https://settlingisbullsh*t.com/, https://settlingisbullsh*t.substack.com/

Settling Is Bullsht

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Portland, OR
Settling Is Bullsht

Sweary life and relationship advice for humans trying to get better at adulting. Make brave choices. Claim your joy!

We'll talk about all the good sh*t that helps us show up for ourselves and each other just a little bit better every day.

05/30/2025

No matter how much we cognitively “know” about how trauma works, none of us are immune from the grip it can have on our capacity to deal with life. Thankfully, there are ways out, and writing is one of them.

Dr. Stacey Hettes - knows this firsthand. In spite of her PhD in neuroscience and decades of teaching it to undergraduate students, a tense campus event in 2019 triggered a debilitating post-traumatic stress response tracing all the way back to her childhood experiences of sexual abuse. With the help of her therapist (and eventually a coach), Stacey was able to write her way out of the pit via a gorgeous, heartbreaking, and riveting memoir that was just published this month.

In this lovely conversation, Stacey and I talk about her experiences of writing her way to healing, the neuroscience of trauma, and the value of finding meaning and purpose on the other side of surviving terrible s**t.

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! [links in bio]

05/24/2025

Are you freaking out right now? Have you been freaking out lately? Are you stuck in the freak out land of "everything is cuckoo bananas and I can’t handle it?!"

If so, this is for you, my friend. I promise letting it all out will be good for you, and I'll be right there with ya while you get it over with. 💜

I've got a sweet little episode recorded for you in case of emergencies – we’ll take some deep breaths together, we’ll co-regulate, and hopefully you’ll feel a little less alone in your big feelings. (Because your feelings are valid, and I’ve totally been there, too!)

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! Find the episode on your favorite platform or read the transcript: https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/

05/22/2025

Don't let the imaginary tigers get you!! 🐯 (As in, your engrained threat response, which is trying to convince you you're in danger).

This week, I've got an episode ready for the next time you’re in an anxiety spiral, a weepy meltdown, or any other overwhelming set of feelings that you might call a freak out.

If you can’t (or don’t want to) call somebody, you can press play and listen to me remind you that you’re going to be okay, and it’s totally normal to freak out sometimes.

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts!

Listen to the episode or read the transcript: https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/

05/18/2025

One of my favorite simple joy practices is taking myself on “rainbow walks” - going out and actively looking for things to take pictures of that follow the rainbow (red, orange, yellow, etc). Spring is an excelling time for it, especially here in

It’s a great mindfulness practice, and it helps me to pay attention to my neighborhood and the changes in the seasons.

Will you take yourself on a rainbow walk today? Post pics and tag me! I want to see your rainbows!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈

05/15/2025

How often are you getting to do the things that you are already good at? Do you wake up each day knowing that you’re going to get to show up in the world in the ways that you naturally shine? If not, then it’s time to change that, darlin.

In this conversation with strengths coach Lee Peterson, we talk about how important it is to our wellbeing for us to lean into doing the things we’re naturally good at – instead of being in a never-ending spin cycle of trying to get better at the stuff we’re bad at.

Lee convinces me that trying to be well-rounded is a bunch of perfectionist bulls**t (my phrasing, not hers). And it’s still blowing my mind, but it seems like letting go of trying to be good at everything is a better way to live.

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/05/14/leaning-into-what-youre-already-good-at-with-lee-peterson/

05/10/2025

Last week’s episode was all about play, and I gotta say - free play arcades are an excellent way to get your play on!

Highly recommend in Hillsboro, Oregon! Flat fee for all-day play!!

I think I managed to make it through 30 or so pinball machines while failing to take anywhere near enough pictures. 😆

But it’s an entirely different experience to play pinball machines and other arcade games when there are no consequences for being bad at it. So much fun. So good for your brain!

05/05/2025

We all know that sleep is good for us, but it turns out that play is super good for us, too! Both are vital for healthy brain functioning – though, obviously, sleep is most important in that category. But we need both rest and play in order to live vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful lives.

And we don’t have to earn them!! Rest and play are our birthrights. We are allowed to both rest AND play regardless of how “productive” we have or haven’t been!! (Yes – I’m shouting about this!)

So this episode is your reminder, pep talk, and permission slip to let yourself play! To let go of the inner critic bulls**t and lean into the magic that can happen when you’re just doing the thing for the sake of doing it (not to get a particular outcome). And to take whatever nap or form of relaxation you need in order to recharge.

05/02/2025

This week’s episode is all about play! Or, as I like to think of it, active rest. It’s about giving our sweet lil’ brains the opportunity to set aside perfectionism and the inner critic and just explore, try new things, and have some fun. That might look like trying to make Spotted Dick 😆 (picture one), attempting to draw a picture of your cat and laughing about it (because does not mind my imperfect rendering!), or making candles for the first time and learning so many lessons!

We need play, exploration, curiosity, creativity like we need air! And we don’t have to earn the right to play. (Or take naps).

Links in bio to listen.

04/25/2025

Introducing the wall of infinite possibilities! 😍 Two giant white board panels ($40 from Lowe’s) installed in my new home office, and I am IN LOVE. Just looking at them makes me very happy.

It’s the little things, y’all. Or, in this case, the big little things. 😁 But I’ve got ideas and somewhere to put ‘em!!

Just need the markers to show up… 😆🤪

04/23/2025

We usually don't like to look at it this way, but the truth is that we’re all just making things up as we go along. Life isn’t scripted. And embracing the improv comedy concept of “yes, and” can help us move through the world with greater flexibility, less self-criticism, and an increased capacity to be truly present.

This episode is all about helping us learn to tolerate ambiguity, let go of perfectionism, and live from a place of expansion rather than shutting down.

My deep and sincere hope for all of us is that we can show up, do the best we can, treat ourselves kindly, and give ourselves credit for all the wonderful ways we do contribute to the world. And one of the ways to get there is through “yes, and.”

Listen to the episode or read the transcript: https://settlingisbulls**t.com/2025/04/23/saying-yes-and-to-life/

03/28/2025

Interrupting my season break with a spontaneous love note to anyone struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, or the s**tty fu***ng stories that like to get their grips on us. In particular, this is for my NeuroSpicy folks, my friends in recovery, and anyone who just feels like it’s impossible to fit into the box of what “normal” is supposed to look like.

Here’s your pep talk, here’s your empathy, here’s your reminder that the voice that’s telling you you’re not enough is a liar, and it’s mean, and you’re not alone in the feeling.

xoxox

Available anywhere you listen to podcasts (link in bio)

03/07/2025

It’s that time again – Mercury is going retrograde next week and things are going to get wacky. But if you want to have a better sense of what that actually means and how it might impact your life in particular, we are here for you!

In this conversation with astrologer and energy worker Fi Russell .aura , they walk me through what the heck Mercury retrograde means, why the sign it’s going retrograde through matters, and how to look at the implications of each retrograde in our personal charts.

I left feeling a lot clearer on at least one big component of astrology, and I hope you do, too! This s**t is way too complicated to take on more than one bit at a time.

Available wherever you listen to podcasts! Link in bio.

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Portland, OR

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https://settlingisbullshit.com/, https://settlingisbullshit.substack.com/

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