12/24/2025
I have an important holiday message. Be kind. Be kind to yourself and to others as best as you can. There may be some who are unkind to you and those you love, but walk away from their circus and know what is actually worth being divisive over.
I say this as a man who lost many good friends because I chose dogma over love. And the funny part is, I was dogmatic mostly about issues and people I did not fully understand.
When I was a devout evangelical christian, I thought it was my place to tell women what to do with their bodies and how and whom others should love and what their sexuality or gender expression should be. It was easy to be dogmatic over that which I did not understand. Until I did understand.
I let dogma replace love. And I did not understand the person or issue. And even after apologizing, some chose to continue to keep their distance from me. And ya know what? They were right to do so. Did I change? Yes. Did I grow? Yes. But did I hurt them and are they being kind to themselves? Yes.
In the creative space I see arguments creeping up all the time and they are forgetting the nuance, the understanding, and the kindness. And they forget that if the fight goes public, others will be hurt and the concentric circles of pain ripple out.
In photography we assaulted many who went to digital. Those who used this new thing called Photoshop were shunned. Word processing and concerns over that cost people opportunities, livelihood, and safety.
Things I do not understand scare me less than witch hunts and dogma now.
My neighors across the hall from me are of a different culture and religion than I am. They do not eat pork. But they have never once told me to not eat pork and they do not cease being kind and good neighbors because I like my bacon.
I am writing this from a linux based software system and I prefer FLOSS and FOSS software and much prefer Creative Commons over copyright any day of the week. My artistic dogma is to not use DRM or copyright, but I am not gonna end friendships because they use photoshop instead of GIMP or Word instead of Libre Write.
I have friends who are dying from poverty, racism, transphobia, ableism, and for being a woman who just needs healthcare. I have friends with disabilities who need access to tools denied them. I have loves with Neorodivergence who need understanding and not MAHA.
I hate the divisive mistakes I have made in this life. I hate the harm I have caused and contributed to in this fragile world.
Whatever you believe or do not believe or celebrate or do not celebrate, be kind and if you cannot be kind...be quiet.
I will close with the five remembrances of Buddhism... and I am not a Buddhist.
I am of the nature to grow old; I cannot escape growing old.
I am of the nature to have ill health; I cannot escape ill health.
I am of the nature to die; I cannot escape death.
All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change and be separated from me.
My actions are my only true belongings; I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
Please for the love of all that is good and decent and kind... make your actions judiciously and kindly.
Signed,
A Mo********er who has Fu**ed a lot of s**t up but still goes home to love every day and has an amazing kid despite it all.
