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The Northport News Network is an amateur team of unsophisticated journalists committed to bringing you the latest breaking news, BS, satire, facts and fiction that you may or may not need to know or care about.

BREAKING NEWS- Runaway Primate arrested in Pickens County! Pickens County Sheriff’s Department is reporting to have arre...
10/29/2025

BREAKING NEWS-

Runaway Primate arrested in Pickens County!

Pickens County Sheriff’s Department is reporting to have arrested 1 of the 3 Runaway Primates. In a press conference held at 4:00 P.M, Pickens County Sheriff’s deputies responded to the Gordo Motel at approximately 2:10 P.M and found the Primate Smoking Ma*****na while soliciting prostitution.

Stay with us here at The Northport News Network for more Details on the Mayhem In Mississippi as more details emerge

Breaking News out of Mississippi puts West Alabamians on High Alert!Overturned Truck creates chaos, carnage and destruct...
10/29/2025

Breaking News out of Mississippi puts West Alabamians on High Alert!

Overturned Truck creates chaos, carnage and destruction as 21 Herpes infested Primates wreaked havoc in Mississippi yesterday, on the scene was Clayton Bigsby with more information;

“18 of these primates done been eliminated by the law, they wouldn’t doing nothing but just trying to get to Memphis. They wouldn’t threatening nobody, they was only 2 that had COVID but all 21 was wearing they Covid Mask, 16 of them might have had herpes but they caught that at those massage parlors over in Tuscaloosa. The Law caught one of them and took him to jail on some made up charges”

While 3 Primates are unaccounted for as of this morning, N.N.N very own Clayton Bigsby has reported these Primates were able to escape by stealing a 2004 Silver Nissan Altima and a 2019 Dodge Challenger. Bigsby also stated the Primates appeared to be headed West towards Alabama.

Stay with The Northport News Network as we have an inside source and will be reporting breaking news through the day on this unprecedented Event.

Just in front of the D***s Camp-“I would like to personally invite all 18 of my supporters to come out and attend my re-...
08/27/2025

Just in front of the D***s Camp-

“I would like to personally invite all 18 of my supporters to come out and attend my re-election party this evening with special celebrity guest and Texas Waterpark Developer Ken Donahue”
*no fondling of the goat will be tolerated or allowed without wristband

Former Homicide detective Dale Phillips wins Northport Mayoral Race while former Northport Mayor and Natural Disaster Am...
08/27/2025

Former Homicide detective Dale Phillips wins Northport Mayoral Race while former Northport Mayor and Natural Disaster Ambassador, Bobby Herndon offers Aid to the badly beaten candidates

Incumbent Woodrow Washington defeats the whitest man in the world, Zach Stone for District 2
08/27/2025

Incumbent Woodrow Washington defeats the whitest man in the world, Zach Stone for District 2

The people have spoken…. new Mayor to be announced soon
08/27/2025

The people have spoken…. new Mayor to be announced soon

Jamie Conger, endorsed by Northport Firefighters WINS DISTRICT 3. Karl Wiggins, endorsement from Golden Corral was not e...
08/27/2025

Jamie Conger, endorsed by Northport Firefighters WINS DISTRICT 3. Karl Wiggins, endorsement from Golden Corral was not enough to secure enough votes for the incumbent

08/27/2025

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE from the N.N.N Situation desk!

The city of Northport has partnered with Elite Staffing to hire the new Mayor. The City of Northport encourages all interested applicants for Mayor to apply in person or online at Elite Employment Services. All applicants will be subject to Chlamdyia testing.

As Voting Polls in Northport are closing, the Waterpark will be Opening!!
08/27/2025

As Voting Polls in Northport are closing, the Waterpark will be Opening!!

08/26/2025

Breaking News-NORTHPORT ELECTION 2025

Too early to call

The Tuscaloosa Thread reports Jamie D***s has unfinished business she hopes to accomplish in her 2nd term….Mavis Tire at...
07/25/2025

The Tuscaloosa Thread reports Jamie D***s has unfinished business she hopes to accomplish in her 2nd term….

Mavis Tire at Bristol Park

Shutting down another park

MORE Sitting on ass to draw her check from the City of Northport

More Drinking and partying with Texas waterpark developer

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