05/11/2026
The craziest phenomenon is being a whole mother but feeling like you shouldnāt be celebrated because of all the ways you feel like youāve failed your child.
These past couple of years, Iāve tried so hard to be the best mother for Bean, and some days I cry because I feel like I donāt deserve to be his mom.
I moved him across the country away from family. Weāve been homeless. I didnāt have a job and could barely afford to breathe. Now that I do have a job, I canāt attend every school event. Some days I donāt even want to get out of bed or be bothered. Some days Iām overstimulated and irritable and feel so guilty for it.
On some realā¦I usually try to block Motherās Day out.
But this morning, instead of the dread I usually feel, I woke up with joy because God reminded me of the truth.
He reminded me of every way Iāve made sure we were straight. Every sacrifice Iāve made. Every hard decision that didnāt come from selfishness, but from obedience.
And the truth is, I am a mother regardless of what the circumstances looked like.
As I grow as a mother, God is growing me as a person too and making sure that his child is taken care of as I take care of his other child.
Just yesterday, I randomly thought about how I was a little sad that no one would probably give me anything for Motherās Day. Not because I needed the acknowledgmentā¦ but it wouldāve been nice. š¤·š½āāļø
And this morning, while I was walking into church, a friend stopped me in the parking lot and gave me a gift.
Then as soon as I got to my seat, I was handed flowers and a card.
At that very moment, the worship team was singing āHe Knows My Nameā. Talk about divine timing.
I just sat there in tears in disbelief and amazement, realizing how intentional God is about me.
When his daughter felt undeserving of being seen, He gave me my flowers anyway.
He reminded me that just because motherhood hasnāt looked how I imagined it would doesnāt mean Iāve failed at it.
I meanā¦how could I fail when Heās the one guiding me every step of the way?
And maybe thatās what He was showing me all along.
That while Iāve been so focused on raising Bean, Heās been raising me too.
Healing me through the very child He called me to nurture.
Loving on the parts of me that motherhood exposed.
Parenting His daughter while I parent His son.
So today wasnāt really about flowers.
It was about a Father making sure His child felt seen.
And when shame tried to convince me I was undeserving of celebrating, God gave me my flowers anyway. šš¤
