05/02/2025
It seems like a fair match until you realize water is playing 4D chess. The gorilla has impressive strength and opposable thumbs, sure. But let’s break this down scientifically:
The average adult gorilla is already 60% water. So before the fight even starts, water has infiltrated the enemy camp. It’s literally controlling most of the gorilla’s muscle movements from the inside. If water slept, I’d say it’s something like a sleeper agent.
If the 100 gallons comes at the gorilla all at once as a wave, that’s 834 pounds of liquid momentum. Gorilla gets knocked down, sure, but probably survives. However, water is patient.
Water just needs to wait. Gorilla will eventually get thirsty and drink some of its opponent. Game over. Water enters the gorilla’s system and simply joins forces with the 60% that was already there. Classic divide and conquer.
The gorilla never stood a chance. Water has been perfecting its strategy for 3.8 billion years. The gorilla species has been around for what, 10 million? Water literally shaped the evolution of the gorilla just to give it a false sense of security before this very match.
TL;DR: Water wins. Water always wins.
