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Duke45, Los Angeles, CA (2026)

08/26/2026

trigger warning: US politics is tearing my family apart
a burrata, seared prosciutto, arugula, onion, cherry tomato salad with lemon vinaigrette and balsamic glaze from the carraba’s w**e dinner i attended a couple weeks ago because im so distraught i cant eat right now

last night, my step-dad was arrested after running a stop sign and is now being held by ice. we have limited information right now and we are falling apart under the pressure.

i want to tell everybody about my step-father and the kind of man he is.

my step-dad is an afro-brazilian immigrant who’s been present for more than half of my life. while i still have a good relationship with my bio-dad, i consider my step-father a bonus second dad. he is a hardworking, loving, caring, and doting family man that brightens up every room he’s in. through every phase, milestone, good and bad days, and hardship, he has always dropped everything to be there and support my family and i. a man who’s never cared about differences like politics, religious beliefs, and unshared experiences, he would give the shirt off his back for anyone who needs help, no questions asked. even when i became a young adult and constantly exercised my independence, he’d stay up until all hours of the late evening and early morning just to make sure i made it home safe. he would walk through the worst calamities if it meant he could be our father, husband, and a grandfather to my nieces and nephews.

my step-father is the pinnacle of a family man. the pinnacle of a community man. if you were hungry, he’d feed you for as long as you need. if you were homeless, he’d offer refuge in our home until you can get back on your feet. even during times when i wasn’t living at home and wasn’t speaking to my family, he always made sure to text me and remind me that if i needed him, he would drop everything to be there for me no questions asked. my step-dad is a beautiful example of what humanity can be, and i am so viscerally and deeply inspired by him, i’ve dedicated my life and all the effort in the world to be as compassionate, loving, and empathetic as he is.

as of right now, we don’t know what’s going to happen. my mom was able to speak with him a few times since he was picked up, and as far as we know, he’s not being mistreated. my heart aches every second with the primal fear that i won’t ever see him again. i regret every second that i haven’t spent with him and my family will be broken and torn apart if he can’t come home.

the brazilian community where we live has banded together and raised funds for my mom, and got her in touch with one of the best immigration lawyers in our city. i am so grateful for the village i never realized we had. i am so grateful for my step-dad.

i will never understand how anybody could hate other people so much, to tear apart families and ruin lives for the sake of white superiority is a disgusting and unforgivable act. because of my step-dad, i can’t bring myself to hate anybody but right now i am so angry and confused about the hatred that is so rampant in this country.

08/26/2026

I start HRT in one week
McDonalds breakfast

It's really kind of wild that I'm 30, and I'm just discovering I've been a woman my whole life. It still doesn't feel quite real, but I went through some stuff yesterday that made me quite aware that my egg is cracking still

I'm excited though! I'm excited for everything that womanhood will bring. Despite everything going on in the states, I'm feeling weirdly optimistic for my future; I know I can get through this process and thrive

08/26/2026

Nurse is trying to force PPD diagnosis on me
My lunch on my toddler's plate cause I had no other ones.

Which ironically gets to the issue. I have a nurse following up with me postpartum, comes to my place, great.

She asks me lots of questions, checks my mental health, fantastic.

Then she points to the messy apartment and says that's a sign of PPD. I tell her it's messy cause we are struggling to find time to clean since this is our second baby and we have no help, she still pushes it, claims if I'm not cleaning up then I must be depressed.

I try to explain no, I'm tired from lack of sleep cause my kids need me 24/7 right now? And yes my husband is helping, but we are stretched thin, it's one adult per kid right now, he's looking after our toddler (who is going through sleep regression and hates being awake cause of teething) and I'm handling our newborn, and her feeds, which are like every 2 hours if not more.

I'm sorry being 1 month post partum means I have a messy apartment??

So I got annoyed, started cleaning more, but it's hard to keep on top of. I'm literally starting at 5am to clean cause that's usually when both babies are asleep, my husband handles trash and cooking, I clean the kitchen and living room, playroom,

It doesn't matter, my toddler is a tornado so the moment she wakes up there's a huge mess made, husband cooked so kitchen is a bit messy in a way you have to wait to clean it (dirty pans, dirty stove top, etc, things that need to cool down before cleaning). Baby needs to be fed, toddler makes a mess of her playroom, nurse shows up,

Immediately again, "it's still dirty, I'm pushing for you to see a psychiatrist but she doesn't speak your language so I'll come to the appointments and translate for you, I've told her you have PPD."

I nearly snapped at her but politely brought up how most of the mess right now is cause of my husband, so why am I getting the blame for it??

She backed off a bit and said she'd 'give him a talking to', never did.

I get wanting to be on-top of mental health for postpartum folks, I do, but this felt so s*xist and targetted. She immediately assumed I'm the one who is supposed to clean everything, like wtf? Up until recently it was my husband's chore to clean everything, and also we are struggling to keep up with 2 kids I'm sorry, we have no help, we are on our own, I'm not depressed I'm just poor and can't afford a cleaner my gosh.

08/26/2026

Am now fwb with roommate, am I a dummy?
A little treat at the cafe - W**e, latte, Turkish delight.

Okay so, I'm 25 and I feel like I'm hitting my s*xual prime. Like I have levelled up. But my issue lately has been that the guys I meet from the apps are basically train wrecks. I'm putting it out there that I want a fwb, or safe but casual s*x, and they still can't clear the incredibly low bar I have placed on the floor for them.

Be clean, be nice, be at least able to have some conversation with me and make me laugh a little and hopefully I can do the same. That's basically it, that's all I'm looking for. But then I'll show up to somebodies apartment and it's literally disgusting, or I won't be able to finish a coffee date without the guy saying something unhinged (usually about politics).

It's been frustrating, and I was relaying that to my roommate who is a trans woman (this is relavent I promise). We were having a mutual vent fest and she was like, have you ever considered women? And I was like honestly yes I've just never gone there, maybe some repressed feelings, but also I'm just a big fan of... Having a p***s inside me, to be blunt. She was like have you ever considered a trans woman? And I was like 👀 and she was like 👀 and I was like are you saying what I think you're saying?? And she's like I wasn't, but I am now!

We gave it a shot and let me tell you, that shot did not miss. Best s*x I've had in the last like five years I think. She absolutely ate me up and came back for more. We've talked about it since and she's not looking for anything serious and neither am I, so the plan is just to check in with each other sometimes and see if we're both in the mood and have some fun. But we live together, is this a bad idea? Will I inevitably ruin the best roommate situation I've ever had? She's super clean, responsible, considerate as a roommate, never misses rent, is kind and funny. I do not want to f**k this up! Helpppppp

08/26/2026

Mom ruined my last few hours with husband in person
Dinner is pan fried Norwegian fish balls with baked beans 🫘

This story requires context that would be way too long to share here. Long story short, she was not a good mom and we haven't spoken in about four years. My brother hasn't spoken to her either. And she blames me for that. We're both adults and my brother has his own issues with her, but her treatment of me seemed to be the final straw for him.

Onto more recent times: me and my husband are long distance, she has never met him but she knows I'm married. Somehow she knew the date I was supposed to go home. I got an email from her 3 hours before my flight (She is blocked everywhere else). I have no idea how she knew, but this is typical of her.

The last phone call I had with her was right after my cat died. She accused me of having a thing for my stepsdad and trying to steal him. He is a cheater, she's right about that. She has caught him before, but why would I want someone view like a Dad? I guess at the very least that explains why he stopped talking to me.

Anyway, her email was something along the lines of "Hi, how are you guys doing? Are you in the United States or Norway now? Love Mom" I know it's stupid , but I got so angry. Why did my last few hours with him have to be ruined by an email that doesn't even sound bad? I've never been able to handle people that just pretend everything is fine when it isn't. I guess it just goes to show she doesn't really know me, she never did.

I wrote up a response while on my flight, basically saying she has given up the right to know how we are doing a long time ago, and to leave me alone. Now I'm wondering if it's even worth responding at all? I'm free of her bu****it, but I'm really sick of her popping back up at random (or not so random times).

08/25/2026

Breakfast Tostadas
This was a breakfast I threw together with some ingredients I had leftover from the work week.

The corn tortillas were shallow fried in a little bit of oil, and once drained I put some shredded Monterey Jack on top to melt slightly before placing the egg on top. The eggs were fried sunny side up and the oil splashed on top to cook it faster. I sautéed some leftover carne asada from the weekend and placed that next to the eggs. I sliced up some avocado and layered that to the side, topped the rest of it with homemade salsa verde (I used calabacitas and jalapeños in lieu of tomatillos since that’s all I had) and cotija cheese. Garnished with parsley leaves because I was out of cilantro, otherwise I would’ve used that.

Turned out beautifully all in basically under 20 minutes, not too bad! Came out delicious too!

08/25/2026

Howdy Americavros!!!!! 👋👋 I'm trying to cook yankistyle to attract some cowboy p***y am I doing this correct???

08/25/2026

Finally bought multiple premium subscriptions on p**n sites. Watched all the free stuff and needed more. Homemade french fries.
definetly not gonna help with my p**n addiction but it was worth it in the heat of the moment and now i have a month of it so might as well make "good" use of it

08/25/2026

i’m having an awesome time, currently hanging out with my friends, f**k you guys (friend took picture btw, f**k you). chicken nugget and mayo sandwich with mayo salad, f**k you btw.

08/25/2026

Can’t quit gooning, maybe destined to be a chud forever. platter from indian restraunt.
Probably should see a professional for depression and other mental issues

Duke45

08/26/2026

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