Dads2Dads

06/12/2024

On this and every Memorial Day I think of my high school classmate Tommy Thomas, who perished in Vietnam. Tommy was a quiet and gentle man of peace … and a helluva basketball player. How ironic that he was drafted into a war that wasted so many young lives. But Tommy answered the call out of duty to his country. I salute Tommy. He was a better man than most. And a fine friend.

01/14/2021

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Grit and Grace: Black Fathers Tell Their Stories

10/28/2017

Courage
We dads strive to teach our sons and daughters to be honest, to have the courage to express their beliefs even when those beliefs run counter to what’s popular or trendy. Dad, you want your son to take a stand when he sees a bully in action. You hope your daughter will speak up if she hears someone tell a lie or calls someone a degrading name. Don’t we all want our children to be models of integrity and courage—even when we know the cost may be high?

A teachable moment
Most teenagers may not be particularly interested in politics. They have a lot more urgent matters to consider. However, when we see examples of real courage, whether in government or anywhere else, we ought to consider it a positive quality. As in the case of our outspoken Republican senators, we have the right to agree or disagree with their position. The fact, however, that they put themselves, their families and their political careers in jeopardy by standing up and speaking out has to be considered admirable. It’s a quality of character worth teaching.

08/14/2017

Morals, Values and Ethics

These are unsettled times. Everywhere you turn people are shaking their heads at the new wave of incivility that has infected our society.

Some attribute the current social high temperature to the rancor of political discourse. Others point to a lack of positive role models. Still others link bad behavior to the pervasiveness of crime linked to poverty, racism and drugs.

We believe all those things are symptoms of a much larger social ill—the near collapse of the family unit and the breakdown of adult mentoring. We mean teaching our children how to conduct themselves as civilized and respectable human beings—re-introducing Morals, Values and Ethics. What’s on your mind?

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05/31/2017

Gifts we should give … and live

We need to teach our kids to care for one another. We can do that best by illustrating it in our own lives. Here are some things you can do and also teach to your teens.

Be kind. It takes little effort and it reaps great rewards. Look for a kind response in return. It will benefit you and those you encounter, and it will have an impact on your child.

Be understanding. When that person in front of you is driving too slowly or your child doesn’t perform to his usual level, try to be empathetic. Teach your child that when her friend doesn’t come through or a classmate messes up, there may be something going on.

Be dependable. Help your child feel comfortable with how you will respond. Consistency breeds security and is important in raising balanced children.

Be supportive. Let your child know how proud you are of her. Give him the support he needs. Be a cheerleader.

Be grateful. Write a thank-you note or say it in person. Gratitude helps develop a happy view of life.

Be attentive. Listen to your child. Then ask questions. Probe anything that seems out of the ordinary.

Be generous with your time and talents.

Be welcoming. Look upon others with interest and respect. Not everyone is like you. Appreciating differences between people expands our understanding and increases our learning.

05/29/2017

How do we clarify our values?

Think about what the principles of your life are, your core beliefs, your virtues. What do you stand for—against?

Brian Tracy, author and personal success authority, says you should write down your five most important values. Second, organize your values in order of their importance. It is only when you are clear about what you value, and in what order, that you are capable of planning and organizing the other activities of your life. Do your current choices reflect this order of values?

Accepting differences

Remember, as much as we want our kids to reflect our values, we need to accept that they are intelligent, thoughtful beings and have the capacity for developing their own beliefs. Teens who possess their own values as a result of serious thought and introspection, built on a solid home foundation, should be respected for the care and initiative they have assumed in developing their own set of beliefs.

05/26/2017

Making it personal

It is important for parents to identify their own values and be clear on what is important to them and why. Then they can illustrate those values to their kids by stating expectations and teaching life lessons. Family discussions help to reinforce the concept in the teen’s mind, provide room for questioning, and assist teens in identifying their own values.

05/24/2017

Values

Teens have certain personal beliefs, often learned from parents, which form the core of who they are. They may not think about them often, but deep down they hold beliefs that impact their view of the world and how they interact with it. Knowing your values helps you to determine when to intercede when you see your child moving in a way that is contrary to a value you want them to have.

For example, your son comes home from school and tells you his friend next to him in class got caught copying answers off your son’s exam. The teacher tore up his friend’s exam and gave him an F. Later, your son admitted that he was complicit in the cheating by purposely sharing his answers with his buddy. Your son got away with it, while his friend took the fall. What should your son do? How would you advise him?

05/22/2017

What kids teach dad
Truth be known, his daughters only wanted their dad to listen, to offer an understanding or sympathetic ear. They shared their problems with him—not looking for him to fix anything—but only to be an impartial and nonjudgmental sounding board. That’s what we heard from many fathers. “What was one major lesson your children taught you?” It could have been a choral response—To Listen. Obviously, dad, you grew them toward maturity. They wanted to handle the situation and try to make repairs on their own.

05/21/2017

Who They Are, Not What They Have

We have been thinking about values lately - what values are and how to pass on good ones to your kids.

Teens are a possessive bunch. They love to purchase, own, and collect. They salivate over the newest tech device, the latest style, the trendiest trend. They don’t spend a lot of time discussing values.

So how do we make sure they grow into successful adults with good strong values? How do we teach them that life is about the kind of people they are and not what they own?

05/19/2017

A cereal killer
The irony is rich! More times than not, Tom’s daughters did not want Super-repairman. Tom, quite literally and often figuratively, couldn’t fix anything. He would try of course, only to be forced to call a real Mr. Fix-it or seek help from his wife. How can his daughters forget when their father put his foot through the living room ceiling, one that was covered with popcorn-textured plaster? Instantly, Tom concocted a mixture of paste and Grape Nuts and thought he could mask the hole beyond detection. It was one of his creative masterpieces that snapped, crackled and flopped—to metaphorically mix cereal brands. This was a dad who hailed himself as The Great Fixer.

05/18/2017

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