Mid-Valley Tribune

Mid-Valley Tribune Your news. Mostly accurate, 110% of the time.

The Mid-Willamette Valley's premier news organization, primarily covering news in Lebanon, OR. Albany, Corvallis, and surrounding areas also covered. Editor in Chief: Kirk Conaway

11/02/2016

The planned Porter Street Park may be one of Lebanon's more popular park if things go as planned.

At last week's marijuana forum, it was suggested that the porter street park should allow marijuana cultivation in the community garden.

If measure 22-146 does not pass, marijuana producers, processors, wholesalers, and retailers will be allowed to operate within Linn County.

Citizens were arguing that if it is legal to produce marijuana in Lebanon, then the community gardens at Lebanon parks should be able to grow the plant. - Kirk Conaway

A COMP-NW liberal student group is petitioning the City of Lebanon to build a Harambe monument at Strawberry Park. The d...
10/31/2016

A COMP-NW liberal student group is petitioning the City of Lebanon to build a Harambe monument at Strawberry Park. The downtown park, currently under construction, won't need any changes to the current design. The three ton copper statue of the deceased gorilla would be placed next to the Strawberry fountain inside the park. - Kirk Conaway

Local tough guy, and self proclaimed "Clown Vigilante", harassed a mother of two today. Sarah McMillen of Lebanon was in...
10/06/2016

Local tough guy, and self proclaimed "Clown Vigilante", harassed a mother of two today. Sarah McMillen of Lebanon was in tears Wednesday afternoon, when a 25 year old man approached her, shouting that she was evil and wanted to hurt people. McMillen's children ran in fear, but came back when their mother crafted balloon swords for them to scare off the assailant.

Mrs. McMillen refused to comment on the situation.

Local authorities claim that the Facebook rumor mill is to blame. They have been receiving screen shots from citizens, who have been assisting in order to squander threats.

Newly released study peers deep into American culture. Anne Romely, retired college professor, said "Most of the problem...
10/05/2016

Newly released study peers deep into American culture.

Anne Romely, retired college professor, said "Most of the problems with American society stem from people not knowing how to search out scholarly sources. This leads to our 'outrage culture' mentality; people get upset when they discover they've been had".

Romely continued saying that Facebook is now looked upon as the primary source of news for people, often creating unrest, concern, and abnormal behavior.

"Websites like 'The Onion' have tricked many people over the years," Romely stated.

UPDATE: It was discovered that the clown caught in the security camera footage last night was simply an employee of a ne...
10/04/2016

UPDATE: It was discovered that the clown caught in the security camera footage last night was simply an employee of a new delivery company called "Happy Smiles Delivery".

This company specializes in late night delivery dressed as clowns "to bring a smile to [their] customer's faces".

The employee shown in the footage was notified by his supervisor to choose a "more friendly" mask.

Interestingly, two years ago, a Happy Smiles Delivery in Florida had the same issue, scaring local residents.
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BREAKING NEWS: Lebanon resident catches scary clown trespassing on their property.

The family was shocked to see the recording from their security cameras last night. People who live near the 600 block of Maple Street should be on high alert, and are requested to report any suspicious activity in the area.

09/25/2016

The extreme fall weather has already been causing power problems throughout the Valley.

Power will be back on for another hour, then both Pacific Power and Consumers Power will have to do some work at the main switch station.

Be prepared for power to be out overnight. Put all refrigerated items in ice chests.

The citizens of Lebanon remember those who perished in the attacks on  September, 11th 2001
09/12/2016

The citizens of Lebanon remember those who perished in the attacks on September, 11th 2001

09/10/2016
Upworthy

Lebanon residents plan to petition the city to start a program to employ the homeless, rather than creating ordinances that try to drive them out of town. The group believes that the program would be a proactive way to fight homelessness.

A few suggestions have been made for the first work projects if the city decides to hop on-board:
1. Clean up piles of garbage left at former popular panhandling locations.
2. Wash the Community Service Officer's car for constantly having to kick people out from behind Bi-Mart.
3. Repaint the Ralston Park gazebo due to the marks left from putting out cigarettes.

https://www.facebook.com/Upworthy/videos/1268563466517842/

This is what it looks like when a city chooses to help, not punish, people in need. (via Mayor Richard J. Berry)

09/05/2016

It is official!! The Battle of Sherman Street is set for November. Mayor Paul Aziz is looking to continue his reign as mayor, and incumbent, Forest Bosley, is attempting to dethrone him.

On September 10th, the two will be contending against each other; not on the debate stage, but in an American Gladiator style púgil stick battle. All proceeds will go to pay Fate 55's fee to play at the Academy Square Grand Opening Celebration on the 13th.

07/27/2016

The Lebanon Downtown Beautification Committee (LDBC) is now offering free covers for business owners whose landlords do not take care of the condition of their building. These covers have three different designs painted on them that resemble a remodeled, up kept buildings; free of cracks, stains, and torn awnings. First choice of the covers go to those who are leasing north of Maple Street, downtown.

07/27/2016

BREAKING NEWS: Local woman appalled by a man known as "The Junk Jiggler" who shakes his manhood at female citizens. Man last seen near 8th and Walker in a light blue newer van or SUV. Please, if you catch a photo of The Junk Jiggler, keep the shots above the waist.

-Kirk Conaway

12/15/2015

The new Lebanon McDonald's had a ribbon cutting ceremony at it's grand opening yesterday. Mayor Paul Aziz took part in the ceremony. Seriously folks.

When stores decide to display Christmas merchandise in October, that's one thing, but when the Grinch comes to visit, he...
10/25/2015

When stores decide to display Christmas merchandise in October, that's one thing, but when the Grinch comes to visit, help us all.

In fact, the Grinch did come pay Lebanon residents a visit this month. Residents of South 8th Street, Galena Loop, and Snow Peak Place noticed a 19% to 27% hike in their Real Market Value (RMV), some showing increases of taxes owed by $500 to $700.

An $8000 increase of the RMV of land values has been applied to many of these residents, but also to numerous properties throughout Lebanon. The increase of the property is not the problem here; the problem is the drastic 20% to 33% increase in the RMV of structure values, most who haven't upgraded their properties in years. Why are all these residents seeing these sudden hikes?

A $500 to $700 rise in property taxes may not be a big deal for some people, but this part of town is home to many retirees, many of which are on fixed incomes.

If you have any questions concerning your tax bill, feel free to contact the Linn County Tax Assessor via email at [email protected], or give them a call at (541) 967-3808.

Kirk Conaway, Editor

Images c/o Google Maps, and Forbes.com

10/21/2015

Lebanon City Council approves a maximum $600 fine to residents who leave their garbage cans out on the street. The time window for acceptable trash receptacle staging is 24 hours before and after collection day. Since excessive garbage can display is the leading problem in Lebanon, police officers and the court system will have ample time taking care of the issue.

The issue of drunks hanging out behind Bi-Mart, and theft in the central residential area of Lebanon, have been tabled indefinitely.

08/13/2015

Due to the political correctness uproar brought by Target, the City of Lebanon will be removing all gender descriptions from public restrooms to become a more inclusive community.

This Thursday, Abbott & Costello's Jack and the Beanstalk will be shown at Scroggins Mill for "Movies at the Mill".Here'...
08/12/2015
Scroggins Mill Rural Heritage | Future Historic Museum, Public Park & Learning Center

This Thursday, Abbott & Costello's Jack and the Beanstalk will be shown at Scroggins Mill for "Movies at the Mill".

Here's a list of FAQs for the event:

Who's Abbott & Costello?

Er... I'm not sure. I wasn't born before the beginning of the Cold War. I think they did that Who's on First? comedy skit that baseball lovers, like myself, appreciate.

Will my kids enjoy the movie?

Maybe, unless all they like is "Paw Patrol" or "Big Hero 6". This film is from the 50s, so expect awkward situations, mild sexism and stereotypes.

Will there be Bingo afterwards?

Hold on there Gladyce, this thing starts at 8:30 and you have to take your bed time pills at 9. 40&8 will be open the next day at 4pm.

Will there be a clean spot for me to sit on the grass to watch the movie?

If by grass you mean gravel with patches of weeds and clover, absolutely there will be! Scroggins has paid local bicycle people to rinse urine from the exterior walls and to pick up the jagged, shattered 40oz "Old English" bottles and "Four Loco" cans. Aside from the occasional cigarette butt or condom wrapper, this place is safe (enough) for your family.

Is there access for my Rascal?

Yes. Scroggins has created paths for ease of access. If you don't have access to a Scooter, Samaritan Health has lent scooters that work once your Medicare information is entered.

Known as the Lebanon Warehouse, the mill had a capacity of 60,000 bushels. Later it was leased and used for many years by Ralph Scroggin, and hence became known as Scoggins Mill. See More »

06/10/2015
Mayor Assaults & Breaks Actvist's Camera in Portlandia

Waterloo Mayor Greg Maas accused of breaking Portland activist's camera.

Kirk Conaway - Minutes after the end of the Grand Floral Parade in Portland, Maas muscled into an altercation with "Kif" Davis, who proclaims himself as an activist journalist.

Davis, intimidated by the size of the retired Marine, was soon to squeel for police. Using camera trickery, Davis makes it look as if Maas broke his camera.

Two important things we have learned; (1) Don't irritate a US Marine; (2) Waterloo has a Mayor.

Seriously, I had no idea Waterloo even needed a mayor.

https://youtu.be/fJmlt9k4XGE

The mayor of Waterloo attacked the camera of Kif Davis during a Rose Festival parade in Portland, Oregon. Kif and Mike were utilizing their first amendment r...

06/05/2015

The City of Albany Picks Fight With Lebanon

Kirk Conaway - Yet another round in the match between the Cities of Albany and Lebanon end with Lebanon avoiding a thrown sucker-punch and connecting a stiff jab to the nose of Albany.

Threats were received by Lebanon City Manager Gary Marks, from Albany's City Manager Wes "The Rabbit" Hare. The correspondence from "The Rabbit" demanded that Lebanon cease drawing water from the canal - which acts as a secondary source of water for Albany - to keep Cheadle Lake at high enough water levels to remain useful. He claimed Lebanon was doing so without permission.

Lebanon's Attorney responded a stern letter, including evidence that Albany has been aware with Lebanon's actions with emails that documented the conversation. In summary, the letter read "nanner nanner nanner."

Conveniently, Albany's threats have coincided with recent dissatisfaction over canal dealings.

The Tribune has discovered the true reasoning behind Albany's volatile acts regarding canal water. Albany has implemented a plan to "wash the stink out" of the city.

One specific stink issue has stemmed from the 300 block of Broadalbin Street. Distinct, pungent odors of dog feces and decomposing tuna has engulfed a building on the block. Concerned residents have endlessly complained that the offices are filled with beer cans and stacks of magazines. To protect the identity of these individuals, the Tribune has opted not to share the details of the building.

A citizen, who asked to remain anonymous, said "It's gonna take a lot more than water to wash the stink out of that place!"

BREAKING: Lebanon Strawberry Festival planning committee decides on 2015 theme."Strawberry All-stars" is thought to take...
03/13/2015

BREAKING: Lebanon Strawberry Festival planning committee decides on 2015 theme.

"Strawberry All-stars" is thought to take the town by storm.

Lebanon's most brilliant citizens emerged from the top secret location of the Strawberry Festival Command Center, which is said to be in a bunker atop Peterson's Butte, after 17 hours of deliberation to shock citizens with four-fifths of a promotional poster and promises of "supreme awesomeness".

Identities of those who participated will remain a secret. The Tribune has received word from a source that one is a former Canadian resident who insisted on placing a hockey stick on the poster, considering no one who truly loves America plays hockey.

The Tribune has also learned that there will be a secondary theme. The specifics remain unknown, but it is said to be a healthcare or culinary theme judging by the large black depiction of a virus or peppercorn.

Keep checking back with the Tribune for more updates!

-Kirk Conaway, Editor-in-chief

2015 WINDPACOLYPSE - Lebanon residents trapped within city. No power causes citizens to open books and talk with familie...
02/09/2015

2015 WINDPACOLYPSE - Lebanon residents trapped within city. No power causes citizens to open books and talk with families. People with generators asking premium pricing for charging of cell phones.

Willamette Manor was the recipient of generously donated Christmas gifts last Friday.Rhodes-Warden Insurance put up Chri...
12/22/2014

Willamette Manor was the recipient of generously donated Christmas gifts last Friday.

Rhodes-Warden Insurance put up Christmas trees at the senior center, residents asked for what they wanted, and Rhodes-Warden, their Facebook followers, and others purchased the gifts.

If only delivery went as smooth.

An independent delivery service was hired to surprise the elderly with the goods. Unfortunately, their destination was incorrect. The gifts were dropped on the street in front of an unoccupied Lacomb business.

Rhodes-Warden were finally able to locate the lost gifts before too many of them were modified.

Agnus Belcher, of room 103 at Willamette Manor, requested an electric scooter so she could visit her grandchildren who live accross the street. Now she is receiving job offers from local law enforcement due to her extreme firepower.

The photo below is evidence from Rhodes-Warden's lawsuit against Bobby McCall, man accused of scooter modifications.

As tradition amongst the Lebanon area news organizations, the 30 lap Speed Roller Blade Race between newspaper editors w...
12/10/2014

As tradition amongst the Lebanon area news organizations, the 30 lap Speed Roller Blade Race between newspaper editors will be heald at the Lebanon Skating Rink, December 31st at 11:00 pm.

I, Kirk Conaway, editor of the Mid-Valley Tribune, challenge new Lebanon Express Editor Matt DeBow. Congratulations on the job, better oil up your skates!

Samaritan Center hotel set to open May 2015. Medical insurance will be allowed to pay for meals. Obamacare will pay for ...
12/01/2014

Samaritan Center hotel set to open May 2015. Medical insurance will be allowed to pay for meals.

Obamacare will pay for a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of ice water.

Medicaid will cover 50% of the bill, no tip.

There will be a special, every day, offered at the lowest price on the menu at $129.00.

Bar drinks will be $70 for the first beer until your deductible has been met.

Walmart of Lebanon reports record Black Friday sales thanks to revolutionary sales tactics. Walmart marketing department...
11/29/2014

Walmart of Lebanon reports record Black Friday sales thanks to revolutionary sales tactics.

Walmart marketing department decided to go with a "regional sales program" which strategizes offering items at a low price geared towards the specific population of one area.

Walmart increased sales by a whopping 324% by offering Ensure, anise flavored unwrapped hard candy, mincemeat, curiously adorable miniature bear statues, suspenders, daily pill separators, canned cat food, tennis balls, salve, bird seed, fabric, and large print crossword puzzle books at low price.

Albany reported similar numbers offering do rags, mole sauce, hilarious Calvin stickers of him peeing on assorted things that would be considered "left wing", and sleeveless camouflage shirts.

11/27/2014

Wal-mart takes out a loan to staff more than three of their available 48 check out lanes for Friday. Temporary workers needed to remove 3/8" of dust from check stands.

Lebanon man detained by police after allegedly chasing Tom the Turkey across town with an electric sawzall. The man, who...
11/26/2014

Lebanon man detained by police after allegedly chasing Tom the Turkey across town with an electric sawzall.

The man, whose name has not been released, told police that he was "driving down main street and the turkey jumped out in front of him." He claims that the turkey hissed at him and gave a "dirty suspicious look" in his direction.

The man said he "got out of his car to shoo the turkey." He claims the turkey tried to attack him, so he grabbed the first weapon he could find in his car.

Witness to the altercation, store owner Mary Bennett, has something else to say.

I sat down for a few words with Ms. Bennett.

Bennett claims the man shops at her store regularly. The man has been complaining that he spent all his SNAP benefits and he didn't have enough money for a Thanksgiving turkey.

Bennett remembers the man buying three cases of Red Bull for a Jagerbomb party he was bragging about.

Bennett said the man has been stalking the turkey the last few weeks.

"I would be heartbroken if poor Tom the Turkey was killed. He is a pleasure to have around Lebanon, everyone loves them turkeys." said Bennett

The People For A Turkey Free City organization declined to comment.

City counselor Bob Elliot discloses during a meeting that he has "No fear". I met with Mr. Elliot this morning. I questi...
11/20/2014
Lebanon visioning process underway

City counselor Bob Elliot discloses during a meeting that he has "No fear".

I met with Mr. Elliot this morning. I questioned him about his quote. He was wearing a Big Dogs No Fear shirt. How convenient.

He showed me a collection of pictures of him high atmosphere skydiving and Sylvester Stalone's signature on a copy of the "Cliffhanger" script in which Mr. Elliot was Stalone's stunt double.

Consultants from BDS Planning & Urban Design are working to develop a vision for the city of Lebanon for 2040.

Address

586 Santiam Hwy
Lebanon, OR
97355

Telephone

(541) 581-0549

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Family Assistance and Resource Center‎Family Assistance and Resource Center Group Page Liked · October 17 · A WARMER LEBANON FAC-FAMILY Assistance and Resource Center group is teaming up with HOPE Church for a purse and boots donation Drive. Previously loved purses and Boots that are donated will be filled with mittens, scarves, hats, hand and foot warmers, socks, Plus sample size hygiene products. Any donations are accepted by December 1st. Please PM me for drop-off details. Thank you for helping us have a warmer winter in Lebanon. http://www.hope.church/ Donations can be dropped off at 411 E st Lebanon. Mondays 10am-2pm, Wednesdays 4pm-7pm, and Fridays 10am to 2pm. Thank you!
Julia Carlson and Karen Wohlwend would love to see you on March 22nd in Corvallis at 6:30 PM!