10/29/2025
Thereâs a certain kind of loneliness that hits differently â the kind that makes you wonder if being single means youâre broken, behind, or unlovable. When I read Single on Purpose, it felt like a breath of honesty in a world obsessed with coupledom. John Kim, famously known as The Angry Therapist, doesnât sugarcoat a thing. He writes like that blunt but caring friend who calls you out while also helping you heal.
This book isnât about learning to âsurviveâ singlehood or about pretending you donât need love. Itâs about discovering who you really are when no one else is defining you. Itâs not a guide to finding someone â itâs about finding yourself first, and building a life so full and authentic that love becomes a choice, not a rescue.
Here are 10 valuable lessons from this empowering and deeply personal book that remind us why being single can be one of the most transformative seasons of your life.
1. Being single is not a waiting room for love â itâs a classroom for self-awareness.
Kim begins by reframing singleness as a sacred space for self-discovery, not a temporary pause before your ârealâ life begins. When youâre single, you get the rare chance to explore what truly matters to you â what you want, what you need, what wounds still linger. If you waste this time longing for someone else, you miss the chance to meet yourself fully.
2. Loneliness isnât the enemy â disconnection from yourself is.
So many of us rush into relationships just to escape loneliness. Kim calls this emotional outsourcing â using others to fill a void we refuse to face. The real problem isnât being alone; itâs not feeling at home in your own company. When you learn to enjoy solitude â the quiet coffee mornings, solo walks, the stillness of your thoughts â you realize that peace doesnât come from who youâre with, but from how deeply you know yourself.
3. Healing must happen before connection can thrive.
Unhealed wounds leak into every relationship. Kim writes about how many people âdate from their damage,â seeking partners who mirror their insecurities or replay their past traumas. He urges readers to do the work before pairing up â to unpack old stories, therapy, and forgiveness. Healing isnât glamorous, but itâs the foundation for love that doesnât come from fear or need.
4. Stop trying to be âchosenâ â start choosing yourself.
One of Kimâs rawest insights is that many people approach love like an audition. They shape-shift, perform, and chase approval. But being âchosenâ means nothing if you abandon yourself to make it happen. The moment you start choosing yourself â your voice, your boundaries, your truth â is the moment your relationships begin to reflect genuine alignment instead of emotional desperation.
5. Relationships should add to your life, not define it.
Kim is brutally honest: if your self-worth is built on being in a relationship, youâll always be fragile. Love should be a bonus, not your backbone. Being single gives you the freedom to build a rich, full life â one that doesnât crumble when someone leaves. The book reminds us that wholeness doesnât come from who youâre with but how you live.
6. You attract what you are, not what you want.
One of the hardest truths in the book: your relationships are mirrors. If youâre chaotic, anxious, or unsure, youâll often attract partners who reflect that same emotional energy. The solution isnât to âfind better people,â but to become better within yourself. When youâre grounded, healed, and whole, your connections naturally start to reflect that same energy.
7. Growth happens in solitude.
We often think growth happens in relationships, but Kim argues the opposite â solitude is where transformation truly begins. When thereâs no one else to distract or define you, you meet your fears head-on. You learn discipline, independence, and emotional intelligence. Being single becomes your personal dojo â a training ground for becoming your most authentic self.
8. You donât need to be perfect to be worthy of love.
Many people delay love â even self-love â until theyâve âfixedâ themselves. Kim reminds us that youâre not broken, just human. Healing and growing donât mean becoming flawless; they mean embracing your imperfections with compassion. The healthier you become, the more youâll realize that love isnât a prize for perfection â itâs a natural extension of self-acceptance.
9. Boundaries are an act of self-respect, not self-protection.
The book dives deeply into boundaries â not as walls to keep others out, but as frameworks to keep you whole. When you say no, youâre not rejecting others; youâre respecting yourself. Kim encourages readers to set boundaries with clarity and kindness, so your energy stays aligned with your values. Healthy love requires healthy limits.
10. The goal is not to find âthe oneâ â itâs to become someone worth finding.
Kim closes the book with a liberating truth: stop obsessing over finding your soulmate. Instead, focus on becoming your best, most grounded self â emotionally mature, self-aware, and aligned. When you live authentically, you naturally attract relationships that match your wholeness. Love stops being a search and becomes a meeting of equals.
Final Reflection
Single on Purpose is part pep talk, part therapy session, and part spiritual awakening. Itâs not a manual for loneliness; itâs a manifesto for self-liberation.
What struck me most about John Kimâs message is how unapologetically real it is. He doesnât romanticize singlehood â he reframes it as a radical act of growth and honesty. Being single isnât about waiting for âthe right personâ; itâs about becoming the right person for yourself.
In the end, Kim leaves you with one lasting truth:
You donât need someone else to complete you â you need yourself to awaken you.
And once you do, love stops being something you chase⌠and starts being something you naturally attract.
Book:https://amzn.to/4of33mR