03/09/2026
Simple truth people never talked about
I regret having premarital s*x.
For many years, I didn’t think I would ever say those words. When I was younger, it didn’t look like something to regret. In fact, in the environment I grew up in, it almost felt like something to celebrate. Among my friends, experiences with women were treated like achievements. People compared stories, laughed about them, and sometimes even competed over them as if they were collecting trophies.
At that time, nobody talked about consequences. Nobody talked about the emotional weight those experiences could carry into the future. Nobody talked about what would happen when you eventually met the woman you truly loved.
Then I got married.
And that was when I began to understand something I wish someone had explained to me earlier.
You see, when you share that level of intimacy with multiple people before marriage, your mind sometimes carries memories you cannot easily erase. Moments that seemed harmless at the time suddenly become mental comparisons that you never asked for and never wanted.
There were times when I found myself battling thoughts I hated. Not because I didn’t love my wife—far from it. I loved her deeply. But I realized something painful: my past had introduced unnecessary struggles into something that was meant to be pure and peaceful.
My wife deserved better than that.
She deserved to be the only story in that area of my life. She deserved a man who was discovering everything about intimacy, connection, and vulnerability with her alone. Instead, I had to fight through memories that should never have existed in the first place.
And that is where the regret comes from.
Not because pleasure existed in the past, but because those choices followed me into my future.
People often think s*xual discipline before marriage is just about rules or religious expectations. But I’ve come to realize it’s actually about something much deeper: it is about protecting the peace of your future marriage.
When you guard yourself before marriage, you are not just obeying a principle—you are preserving something beautiful for the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
You give them something rare in today’s world: a heart that has been kept, a mind that is free from comparisons, and a love story that begins with them and them alone.
Looking back now, if I could speak to my younger self, I would tell him this:
What feels like freedom today may become a burden tomorrow.
And what feels like restraint today may actually be the greatest gift you give to your future spouse.
Because the truth is, the greatest gift you can give the person you marry is not wealth, success, or even romance.
It is a heart that chose faithfulness before they ever arrived.
~Pastor Dolapo Lawal
