It wasn't a phase, I'm just Autistic

It wasn't a phase, I'm just Autistic Autistic adult & parent, unmasking in real time
Sharing lived experience, not professional advice.

01/05/2026

Making a page is not easy! Especially when you have ADHD.

01/01/2026

It’s actually bewildering how doctors, teachers etc witnessed this and thought “nah, they're not autistic” 🫠

12/31/2025

Meltdowns. Let's talk about them.

My meltdowns look different than everyone else's. Typical autistic meltdowns are not always screaming, throwing yourself onto the floor, and flailing your arms angrily. Which can and does happen as well.

My meltdowns look like shutdowns. I will yell due to my ADHD rage- sometimes scream- once, and then I am quiet. I don't want any interaction, I am numb, and I just feel... Done. Done with everything and every one.
This is when I go to my bedroom or the bathroom and I collect myself. I sit on the bathroom floor and rock back and forth, sometimes mumbling to myself. For me, this can last anywhere from minutes to an hour depending on the severity of the meltdown/shutdown.

Why they happen:

Overstimulated.

Sound. Kids yelling. TV too loud.

Sight. House is a mess, cluttered, neverending cycle that gets very daunting when you're already overwhelmed.

Touch. My kids are constantly trying to climb onto me, play rough with me for too long, and I get touched out.

I have typically short lived meltdowns, and I don't know if that's because I force myself to stop them or if I am slowly able to regulate myself in a healthy way.

12/31/2025

When my oldest turned 7- I was struggling. I didn't understand myself at that time, I was still navigating a new adhd diagnosis, for him and me. I had a 2 year old daughter and my brain was just absolute goo.
But, something happened that year. I began to research autism. I didn't need tiktok to tell me I had ADHD, I knew that already. But there were things that were just so relatable and eye opening that I had to learn more about autism.

I learned about stimming, and how my daughter loved to stim at a very young age. She would constantly be upside down, shaking her head back and forth to the sounds of music, rocking back and forth, sitting and falling asleep in such silly ways. And then I realized... I do the same things.
That year I realized I could be autistic, and I took the RAADS-R self assessment just for fun- and I got a 135. I thought surely I was faking it, or just maybe over exaggerating.

I talked to my therapist at the time who said it could be a possibility, but there wasn't any use to get an official diagnosis. So it just went in the back of my mind for a while.

As my daughter got older and I was pregnant, certain things began to click more. I started unmasking slowly. I started stimming more and more- especially when I was excited or anxious!

Fast forward to today. My 10 year old has been diagnosed with Tourretes Syndrome and he will be getting his own autism assessment in January.

My 5 year old daughter tested borderline for autism - twice with two different locations. She was simply one point away from a formal diagnosis and they said because she was super social they didn't feel comfortable labeling her as such.

My 3 year old son graduated out of speech therapy this year and is no longer in therapies for now.

And then there's me. I turned 30 years old in June and I no longer question myself being autistic. It's been almost 4 years in the making since I took that first self assessment and did the deep dive. Writing pages upon pages of my childhood and traits I still have, reflecting on my past and present self. If I was faking it, I would be one dedicated person.

12/30/2025

I would love to make videos and post them, however, my anxiety gets the better of me every single time. Not to mention I have a 3 year old who just loves to put his face in my camera.

The process of making a simple introduction video went like this-

Me: *hits record* *freezes* *looks away laughing awkwardly*

My son: *laughs like a hyena and proceeds to put his face all up in my phone*

Me: "Okay, maybe not."

12/30/2025

Routine:

I know in my heart of hearts, I SHOULD have a routine. As a stay at home parent and homeschooler, routine would solve a lot of problems.

However I have never been one for routines.
I always thought it was because I was broken or lazy. Turns out it was my ADHD front and center.

12/30/2025

Navigating emotions as an autistic adult late-diagnosed in life is hard.

Navigating emotions is quite difficult in general.

I remember never fully understanding which emotions were going through my mind until sometimes days or even weeks after the initial onset.

My processing times I joke, are very slow and sometimes I even need a reboot- a nap usually, or a hot shower to recenter myself and my thoughts.

12/30/2025

Since this page is just a baby, I'll share some things that I plan on posting on here.

1. Real life experiences of someone who is autistic and navigating the life of parenthood.
2. Silly things that run though my mind as someone with raging ADHD.
3. Possibly info-dumping my favorite things.
4. Posting pictures of my cats.
5. Reposting my favorite creators!

12/30/2025

Hi, my name is Nyx! I am a 30-year-old parent who created this page on a simple whim to share my life with the world. I have three children, and though I won't be sharing their faces on my page, I will mention that they are 10 years old, 5 years old, and 3 years old. After noticing autistic traits in my young daughter and recognizing similar tendencies in myself, I discovered through self-reflection that I am autistic. Almost five years later, having learned much about myself, I invite you to join me on my journey of unmasking my autism and creating a space for relatable experiences.

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Paragould, AR

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