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07/27/2026

The Next Chapter of the Greeneville TN News.
Coming soon.

07/19/2026

17 year old Chuckey-Doak Highschool student arrested after police discovered a connection between him and several mural vandalisms earlier this week. GREENEVILLE TN - Seventeen year old Highschool student Quindiddle Dungle arrested yesterday evening at his home on West Main street. "I have committed no such crime!" said Mr. Dungle while being escorted into a patrol car.
Local police discovered the vandalized mural on West Depot street as well as a graffitied police car in the Greeneville Highschool parking lot and began their investigation immediately.
After searching Quindiddle Dungle's home, police found several cans of spray paint, $13,000 dollars worth of Reeses peanut butter M&Ms, and a copy of the book Crime and Punishment written by Fyodor Dostoevsky. A thorough search of Mr. Dungle's phone came up with a list of famous murals located in various places throughout town, with each file being meticulously named "Places I hate and I'm going to vandalize because I'm evil." Quinddidle Dungle was identified after an anonymous classmate of his reported to law enforcement that Mr. Dungle had posted a picture of the now defaced mural on a private snapchat story.
The police chief of Greeneville, Rupert Soup, had this to say, "I would have shot that d*mn kid if he ran, I hate him," in response to a question about a vandalized patrol car.
Quindiddle Dungle will be facing 3 counts of criminal mischief with the the minimum sentence being 75 years in federal prison. Mr. Dungle will be eligible for parole in 2069.

04/12/2026

REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE DR. RHETT DOGAN running for Greene County Mayor in next election. Dr. Rhett Dogan, 43, of Mosheim Tennessee, is seeking mayoral office in the next election.
"I will improve our aging infrastructure. I will provide funding to our schools which dearly need it, and I will make sure your tax payer dollars are going where you least expect it," Dr. Dogan explained in a recent interview.
Dr. Dogan achieved his P.H.D in Egyptology from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology at sixteen years old in 1996, Dr. Dogan then served faithfully on the Greeneville City Police Force until a leg injury in 2008. "I will build the Greene County space force, from the ground up, with my own two hands. North Greene high school will lead the initiative, ensuring that Greene County becomes the forefront of space technology and innovations." Turdin Poole, a 27 year old man from Greeneville had this to say; "Goin Dogan is what I always say, wrote the man in the presidential election, a vote for Dogan is a vote for democracy." Dr. Rhett Dogan has promised to steal all of your things, from your family, to your parents and your children he will personally steal all your things using his position of power. We at Greeneville Tennessee News endorse Dr. Rhett Dogan for Greene County mayor. Dogan Dogan Campaign Slogan!

01/10/2026

BTWX Uranium Enrichment plant to be built directly in the heart of Greeneville. January 9th, 2026 - Yesterday at the Greeneville town hall it was announced that a new uranium enrichment plant would be built in the heart of Greeneville off of Snapps Ferry Road. The plant, which was rejected by another city due to ongoing safety concerns and backlash from the public, was unanimously agreed upon by the city planning commission to be constructed during the 15-minute meeting on Friday. "This marks the latest economic development in town, and we expect this to bring in millions of dollars of tax revenue into the city" one city planner had to say. Another councilman, Arnold Swervenbocker said, "This may be the first project of it's kind, but it certainly will NOT be the last, we hope to build many more uranium factories exactly like this one, and I mean like maybe even bigger. If we put the next one we're gonna build on a scale of 1-10 it would place at a 100." The Chief Executive Officer of BTWX, Dick Humbleton Magee, said, "I honestly think we might just start dumping waste into the nearby river, just to p**s people off." The company BTWX was behind infamous incidents such as the 1986 Chernobyl disaster resulting in the deaths of 18 million, and causing long term health problems and complications including but not limited to severe cancer on an untold number of people.
The Greeneville City Planning Council has directed anybody who has anything to say about their decision to attend their follow-up meeting on the matter where they will be answering any questions the public has on their January 13th meeting at the G Thomas Love Boardroom on 110, N College St, Greeneville TN, 37745 at 9:30 am.

02/06/2025

FROG FOUND IN FOOD! Panda Express Greeneville unveils new "Authentic" menu featuring live amphibians.
Panda Express CEO Edward Goobington revealed last Sunday that the company would be testing new menu options at the Greeneville location, one of which included greens with a side of frogs. Much to the dismay of one customer, who was not satisfied with the extra protein and described their shock and disgust. Our food safety expert, Dr. Benjamin Caldwell, a biologist at the University of Tennessee Knoxville, says not to worry. "These frogs promote good gut bacteria and assist your immune system in functioning." As of yet, Panda Express has not issued a statement regarding the complaints.

01/22/2025

🎊 Thank you all for two thousand followers!!🎊

Two thousand of you rely on us for the most accurate and trustworthy news available in the wonderful city of Greeneville.

We can't thank you enough for your continued support. We’re proud to keep bringing you the most trustworthy news—and we couldn’t do it without you.

Here’s to another two thousand! 🥂

- Greeneville TN News Editor-in-Chief.

01/09/2025

⚠️GREENEVILLE WEATHER ADVISORY WARNING⚠️
Snow storms expected from Thursday onwards. Reports show of at least 540 inches of snow expected, a weather record for the region surpassing even the snow storm of 1993 which received in some areas up to 56 inches of snow. Miklós Horthy, assistant superintendent of Greeneville City Schools has called all school out for the following dates:
Thursday, January 9th
Friday, January 10th

As well as all of the following week.

It is urged to stock up on toilet paper and purchase buckets as there are expectations of downed sewer lines.

🚨Do NOT use your toilet as it will explode!🚨

06/04/2024

Greeneville sets forth new plan to demolish Laughlin Hospital to make room for new "Super Sized Walmart." Ricky Re*****on Jr, Walmart CEO, has officially gotten the green light. The Mayor announced the news earlier this week at a press conference. "Greenevillians have long been complaining about stuff to do in this town. Well they're in luck now. We're bringing the newest, fanciest, and biggest Walmart to Greeneville." The mayor continued, "Where Laughlin sits now is the perfect plot of land for a brand new 24/7 Walmart" Construction is set to begin Spring 2025.

04/01/2024

Greenevillians, you're in luck. You wont be needing glasses for this year's solar eclipse! Science has your back this year Greeneville, a rare phenomena occurs only in your hometown which does not require the "necessity" of eye protection glasses. We interviewed local astronomer ChesterField McLaughlin III. "Now if you're not located in Greeneville then please wear the glasses, however, if you are viewing the solar event inside of Greene County then you will be more than fine to leave those glasses inside." His thesis outlined several details that allowed him to conclude this. "Light is made of quantum particles that really like to move. When the moon blocks the light some rays will hit the Appalachian mountains and bounce off resulting in Bio-Dynamic light." In laymen's terms, the mountains reflect the light just perfectly that it creates a "quantum bubble" that blocks damaging rays from the sun allowing you to view the solar event without glasses. Have fun Greeneville!

08/25/2023

The shocking but disgusting reason behind Fatz Cafe's sudden disappearance, on August 8th 2023 an image was allegedly realeased by an anonymous persons who works for the southern restraunt chain "Fatz" which depicts a piece of fried chicken with a cockroach running around in it, the CEO Jerald Ford came quick to deny these allegations at the press conference held on August 12th to address the image "One bad location does not define the Fatz Brand, and even so we strive to have our kitchens the cleanest and that never happened, as in the cockroach not the fact that our kitchen wasn't clean, let me make that clear, I just misspoke, you get what I'm trying to say." On August 16th another alleged image surfaced with a man standing in two tubs of lettuce, he claimed he worked for the food chain, with him adding "This is the lettuce you eat at Fatz Cafe." as soon as this final image was posted the CEO tweeted "I'm done" and soon every single location was closed by Wednesday 23rd. The CEO has not released any further comments since then.

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