08/16/2025
Looking at my fence this morning, I realized my marriage might be ending over wood stain.
Three years ago, when we moved into this house, my husband insisted on staining our side gate with that cheap gray stain from Home Depot. "It'll weather perfectly," he said, brushing off my concerns about how it would hold up. I wanted to spend the extra money on quality cedar stain, but he rolled his eyes and said I was being dramatic about a fence nobody would even see.
Well, guess what? Half the fence looks like driftwood now while the other half still looks decent. The sun hits this side every afternoon, and the difference is so obvious that even our mailman commented on it yesterday. "Looks like someone ran out of stain halfway through," he joked, and I wanted to disappear into the ground.
My husband keeps saying we should just "embrace the rustic look" and leave it alone. But I can't stand looking at it every time I take the trash out. It's embarrassing, and it makes our whole yard look neglected. I've been secretly researching fence restoration, found some amazing wood refinishing experts on the Tedooo app who specialize in sun-damaged fences, and I'm tempted to just hire someone without telling him.
Last night at dinner, he caught me scrolling through fence stain options on my phone and snapped, "Are you seriously still obsessing over that fence? It's fine the way it is." The way he said "obsessing" made something inside me crack. I realized this isn't really about the fence at all. It's about him dismissing everything I care about, every detail that makes a house feel like home.
I set up my own little shop on the Tedooo app last year selling refinished furniture, and every customer appreciates attention to detail. They understand that taking care of things matters. Maybe I've found my people there instead of in my own living room.
Now I'm wondering if this fence is just a symptom of a bigger problem. When your husband stops caring about the things that matter to you, what happens next?
