Manager Jacob

07/08/2026

It was just a momentary glitch in the matrix, a brief lapse in my (gay)dar, and I assure you all that my interest in women remains strictly limited and to everyone asking about the internal punishment....they made me restock the entire automotive section😭🚗🔧🙄

We would like to apologize to this customer this morning after our Gay Manager Jacob briefly forgot he was a homosexual and relapsed into straightness while staring at her for a prolonged period of time.

Jacob converted to being fully gay in 2021, and assured us that this was a one-time incident triggered by his new medication. Jacob is being punished internally.

06/24/2026

I love my team!!! Thank you Nevaeh Petty but that red one is genuinely going to keep me up at night! 🌈💀

To celebrate Pride Month for my GAY Manager Jacob, I organized p**s jugs by color to make them into a rainbow! 🏳️‍🌈 A couple of the truckers are definitely peeing red which is concerning, but I think he will love it 🥹💅🏼

06/22/2026

Sleeves are on and my schedule is wide open. Who's checking for ripeness today? 🍌👀

Beginning today, we are placing sleeves over our bananas for modesty reasons. This was necessary after an elderly lady became emotional after pointing out that one of the bananas resembled her late husband's (expletive).

Customers wishing to inspect an unsheathed banana for ripeness may request a privates viewing from Gay Manager Jacob before purchase.

06/20/2026

Somebody left a hole box of krispy kremes on the counter with a note that said "for the night guy" and i dont even know who it was but im sitting here eating my 4th one at 5am like.... 😍🥰 this is the most romance ive had all year honestly!

whoever you are youve done more for me than any man on grindr EVER has 😮‍💨😑

06/19/2026

Some trucker just asked me if we sell ear plugs and I said no but I got a spotify playlist that'll put you to sleep and he looked at me like I threatened his family 😒🙄

Im trying to HELP you have a good (gay) night. I literally made the playlist for my(gay)self on nights I cant sleep its called Soft Country & Butt Fun and its 4 hours long🙂‍↔️😮‍💨 why are men like this??

06/17/2026

Literally just had to sign a write up sheet for "hiding on shift" 🙄😒 like okay maybe just praise me instead?

I perfectly folded my (gay )self inside of the yellow rolling mop bucket cart and survived in there for almost 4 hours without making a noise!! entirely and completely unbothered! corporate is just jealous of my extreme athletic ability tbh 😤🫡 totally framing this paper!

06/16/2026

Im so tired of older drivers getting an attitude and telling me I don't know how to take it!! 🙄

I told u five times u literally just have to gently tap the tip on the screen... you cant just blindly force the hole thing inside the bottom slot and expect me to process u fast!! 😒 a (gay)manager cant work under these conditions smh 😤😮‍💨

06/15/2026

Managed to wedge my (gay )self up thru the bottom hole of the lobby claw machine so I can finish eating my roller dogs in absolute peace!!!

😤🤪 Im just sitting completely perfectly still staring straight ahead against the glass so folks think im one of the jumbo prizes... 😮‍💨🫣checkmate truckers nobody is getting quarters out of me tonight!!!

06/12/2026

I just had the worst date ever at Longhorn! This dude invited me for a fancy dinner then whipped a whole deer skinning knife out his boot to cut his ribeye bc he said the table knives "aint country enough" 🙄 n then he expected my (gay) self to pay the whole bill!!! I wish country boys wasn't such a weakness for me😒