12/15/2025
AIO - After 6 years Iām starting to get really irritated with my husbandās insecurities.
u/squishy_fossil says,
My husband (36) and myself (32) have been together for 6 years. His childhood was full of traumas, really horrible things. And his teens and early 20s were no better. So I understand completely why he is so insecure, doubtful and constantly overthinks every little thing. I knew all of this when we got married and still fully accept him and love him.
He takes meds for depression and ADHD which does help. Lately, heās been under more stress, as weāve had some financial issues so he has had to work more and pay for more things. Weāve discussed all this and know itās a temporary setback but I know it still puts a lot on him so I make sure I do whatever I can to make the rest of his day after work as less stressful as possible.
Over the last year, our intimacy has become less frequent. From 4-6 times a week to 2-3 times a week. Honestly, I feel like thatās normal. After 6 years of having the same kind of [spicy sleep], itās not as āexcitingā as it was. And heās not the type to try new things because Iāve mentioned it to him and he ādoesnāt know howā. I donāt love him LESS I just donāt feel that strong desire for [spicy sleep]. We have 3 kids too and our youngest just turned 1 so that plays a part as well.
My husband thinks I just donāt desire him anymore and he never stops talking about it lately. He overthinks everything, like I said above, so he just gets a thought and it spirals. No matter what I say I canāt convince him otherwise.
He thinks about it so much he gives himself nightmares. He said I only want intimacy after heās bought groceries, paid a bill, or did something useful around the house. That makes me feel like I shouldnāt initiate [spicy sleep] on the day heās done those things. But then when he does those things and I DONāt initiate, he complains that he did all these things for me and I showed no gratitude or affection.
He also waits until after 11 pm to start showing interest in intimacy even though Iāve told him Iām too tired by then so letās try earlier in the evening. But if Iām too tired or not feeling up to it, he says he understands and doesnāt want to ever force me to do anything if Iām not going to have a good time. So then why make me feel guilty for it?
And whenever I show him affection, he thinks Iām just leading him on when [spicy sleep] doesnāt happen. But when I donāt show lots of affection, he thinks Iām upset with him. I feel like no matter what I do or what the situation is, heās going to be extremely negative about it. Itās been giving me anxiety.
(Picture attached) Yesterday, I was driving around a lot after maybe getting 4 hrs of sleep, had to wait most of the day at the DMV with our 1 year old then rushed home to get the other kids off the bus in time. I then had some time to clean up the house and start dinner before my husband got home.
Obviously, I was tired but my husband had asked the previous night if we could set aside ātime for usā. So after the kids went to bed we watched a movie then went to the bedroom for āusā time. 45 minutes later, I suddenly felt like I needed to throw up and I think it was just because of how tired I was. I wanted to cry because I knew this was going to blow up into a whole thing about how I disgust him and etc. I had to stop and apologized profusely and said I was really embarrassed and he just rolled over and didnāt want to talk.
Today, I texted him and got a typical response. I love this man so so so much but I am getting extremely sick of his insecurities. Why would I feel like having [spicy sleep] if thereās the constant anxiety that Iām going to disappoint him?