09/10/2026
AM I WRONG for refusing to drive 4 hours to my dad’s birthday party?
I recently moved back to Orlando, FL after 4½ years in Japan. My wife and 3-year-old son returned about a month before me because we were expecting our second child. Between moving-company pack-outs, administrative work at Camp Lejeune, and separating from active duty, I barely made it home with a two-week buffer before our second son was born.
My dad’s birthday was coming up, and my half-sister was planning a surprise party. When my wife first told me about it, I said, “Sure, we’ll go.” I assumed it was somewhere around Orlando, where my dad lives.
I later found out it was in Ocala, about a 2-hour drive each way from where we were staying in Poinciana/Kissimmee. That’s when I told my wife I didn’t want to go.
We’re currently in a pretty difficult transition. I’m between jobs while transitioning from active duty to the Reserves. Money is tight, we don’t currently have our own car, and most of our household goods are still in transit from Japan. Part of our shipment is sitting in California, and we’re still missing roughly ¾ of our first shipment.
Our second son was also only about 1½ weeks old. My wife and I had agreed we didn’t want to take our newborn around a large group of people so soon after his birth, outside of immediate family we’re already around.
My biggest issue was the location. My dad lives in Orlando, my other half-sister lives in Davenport, and most of the guests are in the greater Orlando area. The sister planning it lives in Ocala, so I understand why she chose it, but the party wasn’t even at a venue—it was at her friend’s house.
I basically told my wife I didn’t want to drive four hours round trip with a newborn and a toddler just to sit on someone else’s couch.
The financial situation is also pretty serious. While my sister was trying to get ahold of us the day before the party, I was actually at a medical office getting checked so I could donate plasma for some extra cash to buy diapers and formula.
My sister eventually got ahold of my wife and apparently unloaded on her, saying I “never call,” “never come around,” and that with my late sister gone, she thought I’d be more inclined to spend time with my other sisters.
My wife explained that we’re dealing with an international move, a newborn, another young child, unemployment, missing belongings, and a difficult transition out of the military. My sister dismissed that by comparing it to her own upcoming move, despite her still having a job, car, etc.
I understand she may genuinely feel like I don’t make enough effort to maintain our relationship, and I’m willing to acknowledge that I could probably do better.
But I don’t feel like declining a four-hour round trip to a friend’s house, with a newborn, while we’re financially struggling and still recovering from an international move, makes me an as***le.
