Columbia's Most Laughable Humor Magazine
https://columbiajester.com/ Submissions-based humor magazine. The Jester operates with a board and general membership.
We like to think we're pretty awesome, but then again, who insults themselves? Interested in getting involved? email [email protected] we don't bite... much
The University Archives loves @ColumbiaFootball…and Columbia Football cover artwork! This week's installment is a cover from a 1924 issue of the Jester of Columbia. Come see and learn more about the history of the program – one of the oldest in the country - at "Roar, Lion, Roar: A Celebration of Columbia Football" now on display @culibraries in the RBML's Chang Octagon through December 20. #RoarLionRoar
ENTER COLUMBIA JESTER’S ANNUAL JOKE COMPETITION BY E-MAILING YOUR BEST ORIGINAL JOKE TO [email protected].
WINNERS GET MONEY AND A FALSE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT.
T-MINUS 45 MINUTES UNTIL http://datamatch.me IS ONLINE!
Datamatch uses proprietary AI techniques and well-researched psychological profiles aggregated from two decades of data on the Harvard dating scene to find the perfect match for you. 75% of Harvard undergraduates use our matching service each Valentine's Day. Will you?
“This stuff is legal, and obviously the government doesn’t legally sell stuff that can kill you.”
Catherina Gioino | Des Moines (CJ)– Carla Passa, CC’22, refused to drink coffee before arriving at Columbia. “I always thought of it as an adult drink,” said the Iowa nativ…
Photos from Columbia Alumni Association's post
Bored in class? How about an ol' fashioned game of word search?
A classic game with a new twist! Wait, I mean: 01100001 00100000 01100011 01101100 01100001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100011 00100000 01100111 01100001 01101101 01100101 1) 01100111 2) 01100101 …
We're not the NYT but we also publish anon "op-eds"
Etta Slater. In recent years, there has been increased legal action regarding the need for people to disclose their sexual health issues before engaging in the act of, as the Brits like to call it,…
Just because school is cancelled doesn't mean the local KKK rally is
Looks like the Washington Post digs Datamatch (and Jester): https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2018/02/13/for-just-one-day-love-is-in-the-air-amid-the-gigibytes/?utm_term=
In an era in which sexual hookups get all the attention, Datamatch, a creation of Harvard students, promotes old-fashioned dates.
"Datamatch’s crucial mistake was partnering with Jester Humor Magazine to spread this to Columbia. If they heard that our readership is “off-the-charts horny,” wouldn’t we be a better (and funnier) option? We would have made a much better survey, for one, that is a lot more Columbia-related and that more effectively reveal a user’s personality."
-Youngweon Lee, Bwog, February 11, 2018 (http://bwog.com/2018/02/11/the-apocalypse-of-online-dating-is-here-brought-to-you-by-datamatch/)
Continue signing up for datamatch.me to make Bwog saltier about not being included (again) ;)
Jester comes in clutch
Find our flyers and you could win a FREE JOHN JAY CONDOM!!
THE JESTER'S NEW PRINT ISSUE IS OUT!!!!!
READ ABOUT GHOSTS HERE: https://columbiajester.com/the-archives/
OR HIT UP ANY MEMBERS FOR A LIMITED NUMBER OF PAPER ISSUES PRINTED ON DEAD TREES
This week, the Jester of Columbia's online issue is "The Suzanne Goldberg Issue On The Freedom of Speech".
Supriya found Suzanne Goldberg's diary and published an extract from it entitled "The Suzanne Goldberg Guide to Rape": https://columbiajester.com/2017/11/01/the-suzanne-goldberg-guide-to-rape/
Euslace Wiley got a statement from Suzanne Goldberg about her tireless efforts to support marginalized Nazis and misunderstood rapists: https://columbiajester.com/2017/11/01/which-is-better-nazis-or-rape/
Andrew tried to delve into Suzanne Goldberg's relationship with spiderman: https://columbiajester.com/2017/11/01/a-day-in-the-life/
Supriya Ambwani Suzanne Goldberg is a lawyer who is ostensibly an expert on the sex and the gays. She, like Admiral General Aladeen in The Dictator, holds many positions of power at Columbia Univer…
https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/25/contemplate-your-life-span/
Columbia University tried to calculate the amount of free time its students should have. Catherina Gioino used her advanced scientific skills to improve that flawed analysis.
Catherina Gioino Contemplate Your Life Span Also Known As: Commitments Reality Check Why should I even go to this school? You, like everyone else, attend Columbia because of the prestige.…
The Columbia Football team has trifled with Catherina Gioino's expectations of a Columbia University in the City of New York education. Shame!
https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/20/i-chose-columbia-because-i-didnt-want-to-go-to-a-football-school/
Catherina Gioino With the Columbia football team winning all five games it’s played this season, it’s time we face the facts: Columbia is one win away from renting pick-up trucks and …
In honor of the Columbia University Writers House and the Jester of Columbia's joint Movement Against Trifling tomorrow, 20 October, 2017, the theme of this week's issue is 'Trifling'.
Sean got trifled and turned into an Easter bunny on 34th street: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/19/trifling-on-34th-street-a-snapshot/
Michelle got But-rifled: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/19/trifling/
Andrew wants you to know if you're 'That Guy': https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/19/that-guy/
Henrietta has an exclusive interview with a girl who wonders if she has necrophilia after a date with yet another guy who’s dead behind the eyes: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/19/girl-wonders-if-she-has-necrophilia-after-date-with-yet-another-guy-whos-dead-behind-the-eyes/
Tanmay got trifled by Columbia University in the City of New York: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/19/columbia-trifled-me/
Sean Rafferty Chris Krangle seethes beneath the overhang of Hotel Pennsylvania on 7th Ave., sucking on a Kool for dear life. He’s dressed in a bunny costume from his neck down (he’d left the head o…
This week, The Jester of Columbia set out to explore Forbidden Places.
Mark broke into and mapped the tunnel system of Columbia University in the City of New York: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/11/map-of-columbia-tunnels/
Ethan got trapped on the roof of Butler Library and butchered some pigeons to survive: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/11/trapped-on-butler-roof/
Andrew has written a handy guide to where masturbation is okay: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/11/trapped-on-butler-roof/
Tanmay explored the dungeons of Butler Library: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/11/what-is-the-centerpiece-of-columbia/
Mark Prusakowsi
This week, The Jester of Columbia attempts to answer the unanswerable: What Is Barnard College?
Michelle tackles the thesis in "What Is Barnard?": https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/05/what-is-barnard/
Andrew describes what President Trump's visit to Barnard would look like: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/05/trumps-visit-to-barnard/
Mark snuck into Barnard's Free and For Sale page: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/05/barnard-free-and-for-sale/
Sean is trying to transfer out of Barnard: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/05/uga-transfer-applicants-insight-questions-max-500-words/
Supriya and Ethan did research on birth control methods used at Barnard and Columbia with the help of Columbia Health: https://columbiajester.com/2017/10/05/a-uncomprehensive-list-of-birth-control-used-by-columbia-and-barnard-students/
More information on this elusive subject is welcome. Message/ email/ owl mail us with more secrets.
Michelle Goff This year, Columbia’s Class of 2018 will graduate. Many of its members will learn about an ominous secret that has haunted Columbia’s campus for years. It is PrezBo’s greatest secret,…
https://columbiajester.com/2017/09/27/idioms-for-dummies/
Use your brain cells for the first time this decade with this crossword by Tanmay Khandelwal
Tanmay Khandelwal
https://columbiajester.com/2017/09/24/plan-your-kids-labor-dayback-to-school-party-skip-those-pesky-wal-mart-lines-with-amazon-prime/
Nimrod aka Sean Rafferty has some September advice for all the prescription drug-overdosed parents of New York:
Sean Rafferty Hey parents, guardians, and caregivers of New York! It’s Nimrod the Clown here, with some more tips on having fun with young kids. So, if you’re anything like me and my partner, you w…
Andrew Schur believes that the John Jay elevator is a leading cause of America's obesity epidemic. Learn more: https://columbiajester.com/2017/09/24/on-john-jay-elevators/
Andrew Schur Ahhh yes. The doors opening is as satisfying as hearing the Indian technician pick up your 1-800 call on the other line, finally available to explain how to delete porn from you…
Mark Prusakowski tried to watch The Book of Mormon. Did he succeed???????? Read about what happened in that fateful line: https://columbiajester.com/2017/09/22/tales-from-broadway-the-discount-ticket-line/
Mark Prusakowski Being the one deadbeat in my group of theater friends who has not yet seen The Book of Mormon on Broadway, I decided to bite the bullet on Monday and skip class to see the show tha…
The cross Ethan Widell on crossing lines at Columbia: https://columbiajester.com/2017/09/22/lines-at-columbia-and-how-to-cross-them/
Ethan Widell Columbia is a college of many lines. Whether it be the wait for overcooked ferris noodles or the hypnotically straight bars in front of your John Jay window, there are all sorts of lin…
https://columbiajester.com/2017/09/20/millennials-are-killing-the-pickup-line-genre/
Those damned millenials!
As any good Baby Boomer knows, Millennials are constantly destroying every reminder of the American Dream in today’s society. With the advent of Tinder, many Millennials have found a new precious g…
GREETINGS!!!!!!!
Our first meeting of the semester is TOMORROW, 19th September (TUESDAY for those who failed kindergarten) at Lerner 510B from 8 pm to 10 pm.
GET PUMPED!!!!!!!!!!
We are 3 rows in front of the wetter fountain on Low Steps and diagonally across from the tourists around Alma Mater. Table 94 is where the debauchery is at!!!
Now that you know our exact location, you could either send a drone to destroy us or come stare at us as evidence that Columbia lets in "just any riff-raff" these days.
We're waiting with our bae Euslace Willey!
http://columbiaspectator.com/opinion/2017/09/06/the-club-rejections-we-pay-for/
The Jester of Columbia firmly rejects rejections, especially Freudian ones. We believe in accepting everyone who likes to laugh and make other people laugh AND WE DO IT FOR FREE (*bribes suggested but not required). To quote one of our lesser-known alumni, Allen Ginsberg,
"The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy!
The nose is holy! The tongue and cock and hand
and asshole holy!
Everything is holy! everybody's holy! everywhere is
holy! everyday is in eternity! Everyman's an
angel!"
If you have a holy soul and a holy nose (or maybe a holy cock and a holy asshole), join the very non-exclusive Jester of Columbia to protest against bougie exclusiviness in snowflake-papered Ivy League corridors of misery and one-night stands with Chad.
To join us, like our page for updates/ email us at [email protected]/ visit our table at the Columbia Activities' Fair on Friday afternoon/ paste love letters to us all over Prez Bo's house.
Columbia College Student Council faces a moral dilemma: whether or not it should fund student groups that actively exclude students, even as the funds supporting these organizations come from the students excluded. CCSC manages over $1 million in Student Activity Fees. Student Activity Fees are paym...
The Jester of Columbia will hand out free happy endings in the Stacks to anyone who figures out who this Gonorrhea-lover is: https://columbiajester.com/2017/05/15/senior-bullsh*t-profile-king-kai-nhool/
(private messages only plz we respect privacy)
Name: King Kai-nhool Name on seekingarrangement.com: King Kai-nhool Favourite STD: Gonorrhea, hands down. I think it reminds me of Columbia itself, because it affects moist and wet areas of the bo…
Tom MacLeod, of the Clan MacLeod gave the Jester of Columbia an exclusive interview for its Senior Bullsh*t Profile series. Share some of his wisdom right here: https://columbiajester.com/2017/05/15/senior-bullsh*t-profile-tom-macleod-of-the-clan-macleod/
If you're a senior who wants to be a part of the Clan ManLeod, complete this questionnaire: https://goo.gl/forms/tsIKajn4hCBdYxko1
Name: Tom MacLeod, of the Clan MacLeod Name on seekingarrangement.com: VitaminDBag Favourite STD: Gonnorherpasyphillaids BDSM Safeword: Smegma Do you believe that the Marching Band should storm But…
Check out our first Senior Bullsh*t Profile of the year with Sara Wright!
https://columbiajester.com/2017/05/15/senior-bullsh*t-profile-sara-wright/
If you're a senior who hasn't filled this in yet (what are you even doing with your life?), complete this questionnaire: https://goo.gl/forms/tsIKajn4hCBdYxko1
Name: Sara Wright Name on seekingarrangement.com: Flute Mama Favourite STD: Wut BDSM Safeword: Banana Do you believe that the Marching Band should storm Butler 209? Absolutely Describe your…
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The Jester of Columbia is Columbia University's only humor magazine. Founded in 1901, the Jester is also one of the oldest publications on campus. The Jester is a submissions-based humor magazine with a specific one word theme for each issue. The current theme is "Orientation." Alumni of the magazine include playwright Tony Kushner and intellectual Peter Duchamp. Are you a Columbia student who wants to get involved in the Jester? We are always looking for new writers, artists, and In Design mavens as well as general fans. Email [email protected] for information. The Jester is provided free of charge to Columbia students. When distributed, issues can be found in any of the student publication racks on campus. They can also be ordered to mailboxes. Interested in advertising with the Jester? Contact [email protected] for rates and information.
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