Steph Attachment Specialist

Steph Attachment Specialist Let's talk relationships, trauma & self growth | Join The Attachment AcademyšŸ¤

09/27/2026

The ability for an infant to survive is DIRECTLY dependent on the parent tending to the childā€™s emotional and physical needs. Infants NEED parents to care when they are afraid, in pain/distress, experiencing discomfort from hunger and thirst, want a bid for connection, need to be regulated + soothed and so so much more. With emotionally inaccessible parents, children learn to subvert their emotional needs in order to at least get their physical needs met. However, once a child becomes an adult, they can then tend to their own physical needs and have greater access to othersā€™ emotional support. In this way, if the adult child is not getting their emotional needs supported by their parents, nor their physical needs, they can still survive and even expand their emotional wellness through estrangement, no contact, and low contact. SO! Because this bond becomes optional in adulthood, it is a very big deal for adult children to ask for their parents to attend family therapy with them.

09/27/2026

Okay but have you heard of neuroception? Would you be okay if we gave yours a quick reboot? šŸ˜‚In short, neuroception is the ability to recognize threats to our safety. We all have neuroception, even babies have it! The issue becomes when the person who is supposed to make us feel safe either is the threat to our system, or repeatedly allows threats to befall us. That is when our neuroception stops working to protect us and then we start to seek the very things that hurt us because that is the new ā€œsafe.ā€ (Its not safe, its just familiar and we often code ā€œfamiliarā€ as safe).

09/24/2026

Replying to In The Attachment Academy, I help burnt out pursuers stop abandoning themselves.Because hereā€™s the truth:If youā€™re constantly chasing love, reassurance, or connection, youā€™re probably not just anxious ā€” youā€™re abandoning yourself.The cycle of overfunctioning, overcommunicating, and overexplaining is exhausting and it disconnects you from you.In The Attachment Academy, I help you turn that energy inward to meet your own needs, reclaim your self-worth, and learn secure connection without self-erasure.Only $25/month, less than one co-pay. Linkā€™s in the profile ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹

09/24/2026

Replying to i think this comment is brilliant bc it highlights both the ā€œadvantagesā€ of apparent competence (which is, whether intentionally or not, fooling ppl into thinking youre fine) and also the cost ā€” feeling like you dont know how to touch your own feelings w/ a 10 ft pollKey take aways:šŸ”¹ apparent competence (comes from ) is a term to describe ppl who LOOK like they have their ish together but their feelings are highly disorganized šŸ”¹ ppl who use apparent competence are usually actually v and even resentful to ppl close in their life for not noticing their pain šŸ”¹ another cost of apparent competence is you donā€™t learn how to identify or organize your own , so you may feel things that you donā€™t understand šŸ”¹ this leads to something called empathic blocks. Which is a block in connecting emotionally w/ someone

09/23/2026

Replying to willow I gotta say Iā€™m so proud of you that you have been doing the hard and also freeing work of connecting to your authentic truth which is that your needs are valid and they are also what makes you human ā€” you are not too much for having them.I feel like to be a woman is to be brainwashed into the belief that you are too much, that you take up too much space, that you are too loud, that you need to make yourself smaller prettier, quieter, calmer, more contained more restricted ā€” we do it with our bodies, we do it with our food, We do it with our mood (only showing happiness) and most importantly we do it with our needs. This is a long-term process of disconnecting from self and our authenticity, and it is driven by shame. And people depend on this ā€” people benefit from women disconnecting from themselves and what they need. Of course, this process isnā€™t entirely gender specific, but what really moves me is that healing from this particular wound type is a process up coming home to self. And I just think that is so beautiful and if the relationship is to work, it gives the other partner more of you to fall in love with, more of you to actually actively choose and fight for, and if you lose them, then it was a process of finding you. If this is something you want help with, check out how to join The Attachment Academy by visiting the link in my profile.

09/23/2026

emotionally immature parents were often emotionally, neglected children. They became young adults who had children of their own without any blueprint for how to meet the full extent of their needs for their children. In my work with parents, I help them connect to the unmet needs within themselves so that they can empower themselves and thus have a greater capacity to show up for their adult children and hold space for their childrenā€™s unmet emotional needs and show up in the the ways that they needed their parents to do for them. The parents that I work with who show up and do the work and embrace the state of vulnerability and healing, protect their children from either having to be a cycle breaker or from living out their adulthood without a reliable and true connection to a parent. I am so proud of the parents that I work with and on a daily basis, they show me the power of how transformational repairs can be. For the adult children reading this who know that their parents would never be a part of this process. Please use this video to reaffirm YOUR reality and your truth, and know that your pain and unmet needs were and continue to be real and valid and remain worthy of advocating for whether your parents are in the picture or not. You may have a blueprint of self neglect as part of being emotionally neglected yourself when you were a child and that was unavoidable, AND, as an adult, you do gain access to the self capacity to update this blueprint, you just may need a little support in that process. Whether you are interested in learning how to repair, or how to update your attachment blueprint so that you can finally reach a level of peace with yourself that you have long wanted but never held, check the šŸ”— in my profile to explore how you can be supported in this process ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹

Sometimes the relationship habits that get praised the most are the ones that leave us feeling disconnected from ourselv...
09/22/2026

Sometimes the relationship habits that get praised the most are the ones that leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves.

Being understanding. Being accommodating. Being the one who keeps everything together.

These things aren't inherently unhealthy. But when they come at the expense of your own needs, they can become a form of self-abandonment.

Over time, self-abandonment can create relationships that look connected on the outside while feeling lonely on the inside.

Secure relationships aren't built by becoming less of yourself. They're built by bringing more of your authentic self into the connection.

Jimmy and I recently had a conversation about what it takes to build that kind of security without losing yourself along the way. If you're curious, the replay is available through the link in my profile.

What part of yourself do you find hardest to bring into relationships?

09/19/2026

Replying to itā€™s tough stuff donā€™t get me wrong. And, I can almost guarantee that when you do it, you get 5,000 points toward # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

09/19/2026

For some folks, our work consists of helping them actually listen and act on the ā€œvoiceā€ inside them that says, ā€œrun! He/she/they are not safe!ā€ And for other folks, I sort of need to take a roundabout backdoor/off the beaten path approach bc that voice is silent or has been silenced. And this is all a part of the healing process when youre treating relational trauma (aka trauma that has occured within or from a relationship).

09/17/2026

Replying to Cartmill the time has come! I have an answer for yaā€™ll šŸ¤£ here are my 3 clinical observations about working with Gen X ā˜•ļø

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