31/08/2023
Reluctant Homeschooler
By Tiffany S
Homeschool... there was a time when that word struck fear into my heart. I will never forget the day my husband came home from work and told me we are pulling our kids out of school. In the moment, I thought he had absolutely lost his mind. Our youngest child had just started school a few weeks prior, and I was finally going to have room to breathe. I could have the house clean for more than a moment. I could eat without sharing my food. I could go to the bathroom alone.
Our oldest daughter was being bullied because she was the only black girl in the small Christian school the kids were enrolled in. She had gotten into a fight with someone who called our special needs son stupid. She tried to explain that was rude and not true, but the significantly older boy continued to speak very hurtful and derogatory words. My daughter is a little too much like me. She lost all ability to reason and decked the kid. She knocked him out cold with one swing. My husband picked the kids up from school that day and they never went back.
As our schoolyear gears up, I am knee deep in printing curriculum. I am lesson planning and preparing for another year of educating our kids. I sit here surrounded by laundry as I reflect on how much God has taught me over the last year. When my husband told me that he had pulled our kids out of school, I was both furious and terrified. I had barely graduated from high school and didn't feel equipped to educate three young minds. I wanted them to be able to go to college. I wanted to go to work to help supplement our income because we live paycheck to paycheck. I had life all planned out, and I was NOT keen on having my plans changed.
During my quiet time one morning God brought the story of Moses to mind. Like me, Moses was insecure and didn't trust his ability to carry out the task God had given him. He hemmed and hawed, begged and pleaded, and then flat out told God he couldn't do this. I had spent time ugly crying and even yelling at God because I didn't want to homeschool. I didn't think that I could do an effective job of educating them. I didn't want to be solely responsible for their failures in life. In the year and a half since I was thrust into this journey as a stay-at-home wife, mother, and homeschool mom I have learned to filter my fears and insecurity through True vs Truth.
Like God equipped Moses, he promised to equip me if I would surrender to His will. He will equip you too. Is there an area of your life where you are letting fear hold you back from total surrender?