05/28/2026
AITA for acting "too" friendly to my ex's wife? He cheated on me with her?
I used to be married to Jake, and he cheated on me with Melissa. We divorced over it and now he and she are married.
Jake and I have kids, a boy and a girl.
At the holidays, we agreed to have a family Christmas with Jake's family. He wanted me there for the kids sake, and I agreed, it would probably be good to have some normalcy.
Melissa would also be there, and I was determined to make stuff work out. I felt hurt by her, of course, but she's married to the father of my children, she is their stepmother, and civil co-parenting is what's best for the kids.
So at the event, I sat next to her at dinner and tried to make conversation, about her job (we work in the same field) her hobbies and travel, the kids, etc. I treated her just like I'd treat family or a friend.
Later when the kids were playing with her and Jake, I came by to join them for that. And it seemed like she was weirded out by something but I didn't know what was up, she's a kind of socially awkward person so I thought maybe she was just in a shy mood.
A month later, it was our son's birthday and he wanted to go to the zoo, he wanted both mommy and daddy and his sister there together. So we went, and Jake also brought Melissa.
I tried my best to be friendly again, asking her about her new job that I'd heard about from Jake, making small talk about the kids. I asked her for her number to be able to coordinate things involving the kids, sometimes she drops them off at mine rather than Jake.
After that, I sent her a couple messages, all about the kids. Asking things like "Did (son) leave his gloves in your car?" Or "I can't reach Jake, what time are y'all dropping off the kids at mine?"
I also sent her one text about a big thing that was happening in our career field. More as a heads up, than expecting a conversation.
And after all this, I had no real sign anything was off... Till Jake blew up at me for being "overbearing" with Melissa, trying to push a friendship when it apparently made her uncomfortable, "hovering" over her whenever we were in the same place.
He said that they wanted me to be civil but that it was "creepy" for me to have "made" Melissa give me her number, that I was hitting her up like we were friends, and that it was uncomfortable.
I feel so taken aback, Melissa never said anything like that to me.
I said that I'd like to talk to Melissa about this, and hear it from her.
He said no, she was blocking me, and she wanted me to back off if we're ever in the same place.
It seems crazy to me, I don't know how much of this is coming from him versus her. I feel like I was trying to make stuff chill for our kids sake but she is pushing me away.
AITA for trying apparently too hard to be friendly with my kids stepmom? My ex husband cheated on me with her which makes everything so much more awkward.