Hot Mess Porter Express

Hot Mess Porter Express Hot mess mom of 4 feral gremlins. Anxiety enthusiast. Surviving on iced coffee and chaos. *Technically* a healthcare worker and children’s book author.

05/28/2026

Please leave your ridiculous unhinged tips for fighting when married below, I need more of these 😈

Respectfully, move the kid 20 feet away. There no need to break out the hypotenuses. Ew, math. 🤮
05/27/2026

Respectfully, move the kid 20 feet away. There no need to break out the hypotenuses.
Ew, math. 🤮

Why is the boy sitting so close to a tree in the first place? 😭

04/27/2026
POV: Two of my children just stood up and said “Dinner was great, thank you mommy!”
04/27/2026

POV: Two of my children just stood up and said “Dinner was great, thank you mommy!”

03/24/2026

Aunt Vicki gave Alex a core memory in Florida 🥹😂

Throwback to this photoshop job. I paid for this.
02/02/2026

Throwback to this photoshop job. I paid for this.

01/30/2026

My sweet Addison

01/30/2026

What’s for dinner tonight?
Drop your favorite recipes below ⬇️ 👇

01/30/2026

I’m the mom messaging the teacher asking for extra copies of homework because the toddler attacked it with a pen.
I see other moms on social media showing everything looking picture perfect.
I am not that mom.
I have 4 kids, and the house is a constant mess. It’s noisy. It’s chaotic.

Some seasons are loud and messy.
That’s not failure. That’s life. It can be simultaneously exhausting and meaningful.

Address

Elk Grove, CA

Website

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