Hipsters Hot Over LGBT’s Lack Of Action
New York City - The NYCHipster Alliance has filed a suit after the LGBT declared that it would not start the proposed gentrification process in Canarsie, Brooklyn, initially agreed upon by the two groups late, last quarter.
LGBT Spokesperson, Kris Kraft stated that the upscaling plan was postponed due to other projects still ongoing in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn, Washington Heights, NY and the late completion of “Operation West Bank” in Jersey City, NJ. The LGBT fired back urging the Alliance to once and for all take initiative and start a project themselves. “It is no secret that hipsters have a long history of batting cleanup in the gentrification process. Thier only real responsibility is providing bodies with decent credit scores to start absorbing the hikes in rental prices and opening one or two retro bicycle shops in the area”, stated Kraft.
Kraft declared that the LGBT still had big plans for Canarsie, calling it the next Park Slope. As a show of good faith, LGBT officials offered to support the Alliance by sending a scout unit (typically known as Fast Action Group or F.A.G.) to set up a trendy overpriced coffee shop that would serve as a centralized base camp for the hipsters.
Speaking for the Alliance, Pip Satterfield applauded LGBT’s offer for a base camp but ultimately passed on the idea declaring that it is too risky for its members. “None of us have military training, and as of now, beating the sh*t out of a hipster is not considered a Hate Crime.”