06/04/2026
Why Turning 57 Means It’s Time to Break Out the Roller Skates (and the Best Birthday Math Ever!)
Today is a big day. It’s my birthday! I’m officially celebrating another trip around the sun, and if you're doing the math, I drew my first breath back in 1969.
Growing up a child of the 70s and 80s, birthday party options were limited, but luckily we had the holy grail: the local roller skating rink. Oh, how I loved to roller skate. The flashing strobe lights, the competitive tension of the Hokey Pokey, and the smell of burnt concession stand popcorn.
But my absolute favorite thing? Going backwards. There was nothing cooler than hitting that perfect rhythm, crossing your skates over, and effortlessly gliding backwards around the rink while the DJ blasted "Celebration." I thought I looked like the smoothest person alive.
When I wasn't at the rink, my driveway was my main stage. As a little girl, I would glide up and down the concrete pretending to be Olympic figure skater Dorothy Hamill. I was so obsessed that I convinced my mom to let me get that iconic, bowl-adjacent wedge haircut.
Fast forward years later, when I was working in TV news in Southeast Texas, I actually got the chance to introduce Dorothy at an event I was emceeing. Getting to stand there in a professional capacity and explain to an actual Olympic legend that I used to try to replicate her triple axels on my four-wheeled roller skates in my driveway was a total full-circle, "please don't call security on me”, moment.
But Dorothy wasn't my only driveway persona. Some days, I was fighting crime. Now, you might think because of my name I would have chosen Kelly Garrett (aka Jaclyn Smith) as my Charlie’s Angels alter ego. Nope. My heart belonged to Kris Munroe. Cheryl Ladd was my absolute favorite. She was stunning, she was cool, and she wore denim jumpsuits like nobody's business. I was entirely convinced that I could chase down and citizens-arrest any bad guy who dared step foot on our cul-de-sac, all while channeling my inner Cheryl Ladd and praying I didn't hit a pebble and face-plant into the curb.
My love for the rink never really faded. In fact, when I was staring down my 50th birthday a few years ago, I told Bob, "That's it. I want a retro roller skating party."
Now, bless his heart, Bob was totally game to take me. He was fully supportive of my nostalgic dream—with one very strict condition. He swore up and down that he would be sitting firmly on the sidelines, safely glued to a bench, watching in awe. He had zero intention of putting eight wheels of terror on his own feet.
Unfortunately, he didn't even get the chance to be my solo spectator - I couldn't get a single soul to agree to join me at the roller rink. Everyone was utterly terrified that a night at the rink would end with a ride in an ambulance and a matching set of orthopedic casts. Apparently, once you hit half a century, gravity gets a lot heavier, your health insurance deductible becomes your primary concern, and nobody wants to risk a broken hip for a slice of birthday cake.
It’s funny how birthdays change as you get older. You stop celebrating with big, elaborate parties, but you definitely start appreciating them a whole lot more. As the old saying goes, it is much better to be on this side of the dirt!
Remember when we were little kids and we couldn't wait to grow up? If someone asked your age, you were so incredibly proud to add that extra fraction. "I'm six and a HALF!" you'd say, puffing your chest out like you’d actually accomplished something.
Yeah... nobody over 40 adds the "and a half" anymore. If anything, we start rounding down. Aggressively.
BUT, I have some absolutely fantastic news to share about my birthday this year. I’ve officially cracked the code on aging, you guys. Einstein has nothing on me.
Last year, I completely lost track of time and forgot how old I actually was. I mistakenly spent the entire year thinking I was a year older than I was. Which means... I have already been living at the age I am turning today for an entire twelve months! So, by my flawless logic and superior birthday math, I am not actually adding another year today. I'm just renewing the lease on this one! It's a freebie!
Whether you’re blowing out a fire hazard’s worth of candles today, chasing bad guys in your driveway like Cheryl Ladd, or just happy that your knees didn't make a popping sound when you got out of bed, thank you for being part of my journey. Here’s to staying young at heart, even if our joints are telling us a completely different story.
