10/03/2025
Please pray for me and my family. I haven't been on because things are not good right now. I will go into more details as soon as I am able to talk about it without falling apart. I hate vague posts like this so bad myself but right now I can't say much. I have cried till I can't breath. My heart is broken completely into. All I can really say is that Amanda is not here with me anymore. Im probably gonna have to move to Kelli's because with my arm messed up now and no leg I can't take care of myself. Today I have eaten a can of beanie weenies cuz I can't cook one handed and get around in this wheelchair in that small rv kitchen. Amanda was doing the cooking and was helping me more than I can even express. Now I'm alone again and I'm not handling it well. Yesterday I ordered from door dash and that is way too expensive to do very often. I paid $23 for some chicken nuggets, corn nuggets, mashed potatoes and small drink. Its outrageous. I wouldn't have even done that but I was hungry and tried to cook but fell into a clump of tears cuz I just couldn't do it. The time has come. Its either pack up and go to Minnesota with kelli or go into a nursing home. Kelli and I get along beautifully just like Amanda and I did. Its just I'm so scared of change and there will so much to do to make it happen. But if I continue to sit here in this recliner my mental help will deteriorate again. In total desperation I have already asked my Jesus to just take me home. Where there's love and peace and no worries and I will have my leg and health restored. Don't mistake my words for being suicidal or anything like that. Its just that life here on this earth has become an enraged battle to try and get the help I need. Medical wise I have to fight for my needs everytime I turn around. It makes me angry and bitter and I dont want to be that person. Please just pray along with me that Jesus will show me the way. The right way. HIS way! I love you all so much. I will share more soon..right now I'm so upset I just can't breathe or get the words out as to what has happened.
In this moment I'm debating pushing the post button. But in my heart I know I have good people in my camp that wont judge words, and will love me through this.
Please say special prayers for my Amanda. Please.
Love you all.