “communicate better,” but every time I try, I either panic or accidentally burp halfway through. What do I do?
— Speechless in Skuna Bottom

Dear Speechless,
Women love two things: honesty and a man who doesn’t smell like boiled peanuts. Next time she says “we need to talk,” just nod real serious, take a deep breath, and say, “I feel like I don’t understand my own emotions unless I’m sitting in a lawn chair eating gas station corndogs.”
Then fake a cramp and roll under the coffee table.
She’ll be confused, but distracted. That’s called emotional redirection.
— Bubba

Dear Bubba,
There’s a weird smell in my truck and I can’t figure out what it is. Help.
— Stinkin’ in Pittsboro

Dear Stinkin’,
Smells in trucks fall into three categories:

Old food
Dead something
Mystery funk (usually a combination of #1 and #2)
Step 1: Check under the seats for anything green, hairy, or breathing.
Step 2: If you find a boiled egg in there, congratulations — you now own a biological weapon.
Step 3: If it still stinks, throw in a Little Trees air freshener and just start blaming it on your cousin Ray. Works every time.
— Bubba
Dear Bubba,
Is it safe to eat a gas station burrito that’s been in my glovebox since yesterday morning?
— Hungry but Nervous

Dear Hungry,
That burrito has entered what scientists call the Danger Zone, and what I call Flavor Roulette.
Ask yourself:

Is it still warm?
Does it crunch when it shouldn’t?
Did a possum lick it?
If you answered “yes” to any of those, eat it anyway but make sure your bathroom's stocked and your affairs are in order.
Also, don’t trust a burrito that smells like Axe body spray. That’s just common sense.
— Bubba
Dear Bubba,
My neighbor keeps parking halfway in my yard. I asked him nicely to stop. Now what?
— Fed Up in Bruce

Dear Fed Up,
Classic Southern Standoff. You got three options:

Passive-aggressive — Place exactly 1,000 plastic pink flamingos along the property line.
Country legal — Spray paint “NOPE” across your grass in w**d killer.
Tactical — Bake him cookies. But hide a picture of your angry face inside one. Confuse his soul.
If that don’t work, borrow the town goat, tie it to his bumper. Let nature speak.
— Bubba
Dear Bubba,
How do you know if someone’s “the one”?
— Romantic in Rebound

Dear Romantic,
Easy.
If they’ll share their last chicken nugget with you — that’s love.
If they let you eat the rest of their fries while pretending they weren’t hungry? That’s marriage material.
If they bring you gas station snacks without asking, hold on to ‘em like a winning scratch-off.
If they say, “you’re just like your mama,” and it’s not an insult? Buy a ring.
— Bubba

Got a question? Life in shambles? Tried to fix your lawnmower with duct tape and prayer?
Write to [email protected], or just shout real loud outside Napa Auto — if Bubba’s not there, his cousin Jeff probably is.

Until next time, remember:
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Unless you’re outside in Mississippi. Then just sweat. A lot.

— Bubba

07/02/2025

FOOD FIGHT! FAT PIZZA GUY REFUSED SERVICE AT HOMETOWN CAFE — DECLARES LUNCH WAR ON BRUCE, MISSISSIPPI
BRUCE, MS — July 2, 2025

The hush of lunchtime in Bruce was shattered today when The Fat Pizza Guy, a self-declared food critic and online “flavor influencer” from Oxford, was politely denied his custom lunch order at Hometown Café—sending him spiraling into what witnesses describe as a “full-on, deep-fried diva fit.”

Locals say The Fat Pizza Guy (real name reportedly Rick Anthony Napoli Jr., though he insists on being called “The Crust Commander”) strutted into the Hometown Café around 12:08 p.m., wearing mirrored shades, a greasy trench coat covered in pizza logos, and a pinky ring that spelled out “ZA.”

“He walked in like he was about to judge the finals on Iron Chef,” said waitress Tammy Ann, who’s been serving up chicken-fried steak since the Reagan years. “He asked if our meatloaf was ‘locally sourced from stress-free livestock.’ I told him, ‘It’s from a cow, and it’s delicious. Take it or leave it.’”

Unimpressed, The Fat Pizza Guy asked for a “crispy pancetta BLT on brioche with garlic aioli and a hint of truffle zest.”
Tammy Ann responded without blinking:

“Sweetie, we got ham, toast, and mustard. Pick two.”
Witnesses say he then dramatically sniffed the air, wrinkled his nose, and muttered something about “grease levels being spiritually offensive.” That’s when Chad , the cook, poked his head out the kitchen window and hollered, “You want aioli? Go home and Google it!”

At that moment, the critic reportedly slapped his pizza-themed clipboard onto the table, screamed “THIS IS A GASTRO NIGHTMARE!”, and fled the café sobbing into a pepperoni-patterned handkerchief.

Minutes later, a video was posted on his social media accounts titled:

“My Lunch Horror in Bruce: A Town That Hates Flavor.”
In it, he rants about being “emotionally battered by biscuit culture” and threatens to “blacklist Bruce from every respectable food tour between Oxford and Memphis.”
The town’s response? Laughter.

Mayor Jimmy Jubbard held a press conference by the town hall steps.

“Bruce doesn’t need validation from a man who wears a pizza cape. We’ve got chicken livers, banana pudding, and pride. He can take his truffle zest back to the college kids.”
The Hometown Café has since updated its specials board to include:
“The Fat Pizza Melt: Bologna, ego, and a side of humble pie.”

Locals are now planning a community picnic called “Lunch Like You Got Sense”, featuring free sweet tea, porch chairs, and absolutely no foam sauce.

Reached for comment, The Fat Pizza Guy was last seen in his car outside the Oxford Whole Foods, licking his wounds and Googling “Where to find emotional support risotto.”

Bruce remains unbothered and fully fed.

07/02/2025

🚨BREAKING NEWS: TRASHCAN POSSUM TERRORIZES SAWMILL FESTIVAL — CHIEF RYAN ROBERTS CHASES “RECKLESS RICKY” THROUGH BRUCE WITH A BROOM

Live from Bruce, Mississippi — July 2, 2025 | 12:58 p.m. CST

BRUCE, MS — Panic and potato salad were flying in all directions this afternoon as a deranged possum—described by eyewitnesses as “built like a meatloaf and madder than a wet hen”—burst out of a garbage can behind the sausage booth and unleashed chaos at the Bruce Sawmill Festival.

The suspect, now officially nicknamed “Reckless Ricky”, was first spotted shortly after 12:42 p.m., covered in nacho cheese and dragging what appeared to be a corn dog stick like a weapon.

“He came out that trash can like a greasy little linebacker,” said Edna Ruth Goodson, who was mid-bite into a deviled egg when the beast made eye contact. “I screamed, clutched my pearls, and threw my plate at him. He didn’t blink.”
Ricky tore through the festival grounds like a possum possessed—flattening a table of banana puddings, scattering pottery , and nearly biting a man who tried to offer him a Moon Pie as a peace offering.

Chief Ryan Roberts, who had just unwrapped a footlong sausage dog with extra kraut, saw the mayhem unfold and sprang into action without hesitation.

“I hollered, ‘WE GOT A LIVE ONE!’ then dropped my lunch and grabbed a broom from behind the kettle corn tent,” Chief Roberts told reporters.
What followed was a 26-minute chase that spanned the bounce house perimeter, three picnic tables, a gospel quartet performance, and the back end of an active horseshoe tournament. Witnesses say Chief Roberts stayed hot on Ricky’s trail, “swingin’ that broom like a Jedi with back problems.”

“It was the most excitement this town’s seen since we accidentally deep-fried the mayor’s toupee in ‘09,” said local historian Gerald “Pickle” Mays.
Officer Manual Nunez arrived with backup in the form of a cooler, an oversized catfish net, and a half-empty bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, which Roberts used to lure the possum toward the gazebo. The beast lunged for the snacks—and that’s when Roberts made his move.

“I tackled him like a possum-wranglin’ linebacker from the SEC,” Roberts reported, still out of breath. “I ain't proud of the sounds I made, but the mission was clear.”
The suspect was safely relocated outside Bruce city limits and released with no charges, though Roberts confirmed,

“He is banned for life from all public events, and we took his corn dog stick.”
Meanwhile, festival organizers confirmed the pie-eating contest will resume on schedule and that next year’s security will include "a broom detail and maybe one of them possum-sniffin’ dogs from Grenada.”

T-shirts are already in production with the slogan:
“I Saw the Possum — Bruce, MS Sawmill Festival 2025: Still Standing, Still Snacking.”

This has been your BREAKING NEWS report. Stay safe, stay alert, and for the love of gravy—watch your trash cans.

07/02/2025

☀️ BRUCE 7-DAY WEATHER OUTLOOK: SWEAT, MOSQUITOES, AND THE SUN'S PERSONAL VENDETTA CONTINUE THROUGH NEXT WEEK

From the Bruce Meteorological Guessin’ Center — July 2, 2025

Good evening, Bruce. Here’s your official (and slightly exaggerated) 7-day forecast, brought to you by Pizza Palace— where your pizza comes with a Moon Pie and Pizza Bills advice that you can’t understand because of his Greek accent

🔥 TODAY:
High: 97°F
Low: 74°F (but don’t count on it feeling like it)
Feels Like: Being slowly baked inside a biscuit oven.
Humidity: 138% (somehow)
Mosquito Threat Level: Code Itchy Red
Notes:
Expect sweat in places you didn’t know could sweat. Sunglasses will fog instantly. Mosquitoes have unionized and are now coordinating attacks in squadrons. Locals are advised to carry a flyswatter and a rag for forehead moppin’.

☀️ TOMORROW:
High: 99°F
Low: 76°F
Feels Like: Hugging Satan in a wool suit.
Humidity: Yes. Just... yes.
Mosquito Alert: They're now big enough to carry off toddlers. Stay indoors after 6 p.m. or wear chainmail.
Bonus Warning: Flip-flop melt potential on blacktop.

🌩️ FRIDAY:
High: 95°F
Low: 72°F
Feels Like: A microwaved ham sandwich.
Chance of Rain: 20%, but it’ll be the kind that makes steam rise off the pavement like God’s tea kettle.
Sweat Forecast: Rivers. Underarms, backs, knees, belly buttons. Be ready.
Mosquito Activity: Vampire levels. They’ve been spotted using bug spray as seasoning.

🌞 SATURDAY (SAWMILL FESTIVAL FINALE):
High: 102°F
Feels Like: Regret
Sweat Factor: Bring a towel. Maybe two. Actually just bring a garden hose.
UV Index: 147. Don’t just wear sunscreen — wear shame.
Special Note: Mayor Jubbard has declared a town-wide deodorant awareness campaign. Use generously.

🦟 SUNDAY THROUGH TUESDAY:
Basically more of the same.
Heat will persist.
Mosquitoes will evolve.
And your thighs will stick to every lawn chair you sit in.

🧊OFFICIAL RECOMMENDATIONS:
Avoid polyester.
Drink water until your belly sloshes.
Fan yourself with a church bulletin even if you're not religious.
Only argue with your spouse in the shade.
DO NOT trust a breeze. It’s probably just hot air moving faster.
That’s your Bruce 7-Day Forecast. Tune in tomorrow for more weather lies, sweat updates, and live footage of folks sticking their heads in Joes ice cooler

Stay cool, Bruce — or at least try not to melt.

07/02/2025

ICE CREAM CHAOS ON THE BRUCE SQUARE: LOCAL MAN DECLARES WAR ON CONE
BRUCE, MISSISSIPPI — July 2, 2025

What was supposed to be a peaceful afternoon treat turned into a full-blown dessert disaster Tuesday when beloved Bruce native Mr. Carl Murphree—a plump man known for wearing nothing but overalls and having a belly laugh that sounds like a busted lawnmower trying to crank—found himself at the center of an ice cream-related meltdown… literally.

Eyewitnesses say Mr. Murphree strutted onto the Bruce town square around 2:17 p.m., smiling from ear to ear and carrying a triple-scoop waffle cone like it was the Holy Grail. “He looked so happy, like a kid on Christmas,” said Glenda Sue Hollingsworth, who was selling crocheted potholders outside the post office. “Then it all went south faster than a possum crossing Highway 9.”

With temperatures topping 97 degrees and humidity so thick you could butter biscuits with it, the ice cream began to melt faster than a preacher caught at the liquor store. Mr. Murphree’s smile quickly turned to panic as drips of vanilla, chocolate, and “Mississippi Mud Mystery” ran down his cone and onto his famously tight overalls.

“He tried to lick it from all sides, but it was like watching a dog chase a squirrel in a circle,” said local teen and aspiring TikTok reporter Cody “Cheddar” Malone. “Then one whole scoop slid off, hit his belly, and just… stayed there.”

Enraged, Mr. Murphree reportedly let out a legendary hurrrr-hurrrr-hurrrrrrrr laugh that echoed off the brick walls of Napa Auto Parts and the old Bruce Museum. “I DONE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS ICE CREAM WITCHCRAFT!” he bellowed, before chucking the cone into the street and stomping off toward the Lions Club building with chocolate on his chest and what appeared to be a sprinkle in his ear.

Bruce Mayor Jimmy Jubbard issued a brief statement:

“We are aware of the incident involving Mr. Murphree, the cone, and the mess on the square. Town maintenance has been dispatched with a mop and a bucket of resolve.”
The Bruce Volunteer Fire Department has also issued a “Heat + Cream = Chaos” warning for all future dessert endeavors.

When asked later if he planned to return for another cone, Mr. Murphree, still sticky but proud, replied:

“Next time I’m bringin’ a spoon, a straw, and a tarp. That ice cream ain't gonna beat me twice.”
Locals are already planning a charity event in his honor: “The Murphree Melt-Down Fundraiser & Ice Cream Social” set for this Saturday by the gazebo. Attendees are encouraged to wear overalls and bring backup napkins.

Stay tuned for updates as this scoop story continues to swirl.

The Bruce Gazette

07/02/2025

07/02/2025

07/02/2025

07/02/2025

07/02/2025

Address

Website

Alerts

Shortcuts

Share

Category