The Canoga Park Quilt

05/24/2025

The Canoga Park Women's Club Garden Party and Fashion Show has started! Here's Gertrude Hepplewhite modeling the latest in absorbent undergarments. Miss Jordan Avenue in the 1954 Canoga Park Loyal Order of Possums' beauty pageant, Gertie still wears her sash with pride!

09/08/2024

It's sooo hot here in the west San Fernando Valley—
"How hot is it?!"
—It's so hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk. And this being Los Angeles (where you don't need any permits or licenses) many people do!

02/27/2023

If the polar bears didn't get you, the jackasses blasting decidedly un-family friendly "rap"-type music on their "boom"-type boxes did! Plus it was cold!

By Blythe Moorcroft, Quilt staff DATELINE: SHERMAN WAY Nanooks of the North (of Vanowen) Two hardy souls head toward Reseda despite frigid...

02/26/2023

Ooh, it's going to be a hot time in "Old Town" tonight. The scumbags at the Canoga Park Women's Club started noise at 4:30 this afternoon.

01/30/2023

Looks like you're going to have to get your sh*tty microfiber recliners and thin, cracking plastic storage totes somewhere else from now on, Canoga Park!

By Ingomar Schoenborn, Quilt staff DATELINE: SHERMAN WAY Staff photo. Dozens Feared Trapped Inside, Still Waiting In Line Discount reta...

01/22/2023

Wow, 12:35 a.m. and the usual gang of local scumbags at The Canoga Park Women's Club are still carrying on with their drunken hooting and hollering in the parking lot. No problem—they've got Do Nothing Councilmember Bob Blumenfield's blessing.

12/25/2022

It's still not too late to get that high-end bike you've always dreamed of...and that your neighbor dreamed of some time earlier (but neglected to lock up properly).

By Nita Keswick, Quilt staff DATELINE: VALERIO STREET Last minute-shoppers in Canoga Park are in luck as the Christmas shopping season has ...

11/06/2022

Those marvelous old c-words (community-minded women!) of the Canoga Park Women's Club are hosting another blowout tonight! Good for them! They don't let rheumatism, dementia, or incontinence stop them from doing just as they please! You go, "gals!"

10/09/2022

Another Saturday night bass-thumping F-You courtesy GFWC California Federation of Women's Clubs's most incompetently run local organization, the Canoga Park Old Ladies Club. Someone give the ancient crone in charge of that rickety old rathole a Nonagenarian of the Year award!

06/20/2022

Darling of the GFWC California Federation of Women's Clubs, the hopelessly mismanaged Canoga Park Ladies Club offers a Sunday night middle finger to the neighborhood with another of their infamous open-door how-loud-can-we-go blowouts!

10/30/2021

Oh no! Those dirty rats have fled our local intersections with their dead baby scams and have invaded our jack-o-lanterns!