Parents of Adult Children

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Mis-thinking

When we are very young we are taught the rules about surviving in our society. This is true for every race across the planet, probably in the stars as well. Sometimes it is not so much a journey as it is a free-fall--but we are not prepared for that. We are prepared for the Ideal. How it SHOULD be. Learning that’s not how it is becomes the shattering entrance into adulthood.

For my generation it was television. We were the first electronically raised generation. Television was a miracle engaging us in other-worldly experiences that no-one could conceive of or predict. We were fed a feast of social lies. And we believed them: The ideal middle class family as depicted in mid-century television-seductive, but in conflict with reality.

We, the Boomers attempted to make that ideal manifest- so we created a pseudo society where everything is perfect. Each relationship is defined, and the responsive behavior patterns obvious. I grew up thinking that my family was fractured because it did not follow the model that I knew from television, so I vowed that I would use “Father Knows Best” as my model for parenting. In that world, the kids were responsive, responsible and had great respect for their parents. I vowed to be that all-knowing, wise parent with each answer perfectly worded and accepted with a bowed head as if it were the Sermon on the Mount.

THEN I had kids that did not fit into my neat, grand equation, and learned that the relationships I thought I was cultivating were unrealistic. But not soon enough.

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