12/28/2025
Co-parenting is easy…
until your child’s father still thinks he owns you.
I won’t even lie—my baby daddy is one of those great dad on Facebook, nightmare in real life types.
Online, he’s Super Dad.
Anything for his kid.
“Protect Black families.”
“My son, my world.”
In real life?
He’ll ignore diaper texts for three days, then pop up at 11 p.m. talking about “I miss my son” like bedtime isn’t real.
He’ll send $40 and act like he paid the mortgage.
And the second I set a boundary, suddenly I’m “bitter.”
And the boundary was simple:
Stop using our child as a way to keep access to me.
Because let’s be honest—
a lot of these men don’t miss the kid.
They miss the control.
They miss knowing you might still fold.
They miss being able to ruin your mood and then sleep peacefully next to someone else.
So boom—he gets a new girlfriend. Cool.
But ever since then, he’s been treating me like the side chick he’s trying to manage.
Sweet one day.
Disrespectful the next.
Silent after that.
Then suddenly, “I’m taking my son.”
No asking. No planning. Just asserting dominance like I’m still under him.
And I noticed something.
When I’m struggling, he’s calm.
When I’m stressed, he’s confident.
When I’m tired, he’s loud.
But the second I look happy, he gets weird.
The second I stop arguing, he texts more.
The second I start glowing, he wants to “talk like adults.”
The second I stop needing him, he remembers he’s a father.
That’s when it clicked.
Some men don’t actually want to be good dads.
They want to be needed.
Because when you need them, they can mistreat you—and you still have to “be nice for the kids.”
So I did the most dangerous thing you can do to a toxic co-parent.
I stopped needing him.
I stopped begging.
Stopped reminding.
Stopped explaining.
Stopped sending paragraphs.
Stopped trying to teach basic decency.
Instead, I made my life smooth without him.
Not perfect.
Not rich.
Just stable enough that his “help” didn’t come with power anymore.
And when I tell you he lost it—he LOST it.
Started popping up more.
Calling more.
Saying I’m “moving funny.”
Asking who I’m talking to.
Saying, “I feel like you got somebody.”
I said,
“So you can have a girlfriend… but I can’t have peace?”
That’s when the mask slipped.
He said, “I don’t like the idea of another man around my kid.”
I said, “But you’re fine with another woman around my kid?”
He said, “That’s different.”
And right there—that’s the sickness.
A lot of baby daddies don’t want to co-parent.
They want to co-own.
They want you single, struggling, and available.
So they can pop in, pop out, and still feel like the main character in your life.
But me?
I’m not raising a child and a grown man.
If you want access to the child, be consistent.
If you want respect, give respect.
If you want peace, stop bringing chaos.
And if you think you can punish me by not helping—
baby, you were never helping.
You were renting control.
So let me ask this:
Is it wrong for a mother to cut off access to her energy,
even if she still allows access to the child?
Because I’m learning…
some men only show up when they can still touch your spirit.
