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Greeneville TN News

The Most Trustworthy News Source in the Great Town of Greeneville, Tennessee.

02/06/2025

FROG FOUND IN FOOD! Panda Express Greeneville unveils new "Authentic" menu featuring live amphibians.
Panda Express CEO Edward Goobington revealed last Sunday that the company would be testing new menu options at the Greeneville location, one of which included greens with a side of frogs. Much to the dismay of one customer, who was not satisfied with the extra protein and described their shock and disgust. Our food safety expert, Dr. Benjamin Caldwell, a biologist at the University of Tennessee Knoxville, says not to worry. "These frogs promote good gut bacteria and assist your immune system in functioning." As of yet, Panda Express has not issued a statement regarding the complaints.

01/22/2025

🎊 Thank you all for two thousand followers!!🎊

Two thousand of you rely on us for the most accurate and trustworthy news available in the wonderful city of Greeneville.

We can't thank you enough for your continued support. We’re proud to keep bringing you the most trustworthy news—and we couldn’t do it without you.

Here’s to another two thousand! 🥂

- Greeneville TN News Editor-in-Chief.

01/09/2025

⚠️GREENEVILLE WEATHER ADVISORY WARNING⚠️
Snow storms expected from Thursday onwards. Reports show of at least 540 inches of snow expected, a weather record for the region surpassing even the snow storm of 1993 which received in some areas up to 56 inches of snow. Miklós Horthy, assistant superintendent of Greeneville City Schools has called all school out for the following dates:
Thursday, January 9th
Friday, January 10th

As well as all of the following week.

It is urged to stock up on toilet paper and purchase buckets as there are expectations of downed sewer lines.

🚨Do NOT use your toilet as it will explode!🚨

06/04/2024

Greeneville sets forth new plan to demolish Laughlin Hospital to make room for new "Super Sized Walmart." Ricky Re*****on Jr, Walmart CEO, has officially gotten the green light. The Mayor announced the news earlier this week at a press conference. "Greenevillians have long been complaining about stuff to do in this town. Well they're in luck now. We're bringing the newest, fanciest, and biggest Walmart to Greeneville." The mayor continued, "Where Laughlin sits now is the perfect plot of land for a brand new 24/7 Walmart" Construction is set to begin Spring 2025.

04/01/2024

Greenevillians, you're in luck. You wont be needing glasses for this year's solar eclipse! Science has your back this year Greeneville, a rare phenomena occurs only in your hometown which does not require the "necessity" of eye protection glasses. We interviewed local astronomer ChesterField McLaughlin III. "Now if you're not located in Greeneville then please wear the glasses, however, if you are viewing the solar event inside of Greene County then you will be more than fine to leave those glasses inside." His thesis outlined several details that allowed him to conclude this. "Light is made of quantum particles that really like to move. When the moon blocks the light some rays will hit the Appalachian mountains and bounce off resulting in Bio-Dynamic light." In laymen's terms, the mountains reflect the light just perfectly that it creates a "quantum bubble" that blocks damaging rays from the sun allowing you to view the solar event without glasses. Have fun Greeneville!

08/25/2023

The shocking but disgusting reason behind Fatz Cafe's sudden disappearance, on August 8th 2023 an image was allegedly realeased by an anonymous persons who works for the southern restraunt chain "Fatz" which depicts a piece of fried chicken with a cockroach running around in it, the CEO Jerald Ford came quick to deny these allegations at the press conference held on August 12th to address the image "One bad location does not define the Fatz Brand, and even so we strive to have our kitchens the cleanest and that never happened, as in the cockroach not the fact that our kitchen wasn't clean, let me make that clear, I just misspoke, you get what I'm trying to say." On August 16th another alleged image surfaced with a man standing in two tubs of lettuce, he claimed he worked for the food chain, with him adding "This is the lettuce you eat at Fatz Cafe." as soon as this final image was posted the CEO tweeted "I'm done" and soon every single location was closed by Wednesday 23rd. The CEO has not released any further comments since then.

05/09/2023

Depot street "revitalization" facing cancellation due to a new one billion dollar "super stadium" to be built instead. Earlier this evening the mayor of Greeneville has proposed that a "super stadium" to be built and replace the current Depot street revitalization project. "I believe that this stadium would be an excellent investment opportunity, and would bring plenty more tourists. and possibly even, people who could find a place to live in our small community." He said. All city officials voted in favor of this project 14-0. Demolition of the current depot street is set for this coming August while construction for the brand new football stadium, which will be located off of Rufe Taylor Road, is set for this coming spring and will be finished by the year 2027 just in time for the football season.

01/17/2023

The Greeneville Sun continues to post more trash articles that nobody cares about. Chief Editor at the Greeneville Sun, Clifford Buckingham said today, "We've officially ran out of ideas, we are just going to start posting about sports until someone says something." In the past year, 68% of Greeneville Sun employees have transitioned to the Greeneville TN News work force. This is a result of higher wages, more benefits, less hours, and they "actually have something to do." The Greeneville Sun is expected to announce bankruptcy in the coming days just to have something to write about that's not basketball.

12/25/2022

Greeneville Mayor and Aldermen has recently passed a bill resulting in a 75% increase in property tax this following year due to the war in Ukraine. The town of Greeneville announced the "Liberty Bill" following the record breaking temperatures. This new Bill requires all residents of the Greeneville/Greene county area to pay an upwards of 75% on all property taxes starting January 7th 2023, in an effort to support Ukraine through the Ukrainian Crisis Relief. President Zelenskyy's speech in the capitol warmed the hearts of many Greeneville Officials. The Mayor refers to this as " a Christmas present not for Ukraine, but for democracy."

12/20/2022

Greeneville Highschool to be demolished and rebuilt 40 yards from its original location due to property line dispute. Today the Greeneville City School board as well as the town of Greeneville released shocking news involving a property dispute between Greeneville Highschool and a man named Homer Fraudulent who owns several apartments on Volunteer Street. When Greeneville Highschool was constructed it was built on Homer's relative's land. Homer is now threatening the school with legal action if they do not evacuate the part of the property the school falls on. The school board has collectively agreed to demolish the school, and rebuild it 40 yards to the right from its original location, placing the school off of Homer's property. Homer had this to say "It's justice well deserved, you wouldn't want no free-loaders sittin on your property refusing to pay any sort of rent, I feel they had this coming". The demolition is set to begin next spring.

10/20/2022

Sorry Friends, but Greeneville is no more. Governor Bill Lee meets with the prime minister of France this week to discuss the "trade" of Greeneville in return for land on the moon that is currently occupied by the French Government. Bill Lee had this to say, "we don't really need Greeneville, I mean they're alright but who doesn't wanna live in France right?" Greeneville will officially be renamed to "New seins" in the coming year depending on whether the supreme court will allow the occupation of France within the territory of the United States. If the supreme court does rule in favor, all residents of Greeneville will officially be knighted "peasants of the French Republic" and French Officials will meet with the citizens soon after.

02/07/2022

Kentucky Fried finger found in bottled KFC water on the Andrew Johnson Highway. A woman by the name of Betty Hunter purchased a bottle of KFC water one day and went home, when she got home she drank a majority of the water when she realized something wasn't right, after a close inspection of the clear water bottle she found something horrendous, a severed finger inside the bottled water. She returned to KFC and asked for a refund, but they denied possession of the finger, the manager Gabes Nuts who was in fact was missing a finger claimed "We got all fingers all the time and none be missing except for mine but it doesn't matter" after a DNA analysis it was found the finger in fact belonged to Gabes Nuts, Kentucky fried chicken is now facing an 8 Million dollar lawsuit.

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