11/11/2024
Veterans, stay strong. Hold tight to the Brotherhood. Keep the memories alive!
God bless you all.
When Soldiers Cry
It’s been 3 years now since my father died. I thought a lot about writing about my grief, and how it’s very different from the grief I experienced when my spouse died.
I write a lot about grief but it’s not easy to write about it when you’re deep in the belly of its awfulness.
But I know that when you keep your grief holed up inside, it twists you out of shape and makes you someone nobody wants to be around.
So…I write.
Grief steamrolled its way into my life 10 years ago when my spouse died. Then it returned after the loss of my father. My father was 89, so I guess I figured his journey was getting close to the end. But still, much like a naïve child, I thought my hero would live forever.
Yes, this time my grief is different. Maybe the loss of my spouse has always felt out of sequence to me. I mean, I guess I just always assumed my father would die before my spouse who was much younger.
I learned 10 years ago that life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to, it throws curveballs.
Today is Veterans Day, and my father served in the United States Army.
I miss him a little extra on these special days.
Here’s the thing…It’s really difficult when you’re a Grief Specialist and someone you love dies because everyone thinks you have all the answers, all the secrets.
Not true! I’m just like everyone else…I hurt.
Sometimes the hardest thing for me to do is to allow myself to break because for me (and maybe for you too) it’s just not cool when we think others think we’re not coping.
Our culture celebrates the tearless soldiers, leaving the rest of us, the criers, feeling ashamed of our emotions.
Men don’t cry…right?
At my father’s funeral, I watched all his veteran friends stifle their sadness except for his best friend. I watched tears silently roll down his face, and I knew at that moment, it was safe to allow myself to break.
And today…I want to say thank you to all those that have served in the military, and for the sacrifices they made for their country.
Gary Sturgis - “Surviving Grief”
