08/21/2026
AITA for canceling my dad's retirement party after finding out who he invited?
i (27f) planned my dad's retirement party for months because he basically raised me after my parents divorced. my dad (59m) kept telling me he wanted something small, just family and a few old coworkers, so i booked a private room and paid for almost everything myself. then three days before the party i found out he'd invited the woman who had an affair with my mom.
i thought maybe i'd misunderstood. nope. she was on the guest list and apparently my dad had been talking to her for weeks. when i confronted him he said their relationship was "ancient history" and that everyone needed to grow up. i reminded him my mom was still alive and that she had specifically told me she wouldn't attend if that woman was there. he shrugged and said he wasnt responsible for everybody else's feelings.
so i canceled the whole thing. yeah. all of it. i called the venue, ate the cancellation fee and messaged everyone that the party was off. my dad completely lost it and said i had no right to ruin something that was supposed to celebrate him. i told him he could absolutely throw his own party and invite whoever the hell he wanted, but i wasnt going to spend my money and organize a family event around humiliating my mother.
my boyfriend thinks i did the right thing, but my aunt says i weaponized my mom's pain to punish my dad. now my dad is telling relatives that i embarrassed him in front of his coworkers and ruined his retirement. my mom has barely said anything, which somehow makes me feel worse. she keeps saying she didnt ask me to cancel it, even though i know exactly why she wouldnt have gone.
my dad says i owe him a new party and my family keeps telling me to stop "taking sides" because the affair happened twenty years ago. maybe they're right. maybe i let my anger turn into something that wasnt mine to control. but i also feel like i was asked to plan a celebration and then expected to quietly facilitate something that would hurt my mom all over again. so now i'm wondering if i crossed a line. AITA?