06/07/2026
Dear Diary,
A shocking act of organized crime has occurred within the territory.
This morning, I discovered evidence of what appears to be a coordinated break-in involving a large bag of premium nuts and seed blends.
The bag had been left unattended on the front porch by Kevin.
This was his first mistake.
At some point during the night, one or more suspects gained access to the bag and helped themselves to the contents.
The evidence was impossible to ignore.
A torn opening.
Seeds scattered across the ground.
No signs of remorse.
Frankly, it was amateur hour.
I immediately began reviewing the list of known offenders.
Wally was the obvious first suspect.
He possesses neither the judgment nor impulse control necessary to resist an opportunity of this magnitude.
Bianca likely served in an advisory capacity.
Doug almost certainly knew about the operation beforehand.
Whether he participated remains unclear.
At this time, I cannot rule out the possibility that Rocco was involved.
The presence of hands continues to make him highly suspicious.
Kevin, meanwhile, appeared genuinely surprised by the incident.
This raises serious questions regarding his understanding of criminal behavior within the territory.
As I have stated repeatedly, these individuals are not simply "cute backyard animals."
They are organized.
They are opportunistic.
And apparently they are now capable of breaking into food bags.
I have recommended increased security measures.
Unfortunately, Kevin has ignored all of my previous recommendations.
I will continue monitoring the situation.
The suspects remain at large.
— Sass 🐾
