06/14/2021
If not now, when?
Those are the words that echoed in my dreams.
It was 3:30am and my sleep was interrupted with this burning question. If not now, when?
If you've experience not doing something you know you were supposed to, this story might reasonate with you, and perhaps inspire you to take action on something you've been wanting to do, that you haven't done, for whatever reason, and its been aching in your mind that you haven't done it yet.
In the past year, I experienced many things in different areas in my life.
I swam across the Hudson.
I started a online group fitness class.
I trained virtually using zoom both in fitness and in swimming.
I even started a live in person group fitness workshop, twice! and even created a private membership site to go with it.
All I wanted to do was be happy, coach my clients, and thrive.
But with everything I did came the responsibilities of doing things I didn't feel comfortable with like: going on camera, facing the Hudson river ferries, and even shutting down some of the things I started because I couldn't fill all the roles properly required at the same time.
That didn't stop me. What it did was create an understanding of what I've done, what I could have done better, and what I'm going to do now.
This year was all about learning and growing, in the burning truth, that creates the unbearable-bearable sensation in my gut that can fully immobilize and mobilize me at the same time.
I wish that some things felt different than how they do because going through those experiences are challenging. Its been hard getting hit hard with reality truths that hurt!
I decided to go through my own online personal training journey of transformation. One which requires me to step ouf of my shell and post this message because I've been writing and writing and practicing and not posting what is inside of me.
I've been chickening out to share what I have for every reason I can think of: Fear, insecurity, self-dobut.
Its been painful to get out of this stupid shell I trapped myself in.
I've recorded myself countless times practicing what I write and didn't share it with anybody cause I was afraid of what could happen if I did.
I've written about the bloody, gory, twisted messes in my life that I've been tackling this year with my business, my relationships, my life and these things remained trapped inside me where I could have shared it with you. Which is why this writing and posting is necessary.
In order to be me, I have to post this so that I can finally begin that transformation away from the black hole that's been sucking the life out of me.
Its not easy to write this and post it where somebody can criticize me, judge me, or attack me.
Where the battle of me that wants to stay hidden, locked in my room, afraid of my shadow is won.
I want out! I want to be free and in order to do this, I have to write this thing and let it out where anyone can find it and talk all the stuff they want...and this is when I have to be ok with it! Don't get me wrong, if somebody disrespects me, I'm going to respond accordingly because I'm not that guy that accepts unfair and disrespect in any way. I don't tolerate that because I have for a long effin time because I was afraid of the consequences of speaking and acting out against those that did things that were straight up wrong!
I get furious when I know what I have to do and I don't do it! So going back to if not now, when?
Its when I decided to say yes and do the thing that I know I'm supposed to. Its when the moment comes and I decide to be me. Its when the time comes to make the right effin choice where I go into allowing myself to be true to who I am.
Its when I decided I'm ok with being who I am. I'm ok if I don't fall under the shiny standards that others have about who I should be. I'm ok if I mess up and try again and if I succeed and thrive.
I'm going to be me, all of me, every little effin inch of me because who I am is pretty effin cool and has done some amazing things because I said YES to the moment which resulted in some cool stuff happening.
I'm ok if people don't believe me, or if they think I'm full of talk, or I don't walk the walk. Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen!
Yeah, I've made mistakes in my life. I've made plenty of them but today I get to be who I want to be and be ok with it!
I am what I am as it is said, not what they, them, anyone else says or thinks!
That's the truth! The m**o truth!
So where is this taking you? I don't know but you do! Wherever that is, I hope it is to be that person that lives to be who you are. What you want to be. Who you are meant to be.
I want You to live as that person you are meant to!
The one who shouts f$% # you to fear! The one who pushes away insecurity! The one who see's self-doubt explode and become the one who knows I look effin great! I get people to feel amazing when they step into my world. I inspire greatness in others and I love doing it!
It fills me, it brings passion into my life to do this, and it comes naturally!
So now, when I post this, I did it! I stepped into being me and sharing it with you and being ok with it.
I know that if I didn't get it right the first time, I can try again where I know I did it right!
And if that didn't work, then I'm going to try again!
and if that didn't effin work, then I'm going to bloody try again harder, faster, better!
Why? Becaue that's who I am! I'm that guy that steps into life, and experiences everything at a high level that comes with it, and I beat the challenge victoriously, even if it takes me a long time doing it!
So I invite you, now, to: comment, like and share this message.
To read all that I write, everytime I write because when I do, it will inspire you, move you, elevate you towards, achieving a higher state of you!
If not now when? I invite you to do you now and remember that action is what it takes to Adapt into the real you. The you of today.
Adapt with OPTApp
- Ozzie
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