01/22/2025
My return episode
Hello everyone. I am back! Many of you know I had to take some time away from my podcast due to death of my son Ricardo Ramirez. He took his own life on 5/2/21. The absolute worst day of my life when I heard we have found your son and he is dead. He was always so happy so joyful. He made everyone laugh around him. He hid his depression well. None of us could or would ever think he would take his own life.
I felt like someone punched me in my chest so hard and I couldn’t breathe. There were many days where I didn’t know if I would make it. Some days I literally screamed why God why. No one parent should have to bury their child. No parent at all. My life will never be the same. I had disappeared basically. My family sent messages, emails and texts. I couldn’t answer them. I couldn’t even speak most days. All I could do was lean on my mom. I had no idea what to do or how to do it. She led me by the hand in all of it and if it wasn’t for her being there by my side I wouldn’t have made it. I found myself looking at her one time while we were just outdoors in her front yard and wondering how is she so strong? How can she not be crumbling? How can she do all this and be so strong? Im gonna tell y’all she is strong. I never met anyone in my life as strong as she is. She is so strong because she has Jesus Christ by her side. I know she was hurting inside but she couldn’t let it show or wouldn’t let it show not sure on that yet. But I thank god for her.
I had so much support from my kids, my family in CA, my good friend Carol (God bless her she had to deal with all my meltdowns) and other friends. They were there for me every step of the way and I love and appreciate them being there for me. I know they may have thought I didn’t notice but I did, family, and I love you all.
Through all this I finally realized I will see my son again. It may not be today or tomorrow but I will see him again. He is with our Heavenly Father and he is feeling no pain, no sorrow and no sadness. He was dealing with depression and we know that is a true and ugly thing. I felt myself going down that ugly hole as I grieved for my son. The only thing that kept me up above water was Jesus Christ. I had to lean on Him every moment of every day because I felt I would drown if I didn’t. During this time my family was there for me. My kids bless their hearts seen me falling apart and all they could do trying to keep me from jumping out a window was by holding me as I cried. They were there if I needed to talk or to cry or just say nothing at all. I love them all so much and I thank God for them every day.
I started to pray for understanding of why the Lord took my son home. I mean, I prayed and prayed. Finally, one day talking to my mom, she told me its not my place to question. God took my baby boy from this earth because he didn’t belong here anymore. That he is up in heaven smiling down on all of us. My mother and I talked so much daily about the death of Ricardo and the Lord. She is very knowledgeable in the Bible so I relied on her a lot for understanding of what happened and what do I do next. She told me to pray. So I went in my room and prayed. I never prayed so hard in my life. Tears rolled down my face and wouldn’t stop; I couldn’t breathe. Something came over me and lifted me up and I felt at peace and I knew in my heart Ricardo was ok and is with Jesus. It was something I never experienced ever before. From then on I am getting to know our Heavenly Father like I should. Like we all should.
Let me tell you its not always good days there are still days where I lose it but what do I do? I go into pray mode. Thats what I call it. I can feel the panic coming and I can be anywhere and I will close my eyes and pray. You can ask anyone that is around me sometimes my eyes just close and they can tell I’m praying and they say nothing just sit there. I have a friend that sees that side of me a lot bless her heart.
I appreciate all the support from you all. It was everything to receive messages and emails asking how I was and praying for me. I truly appreciate it. My mom mentioned my podcast a few time as my kids did as well. They said I should continue it. In my heart I know Ricardo would want me to continue to talk about mental health and many other life issues. He always was one of the first to hear my episodes before they came out and he would tell me, “This is good mom.” What I would give to hear those words again.
Please, everyone, reach out to each other and make sure people are ok. Depression is real and we can let it keep taking people from us.
There are many Bible verses that address grief, including verses that express comfort and verses that express hope.
Matthew 5:4: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" ��
Psalm 34:18: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" ��
Psalm 119:76: "Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant" ��
Psalm 119:50: "This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life" ��
Revelation 21:4: "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore"
For anything you may be going through, there is always something in the Bible about it.
Soooooo now I am getting back into it slowly. I will still be an advocate of mental health and also an advocate of our Lord God. I pray that all of you can accept Jesus Christ as your savior.
Well, my next episode will be on Munchausen syndrome. It’s a good one so be ready.
May God bless you and your families. Talk soon. Love you all.
National Su***de Prevention Lifeline:
Call 800-273-TALK (8255)
SAMHSA's National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
