08/13/2025
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Pittsburgh Declares French Fry Emergency After âSteel City Sandwichâ Craze Spirals Out of Control
The City of Pittsburgh has officially declared a French Fry Emergency after local residents consumed what officials describe as âan unsustainable and frankly alarmingâ amount of fries in the past week.
The crisis erupted after a viral TikTok trend dared Pittsburghers to pile French fries into every imaginable sandwich â a challenge that quickly escalated into stacking fries onto anything and everything edible. The frenzy reached peak absurdity when participants began devouring their fry-laden creations, dunking the entire monstrosity into Heinz ketchup, and consuming it mid-ride on the Duquesne Incline.
Mayor Ed Gainey issued a statement this morning:
âWe love fries here, but weâve reached a breaking point. Yesterday alone, 48% of our cityâs potatoes were eaten before noon. Even Idaho called to check on us.â
The fry shortage has triggered unusual behavior:
Steelworkers are smuggling crinkle-cuts in lunch pails.
A black-market tater tot ring has allegedly formed in the Strip District.
Acrisure Stadium and PNC Park are now accepting waffle fries as legal tender for beer purchases.
In a controversial move, the city has begun importing emergency potato supplies from Cleveland â a decision met with outrage.
âWeâd rather eat zucchini fries than take potatoes from Cleveland,â said lifelong Yinzer and sandwich enthusiast Tony âGravy Boatâ Mancini.
One bright spot has emerged: Kennywoodâs Potato Patch reports business is âup 4000%â and is considering opening a fry-only hotel with a ketchup pool.
The mayorâs office assures residents that ânormal potato consumption should resume soon,â but urged everyone to âswitch to carrot sticks in the meantime for the good of the city.â
Editorâs Note: This article pairs best with an Iron City Beer and a side of sarcasm.
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Acrisure Stadium Primanti Bros. Heinz Pittsburgh Brewing Co.