11/04/2022
Listen up, children, to the tale of the McMillions Historical Heist.
So McDonalds
is again running the Monopoly “Coast to Coast” Game (in Canada: the US can suck it), it's time to feature the infamous "McMillions" in our series. Grab the McBreakfastSandwich of your choice and settle in.
“From 1989 to 2001, there were almost no legitimate winners of the high-value game pieces in the McDonald’s Monopoly game. I mean, how crazy-bullsh*t is that?” FBI Special Agent Doug Matthews
It's pretty crazy-bullsh*t, Doug.
For starters, there's the setting. McDonalds
is the archetypal home of bland, cheap food substitutes, and makes its money by making pennies in margin on every McWhatever. But the total value of this heist was $24 MILLION over ten years and multiple US states.
Then there's the game. Basically, when you purchase an item at McDonalds, you get a Monopoly-themed token with which to play. It fits into a designated spot on the playing board. There are small prizes and big to be won. The contest is estimated to have boosted sales by 40%.
Then there's the nomenclature. Depending who you talk to, this is either the McMillion$ case (HBO) or the "Hamburglar Heist" (TimesOfIsrael). The FBI op to take it down was called "Final Answer."
Will they get the bad guy and his 53 dupes? That's the skill-testing question!
Then there's the cast.
You got your main villain, Jerome “Uncle Jerry” Jacobson: ex-cop turned PI turned security consultant turned to the dark side. In charge of security for McDonalds Monopoly.
Literally the man holding all the cards. All the winning cards.
Then there are the bit players, who literally collected the money on Uncle Jerry's behalf.
There were 53 in all. He (or his mafia agent) would make a soft approach, through a friend, a cousin, the friend of a cousin.
Heard you're going Through It right now. I can help.
He was looking for mules, but he didn't call them that.
"I've got a winning ticket here," he'd say. "But can't be the one to cash it in, for ... reasons. I'll pay you a fee to be the one to do it and give me the money."
A little bit of work, a lot of reward, and to most it didn't seem shady. It seemed like Their Moment. They took it.
"I just wanted a better life, and I felt like, this couldn't come to me if it wasn't meant to be," said one victim/perpetrator.
Former Assistant U.S. Attorney Mark Devereaux added, "The vast majority of these 'winners,' they're good people."
Uncle Jerry, friends, was not.
Those who fell for Uncle Jerry's pitch got some money, it's true, but they paid tax on the full amount of the winnings, sometimes ending up even poorer than they started out. That's a good recipe for turning a network of friends into a resentful hierarchy of risk.
There are many more colorful asides in this tale, including appearances by the actual Mafia doing recruitment for Uncle Jerry, a psychic, another crooked security provider at McDonalds (get your HR straight, people!), drug runners, Mormons, and a yacht named Ruthless Scoundrel.
Eventually one of Uncle Jerry's patsies had had enough, and went to the FBI. Eight people were initially arrested.
Uncle Jerry has long since gotten out of prison. In 2018, he was living a quiet life as a retiree in Georgia. No Get Out of Jail Free card for him: he served his time.
