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Midwestern Times

The unofficial news outlet for America's best region.
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16/07/2026

Federal authorities announce that Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr, more commonly known as Snoop Dogg, is under investigation for the being the source of the smoke that’s currently smothering the Midwest region.

Sources close to Mr Dogg confirm he was recently in Canada.

It’s an open investigation and no other details are available at this time.

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08/07/2026

“I told her plain as day: Jr is gonna be fine, ma’am”, says Garrett Jones the 46 year old carnival worker. “I’ve been doing this a long time and I’ve only seen a couple kiddos get maimed real bad. Parents these days need to relax and trust us trained professionals.”

What do you think? Are parents these days too worried about good old-fashioned carnival fun? Or is the anxiety valid?

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23/05/2026

“Women’s expectations have just become too high. It’s leading to record-levels of romantic frustration,” said Francis Wentz-Perez, professor of Love & Human Relationships at the University of Michigan. “The Midwest region is abundant with men of prime mating potential. Social media has just forever change what women’s preferences are, and it’s having a serious impact on the dating market and their happiness.”

Dating among women ages 20-40 is at an all-time low. Many women are expressing frustration, but critics say it’s self-induced as the standards for their male counterparts are just too high in 2026. What do you think?

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12/05/2026

“He always seemed a little sketchy,” said HOA President Karl Rutherford. “Real jumpy. Constantly looking over his shoulder. Not surprised he was hiding something”.

Increased police active isn’t new to this Midwest neighborhood, unfortunately. Just the latest development in statewide fraud crackdowns.

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11/05/2026

“At least they have fudge”, says the 62-year old man visiting from Ohio.

“It’s 2026 and they don’t allow cars? Michigan needs to get with the times. I might have to rent me one of them horses.”

Mackinac Island has been at the center of controversy for years for their automobile ban across the island.

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06/05/2026

“Is this plane still available?” That’s all the 48-year old woman from Minnesota needed to say to get an amazing deal of the used aircraft.

“It was a deal I just couldn’t pass up. Didn’t ask hubby, but figured he wouldn’t mind.”

With Spirit Airlines closing down, more Midwesterners are looking to secure deals on their fleet.

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04/05/2026

“Times are tough”, says the 32-year-old man from Wisconsin as he fills his truck with a refreshing American lager.

“If prices keep rising, I’ll have to transition to malt liquor or maybe even the harder stuff”.

Rising gas prices are hurting many of us around the Midwest. Hoping politicians can figure out the ongoing geopolitical situation to prevent more waste of such precious resources here at home

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18/03/2026

“This was an opportunity of a lifetime”, says Trevor DeVries of Michigan. “This was our one shot, our one opportunity to finally get rid of Ohio. We were so close.”

The Midwest populous seems to be in deep disappointment that this week’s meteor in Ohio didn’t finish the job once and for all.

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12/03/2026

“I’ve always been into tall, dark, and handsome men”, says the 42 year-old Ohio woman. “He was so sweet. Sure, he did disappeared after—which was hard for me emotionally. But living in Ohio, I’ve certainly dated worse.”

With Bigfoot sightings all across the Midwest, are there going to more encounters like this?

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18/02/2026

“False Spring is an official season here in the Midwest. And we’ve arrived”, shares our Chief Metrologist.

With temperatures up into the 60s in various areas across the Midwest, hope has been resorted to local morale until freezing temps return later this week.

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