Macumb Breaking News

Macumb Breaking News A Parody news page focusing on content that occurs in Macomb Michigan. It's the Onion, but local. So please like follow and share here on our new page.
(1)

Macumb County Scanner is a Parody / Satire Breaking News Media Platform. We provide all information by listening to our local scanner in Macomb County Michigan. Previously, the Macomb Daily Page deleted after 20,000 subscribers. And you can still support us on Macumbdaily.com

Macomb County officials are moving forward with plans for a Hall Road Holiday Lightfest, a new drive-through lighting ro...
11/19/2025

Macomb County officials are moving forward with plans for a Hall Road Holiday Lightfest, a new drive-through lighting route stretching from Lakeside Mall to Sterling Heights’ infamous Golden Bu****le, giving the county its first large-scale holiday attraction to rival Wayne County’s Lightfest; early talks with local cities and Hall Road businesses have been “positive,” with organizers saying the goal is to create a safe, family-friendly, traffic-managed display that ends with a coordinated lighting of the Golden Bu****le itself—a decision officials insist is meant to “embrace local culture, not controversy.” One resident joked, “If we’re lighting up Hall Road anyway, we might as well give the Bu****le its moment to shine.” County leaders expect to finalize the route, sponsorships, and safety measures before announcing an official kickoff later this fall.

A Chesterfield woman is sparking family drama after announcing she will be charging a $10 cover fee for anyone entering ...
11/18/2025

A Chesterfield woman is sparking family drama after announcing she will be charging a $10 cover fee for anyone entering her home on Thanksgiving, claiming the cost of hosting “isn’t charity work” and that her relatives “eat like it’s their last meal on earth”; she plans to post a door sign reading “Cash Only — No Refunds — No Re-Entry,” and family members say she’s already advertising “VIP seating” near the dining room table for $25 and a $15 “fast-pass” to skip the line for dessert, with one uncle complaining that “this isn’t Disney World, it’s turkey,” and a cousin insisting the fee is unfair because “all we do is show up, eat everything, and leave,” while the hostess says she’s done with people arriving empty-handed and leaving with full Tupperware, announcing that kids under 5 are free but anyone bringing a store-bought dish will be charged double at the door.

A Macomb Township man was hospitalized Monday after claiming he slipped on a wet bathroom floor while decorating for Chr...
11/15/2025

A Macomb Township man was hospitalized Monday after claiming he slipped on a wet bathroom floor while decorating for Christmas and fell backward onto a 14-inch LED ceramic tree while Christmas music played in the background; however, doctors noted the object’s placement was “not entirely consistent with a simple fall,” though declined further comment due to privacy laws. The tree—removed surgically with all lights intact—presented one complication: the ceramic star topper had lodged so deeply and so cleanly that surgeons determined it could not be removed safely, ultimately choosing to leave it “as a medical reminder of the incident,” according to a hospital source. The case joins a growing list of unusual December injuries Metro Detroit ERs quietly expect each year, with staff routinely extracting everything from miniature trees and decorative bulbs to HoneyBaked hams, candy canes, loose jingle bells, and even an Elf on the Shelf (shelf included). As holiday decorating ramps up, physicians are urging the public to slow down, fully dry off, and stay mindful, reminding residents to “keep festive items in front of you—not behind you—so everyone can enjoy the season without needing anything removed or left behind.”

The Detroit Lions announced Thursday that Eminem and country legend Reba McEntire will headline the team’s 2025 Thanksgi...
11/13/2025

The Detroit Lions announced Thursday that Eminem and country legend Reba McEntire will headline the team’s 2025 Thanksgiving halftime show, creating one of the most unexpected—and instantly talked-about—pairings in the event’s history. The Lions, who host the Green Bay Packers at Ford Field on November 27, confirmed the two artists have been quietly rehearsing a joint set that blends their most recognizable songs, including what insiders describe as a “surprisingly smooth” version of Lose Yourself with McEntire handling parts of the hook. Sources also say Eminem is slated to jump in on a verse during Fancy, a detail that has already sent Michigan fans into a mixture of curiosity, disbelief, and cautious excitement. Team officials aren’t revealing much else, but hinted at “a few Detroit-specific surprises” planned for the broadcast. Reaction across the region has been immediate, with one Macomb fan saying, “I wasn’t sure what to think at first, but now I can’t stop trying to imagine Reba singing over a Shady beat.” For a franchise known for Thanksgiving unpredictability, the Lions may have found a halftime show to match.

MOUNT CLEMENS — What began as an ordinary Wednesday evening in downtown Mount Clemens took a wild turn when a roaming gr...
11/13/2025

MOUNT CLEMENS — What began as an ordinary Wednesday evening in downtown Mount Clemens took a wild turn when a roaming group calling themselves The Carnival of Carolers arrived unannounced, performing Victorian‑style carols infused with lyrics from Insane Clown Posse hits as they visited neighborhoods and door‑to‑door stops. Dressed in top hats, long coats and hatchetman pins, they harmonized classic Christmas tunes like Silent Night and Jingle Bells, then seamlessly blended in choruses referencing Faygo soda and Juggalo culture. “I thought it was just a normal choir,” said local resident Linda Meyer. “Then they started rapping about Faygo and miracles over Jingle Bells — and I couldn’t stop laughing.” The carolers reportedly traveled across downtown hotspots, handing out bottles of Faygo and spreading “wicked holiday cheer” as they went. City officials confirmed the performance was unscheduled but described the spectacle as “unexpectedly festive.” As they moved on, they left behind sparkling confetti, empty Faygo bottles, and the unmistakable scent of grape soda in the crisp night air.

CLINTON TOWNSHIP — A new conspiracy theory is sweeping Macomb County as local man Greg Harmon insists he’s uncovered Det...
11/12/2025

CLINTON TOWNSHIP — A new conspiracy theory is sweeping Macomb County as local man Greg Harmon insists he’s uncovered Detroit’s deepest secret: Mojo in the Morning and Fox 2 anchor Jay Towers are actually the same person. “I’ve been watching them for months,” Harmon said, pointing to side-by-side photos and clips. “The laughs, the head tilts, the tie patterns—it’s identical. I’m not sure if Jay Towers is Mojo or if Mojo is Jay Towers, these are the things that keep me up at night.” Harmon claims sightings across Macomb County—Mojo-Towers seen at the Clinton Township Kroger early in the morning and broadcasting on the radio later the same day—prove a double life, while Roseville resident Mark Jenkins added, “MOJO-TOWERS IS AI, HE'S NOT REAL!” Online threads have exploded with comparisons and screenshots, but Harmon insists the mainstream won’t tell the truth: Detroit hasn’t just been running news and radio, it’s been running on one man’s face, one man’s voice, and possibly a secret AI all along.

After months of residents reporting strong, mysterious odors drifting through Warren and Roseville—and a wave of complai...
11/11/2025

After months of residents reporting strong, mysterious odors drifting through Warren and Roseville—and a wave of complaints about south Clinton Township—the Macomb County Board voted unanimously this week to install large outdoor air fresheners along major roads, saying it’s time residents could finally breathe freely; no one knows where the smells originate, and neighbors have spent years pointing fingers, but officials insist it’s 2025 and Macomb County deserves fresh air, with units spraying rotating “Fresh Breeze,” “Citrus Grove,” and “Morning Dew” scents to combat the problem, while one Clinton Township resident admitted, “We always blamed each other for passing gas,” Shelby Township resident Peg said, “Every time I drive down Gratiot or Groesbeck I always smell a family of skunks,” and another local added, “When driving through south Clinton Township, I asked my wife if she crapped the car,” calling the new scents “the first upgrade those roads have had in years,” with county officials noting that the air fresheners are non-toxic and promising that new scents like “Cool Water” and “Vanilla Cheesecake” will be added in the coming months.

STERLING HEIGHTS — Residents wasted no time enjoying the area’s first significant snowfall of the season, building a sma...
11/10/2025

STERLING HEIGHTS — Residents wasted no time enjoying the area’s first significant snowfall of the season, building a small neighborhood sledding hill that has quickly become a popular spot for families. Children and adults alike have been taking turns sliding down the steep, bumpy slope, laughing and cheering as they navigate the hill. Locals have already given the hill a playful nickname: the “Golden Bu****le Rim Rider.” One parent, laughing as her kids zoomed past, said, “It’s wild—every time you hit that bump at the bottom, it feels like you’re sledding right through a bu****le, and somehow everyone comes out screaming and laughing.” Neighbors say the hill has become a gathering spot for families looking to make the most of the snow while it lasts.

Macomb Mall has announced plans for a major landmark addition: Michigan’s first fully rotating Texas Roadhouse, set to b...
11/09/2025

Macomb Mall has announced plans for a major landmark addition: Michigan’s first fully rotating Texas Roadhouse, set to be built on top of the mall’s iconic sign and designed to slowly turn a full 360 degrees, offering diners panoramic views of Gratiot Avenue and the surrounding community. The restaurant, scheduled to open in 2027, will feature a glass elevator that carries guests directly to the top of the structure and will accommodate up to 250 people at a time. Its design is inspired by Detroit’s original rotating restaurant, The Summit at the Renaissance Center. Reservations for the Macomb Mall location have already been booked solid for the first eight months, a move mall officials say represents a bold step toward redefining the area’s skyline and bringing a signature destination dining experience to Macomb County.

A 12-year-old Macomb County entrepreneur named Sam is shaking up the neighborhood snow-removal game with what he calls “...
11/09/2025

A 12-year-old Macomb County entrepreneur named Sam is shaking up the neighborhood snow-removal game with what he calls “luxury-level service,” charging at least $450 per driveway as he works toward buying a Ferrari, making clients sign a liability waiver in case he gets hurt and enforcing a $2,400 cancellation fee “to protect the business,” while also adding $100 if customers want salt on hand and another $50 if they want him to actually spread it; Sam says part of his fees go toward his “401k, gas, and operational costs,” including the fact that his mom currently has to drive him from house to house, and despite community outrage he claims demand is strong, telling potential customers he only accepts inquiries by “direct voicemail” because he “won’t answer the phone for anything less than $450,” and ending with a statement that perfectly sums up his confidence: “If you live north of Hall Rd, I know you got the cash.”

A local reseller in Macomb County, Michigan, is turning Starbucks’ rare Bearista cups into miniature ICP Juggalos, paint...
11/08/2025

A local reseller in Macomb County, Michigan, is turning Starbucks’ rare Bearista cups into miniature ICP Juggalos, painting them with face paint, outfitting them in Hatchet Man beanies, and adding the signature Hatchet Man logo. Collectors say doing it right can boost a cup’s value by as much as 600 percent, and some of the painted bears are currently listed on StockX and eBay for over $4,500. “If you do it right, this could actually resell for a few Whoop Whoops on the Juggalo Black Market, if you know what I mean,” said one Juggalo familiar with the craze. “This is all my kid wants for a Roseville Christmas, and it’s more than a Supreme sweatshirt,” said local mom Angela Frosst. Starbucks has not commented, but fans and collectors across the East Side are buzzing online, debating which bear is “most true to the Juggalo spirit.”

A woman transplanted from New York’s Central Park was arrested Wednesday in Sterling Heights after repeatedly feeding a ...
11/08/2025

A woman transplanted from New York’s Central Park was arrested Wednesday in Sterling Heights after repeatedly feeding a large flock of pigeons near Dodge Park, an activity authorities say disrupted foot traffic and drew complaints from locals. Known to many as the “Dodge Park Pigeon Lady,” she has reportedly been panhandling in the area for months, and residents say her only true companion is a stray she calls “Spaghetti Man.” Witnesses described the birds swarming sidewalks and startling pedestrians. “I didn’t think it would get this out of hand,” said resident Karen Michaels. Police cited her for public nuisance and feeding wildlife without a permit, while the incident has sparked both amusement and debate about how to balance wildlife care with public safety.

Address

Macomb Township, MI

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Macumb Breaking News posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category