https://www.facebook.com/286503312020768/

Millicent Quansah, Scottsdale, AZ (2026)

08/11/2026

Submission is not scary when you submit to a man who is submitted to Christ.

08/09/2026

I know I’m about to move some tables with this one, but I really don’t agree with the statement: “Love alone is not enough for marriage.”

I was talking to a young man who was preparing to get married, and somewhere in our conversation he said:

“Millie, one thing I’ve learned is that love alone cannot make a marriage work.”

I asked him, “Okay… so what else do you need?”

He started listing things:

“Kindness.”

“Respect.”

“Patience.”

“Forbearance.”

“Understanding.”

I listened quietly.

Then I told him:

“I actually disagree with you.”

And he looked at me like, How? 😂

Because I think the problem is that we don't understand what love actually means.

We have reduced love to butterflies, attraction, emotions, chemistry, gifts, sweet words and how somebody makes us feel.

But that's not the full definition of love.

Go to 1 Corinthians 13.

What does Scripture say?

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love does not envy.

Love is not arrogant.

Love is not self-seeking.

Love is not easily angered.

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love perseveres.

Now tell me…

If you genuinely love me according to that definition, where exactly are you going to get the patience, kindness, self-control, humility and forgiveness from?

They are already inside love.

So when we say, “You need more than love,” sometimes I think what we really mean is:

“You need more than the version of love I have been taught.”

Because attraction is not love.

Lust is not love.

Chemistry is not love.

Being obsessed with someone is not love.

Loving someone because they make you feel good is not the same as biblical love.

Those things can disappear when the feelings change.

But biblical love is a decision, a posture and a way of treating another person.

So if I tell you, “I love you,” but I constantly disrespect you, I'm selfish, I'm impatient, I refuse to forgive you, I don't care about your wellbeing and I only treat you well when you're giving me what I want…

Do I really love you?

Or do I simply love what you do for me?

Now, of course, love doesn't mean tolerating abuse, and love doesn't mean remaining in an unsafe or destructive situation.

But I genuinely believe that if two people enter a marriage with a biblical understanding of love, place God at the center, and intentionally practice that love toward each other, they have the foundation necessary to build a lasting marriage.

Because the problem isn't that love is insufficient.

The problem is that we've called many things love that aren't actually love.

And maybe before we tell people they need more than love to make marriage work…

we should first teach them what love really is.

Because perhaps the question isn't:

“Is love enough?”

Perhaps the real question is:

“Do we actually know how to love?”

08/08/2026

A friend came to visit me some time ago, and at some point, she wanted to watch a popular program that focuses heavily on relationships and marriage.

If you know me, you know I’m not really a TV or movie person. 😂

So I told her, “You can watch it on your phone. I’m going to take a nap.”

It wasn’t really the nap. 😂
I just didn’t want to listen to the program.

Later, when she finished, she started telling me everything they had discussed.

“Women are like this…”

“Men are like that…”

“Never trust this…”

“Always protect yourself…”

And I stopped her and said, “This is exactly why I don’t listen to these programs regularly.”

Not because I don’t believe people have bad experiences.

Not because there is nothing to learn from other people.

But because words are powerful.

If you constantly consume stories about betrayal, failed marriages, selfish husbands, unfaithful wives, toxic relationships and people taking advantage of each other, you have to be careful.

Because eventually, you may start looking at your own relationship through the lens of somebody else’s experience.

Your partner does something completely innocent, but because you have heard a similar story before, you become suspicious.

They make a mistake, and instead of seeing your partner, you start seeing the person from that story.

You become defensive.

You become afraid.

You start preparing for a problem that hasn’t even happened.

And before you know it, you are fighting your partner for something someone else did to you in a story you heard.

Think about that.

I believe we should learn from people’s experiences, absolutely.

But as Christians, we also have to be intentional about what we allow to shape our minds.

I cannot build my marriage on someone else’s testimony of failure.

I need to know what God says about marriage.

I need wisdom.

I need discernment.

I need to learn how to become a better wife, a better person, a better partner.

Because if fear becomes the foundation of how I approach my marriage, I will always be on guard.

And sometimes, the very fear I’m trying to protect myself from can become the thing that destroys

08/08/2026

I went to the salon one day to get my hair done, and coincidentally, a long-time friend of mine also came in to make her hair.

It had been a while since she had seen me, so naturally, we started catching up.

“How are you?”

“How is life?”

“How is your husband?”

“How is marriage?”

I told her everything was good, and somewhere in the middle of our conversation, she looked at me and said:

“You are really lucky in this marriage.”

That statement caught my attention.

Not because I disagreed with her, but because I wanted to understand what she meant by lucky.

So I asked her why she thought so.

And she started talking about how my husband posts me, how he shows me off, how he does certain things publicly, and how those things made her feel that I was fortunate to be in such a marriage.

I listened.

Then I told her:

“My dear, I understand where you’re coming from, but those things are not necessarily the yardstick for determining whether someone is blessed in marriage.”

Because this is something I’ve come to realize:

Social media has taught us to measure marriages by what is visible.

If he posts you, he loves you.

If he buys you flowers, he’s a good husband.

If he takes you on vacations, you’ve found a good man.

If he writes you sweet messages online, your marriage must be perfect.

But what about the things nobody sees?

How does he treat you when the cameras are off?

Can you have difficult conversations without being afraid?

Does he respect you when he’s angry?

Does he show up when life gets difficult?

Can you trust his character when nobody is watching?

Can you both disagree and still choose each other?

Those are the things that tell me much more about a marriage than a Facebook post ever could.

And interestingly, as our conversation continued, my friend told me that she was also waiting for a man who would give her the kind of marriage she desired.

She said she wasn’t going to settle for less.

And I agreed with her on one thing:

Don’t settle for less.

But make sure you know what “more” actually means.

Because sometimes, we are waiting for a man who looks good on social media when what we actually need is a man who has good character in private.

We are looking for public affection when we should also be looking for private consistency.

We are looking for someone who can impress people when we should be looking for someone who can build a home.

So yes, my dear, I believe I am blessed in my marriage.

But not simply because my husband posts me.

And I hope that when you choose a spouse, you don’t confuse what looks good with what is actually good.

Because a beautiful marriage is not necessarily a visible marriage.

08/07/2026

I’ve been off social media for a couple of months, and coming back, there’s one narrative I keep seeing everywhere, especially when it comes to relationships and marriage:

“Choose yourself.”

Men will choose themselves, so women should choose themselves too.

Don’t sacrifice too much.

Don’t submit.

Don’t allow a man to take advantage of you.

Protect your peace. Prioritize yourself. Put yourself first.

And honestly, when you look at some of the marriages and relationships we see today, it’s easy to understand why this message is becoming so popular.

But as Christians, I think we need to pause and ask a deeper question:

Have we become so focused on protecting ourselves that we have forgotten what marriage was actually designed to be?

Because words are powerful.

When you repeatedly hear, “Choose yourself. Choose yourself. Choose yourself,” eventually, you can begin to enter marriage with a mindset that says:

“What am I getting out of this?”

Instead of:

“What are we building together?”

And that changes everything.

Marriage was never designed by God to be a competition between two people trying to protect themselves from each other.

It was designed to be a partnership.

Not one person being superior to the other.

Not one person constantly sacrificing while the other person takes.

Not a woman losing herself to serve a selfish man.

And certainly not a man being used or taken for granted.

Two people. One covenant. One family. Two people carrying the weight together.

The problem is that many of us enter marriage with completely different motives.

We ask:

“What will this person do for me?”

“How will this marriage benefit me?”

“What am I going to get?”

Instead of asking:

“Who am I becoming in this marriage?”

“What am I bringing into this marriage?”

“How can we serve, support, protect and build each other?”

And then when one person keeps taking and the other keeps giving, resentment grows.

Bitterness grows.

Exhaustion grows.

And eventually we conclude:

“Marriage is a scam.”

But maybe marriage isn't the scam.

Maybe we've been getting marriage wrong.

And please, don't misunderstand me.

Choosing yourself doesn't mean allowing someone to abuse you.

Submission doesn't mean tolerating wickedness.

Sacrifice doesn't mean losing your identity.

And being a Christian doesn't mean staying in a destructive situation simply because you're married.

But there is a difference between healthy self-respect and selfishness.

There is a difference between having boundaries and entering marriage with the mindset that “I come first, always.”

Because if two people enter a marriage determined to choose themselves above everything else…

who exactly is choosing the marriage?

So maybe, before we keep asking men and women to “choose themselves,” we should go back to Scripture and ask:

What did God actually intend marriage to be?

Because if we understand God's design, perhaps we won't have to choose between loving ourselves and loving our spouse.

We will understand that marriage was never supposed to be me versus you.

It was supposed to be:

“Us against the problem. Us building together. Us becoming better. Us honoring God together.”

And maybe that's the conversation we need to be having.

08/07/2026

I CAME HOME FROM AMERICA AND ONE BUCKET OF WATER HUMBLED ME. 😂😭

A few days ago, I travelled from the United States to Ghana to visit my parents.

And honestly, coming home has been an experience. 😂

There are some things you get so used to when you live abroad that you don’t even realize they have become luxuries until you come back home.

For me, it was something as simple as water.

At my parents’ house, the taps weren’t connected to the bathrooms yet. My dad explained that they were working on it and it would be fixed soon.

But tell me why the first time I realized I had to fetch water from the polytank and carry it to the bathroom, I almost lost it. 😭😂

I looked at my mum like:

“Mummy, ME? Fetching water?!”

I started complaining.

I told her, “I can’t do this ooo. You people told me everything would be fixed before I came. Why is it still like this? If this is how it’s going to be, I’ll just go back. I’m not coming again!” 😂😭

And my poor mother was like:

“Oh, sorry. I’ll fetch the water for you until they fix it.” 😭

At that moment, I didn’t realize how ridiculous I sounded.

I went to my room, laid down, and then something hit me.

The Holy Spirit began to minister to me.

And suddenly, I realized that the problem wasn’t really the bucket of water.

The problem was what I had become accustomed to.

I had become so used to turning on a tap whenever I needed water that carrying a bucket suddenly felt like a major inconvenience.

And God reminded me:

“What you are calling an inconvenience today is somebody else’s prayer.”

Whew. 😭

I realized I had an opportunity to say:

“Thank You, God, that I have lived in a place where I don’t have to fetch water to take to the bathroom.”

But instead, I complained because, for a moment, I had lost access to something I had become accustomed to.

And honestly, how many times do we do this in life?

We complain about the things that have become difficult only because we have experienced something easier before.

We complain about the small house because we once lived in a bigger one.

We complain about the old car because we once drove a better one.

We complain about our current job because we remember a season when things were better.

We complain about waiting because we once received things quickly.

We complain about what we don’t have anymore and forget to thank God for what we still have.

Sometimes, what we call a “bad season” is simply a season that doesn’t look like the previous one.

And maybe God is trying to teach us something through the inconvenience.

Maybe the bucket of water isn’t punishment.

Maybe it’s perspective.

Maybe it’s a reminder.

Maybe it’s an opportunity to say:

“Lord, thank You for how far You have brought me.”

Because the truth is…

Gratitude should not depend on convenience.

We shouldn’t only thank God when life is comfortable.

We shouldn’t only appreciate blessings when we have them in abundance.

Sometimes, you need to experience a little inconvenience to realize just how blessed you actually are.

That bucket of water taught me something I don’t think I’ll forget anytime soon. 😂❤️

Before you complain about what is missing, pause and thank God for what is present.

Because somebody is praying for the very thing you have stopped noticing.

May God give us grateful hearts. 🙏🏽❤️

And yes… the next time they ask me to fetch water, I’ll try not to behave like an American.

08/06/2026

The Lord God is a helper ! I have tried and tested 🙏💥

08/06/2026

A lady called me and said she needed my opinion about something happening in her relationship. According to her, the relationship with this young man has been good so far. They’re getting to know each other, things seem peaceful, no major issues.

But something happened that left her worried.

She went to visit him one day, but he wasn’t home yet. While she was waiting, she looked around the apartment and noticed a few things. The place needed some cleaning, and when she checked the fridge, there was barely any food inside.

So she decided to do what many of us were raised to see as a loving gesture.

She cleaned the apartment.
Then she cooked and stocked the fridge for him.

After that, she left.

Later that day, the guy sent her a message. He thanked her and said he really appreciated the effort. But he added something else. He told her that going forward, she didn’t have to worry about cleaning or cooking when she came over, because he already pays someone who regularly comes to take care of those things.

In his words, they are still getting to know each other, and he didn’t want her feeling like she had to come and start doing household duties.

Now this is where the issue started.

The lady called me and said she was worried. In her mind, if a man really likes you, he should allow you to do those things for him. Since he refused, she started wondering if maybe there was another woman already doing those things for him. Or maybe he didn’t really value her.

So we had a long conversation.

And I told her something I think many of us need to hear, both women and men.

Sometimes we need to unlearn certain narratives we grew up with.

For many years, especially in African contexts, relationships and marriage were explained to us with very fixed roles. A man’s role is to provide financially. A woman’s role is to cook, clean, give birth, and manage the home.

But when you go back to Scripture, the concept of a “helper” in Genesis is actually deeper than that.

The Hebrew word used there is “ezer.”

An ezer is not simply someone who cooks or cleans. It means someone who comes alongside to provide needed help.

And here is the key question: who defines what the needed help is?

The person you are helping.

If the man you are with already has systems in place for cleaning and cooking, then those things may not actually be the help he needs from you.

So instead of feeling rejected, a wiser question might be:
“How can I add value to this person’s life in ways that actually matter to them?”

Maybe the help they need is emotional support.
Maybe it’s intellectual partnership.
Maybe it’s encouragement in their vision.
Maybe it’s wisdom, strategy, or simply companionship.

Help is not one-size-fits-all.

This is why sometimes you see people who do all the traditional things perfectly. They cook, clean, and do everything society says a “good partner” should do, yet the relationship still struggles.

Because real needs are personal.

So instead of assuming what someone needs, ask them.

If someone tells you, “I appreciate this, but it’s not necessary,” that doesn’t automatically mean they don’t value you.

It may simply mean they already have that area covered.

The real question becomes: where can you genuinely contribute to their life?

08/04/2026

Hi besties ,
How are we all doing ? It’s been a while I have been here😍❤️

04/24/2026

Besties, can we talk for a minute?

There’s something I’ve been seeing a lot lately, especially on TikTok and even here on Facebook. And if we don’t talk about it honestly, it’s going to slowly reshape how people see marriage.

Everywhere you turn, people are sharing painful experiences. Stories of betrayal, cheating, disappointment, regret. And please hear me well, those pains are real. I’m not dismissing anyone’s experience. Some people have truly gone through a lot in their marriages.

But here is where my concern is.

Those experiences are slowly becoming the definition of marriage for many people.

You hear things like “marriage is a scam,” “don’t ever depend on a man,” “protect yourself at all costs,” and it’s being repeated so much that people who have never even been married are already afraid… already defensive… already bitter.

And that’s dangerous.

Because now, people are not entering marriage with hope or understanding. They are entering with fear, suspicion, and a mindset of “I won’t let anyone do me dirty.”

But think about it for a second… how do you build something healthy when you’re already guarded to that level?

Yes, learn from people’s experiences. Yes, be wise. But don’t carry someone else’s pain as your personal reality.

Not every marriage is miserable.
Not every man is wicked.
Not every woman is manipulative.

There are still people who are genuinely enjoying their marriages. Quietly. Privately. Without noise.

And one thing I’ve come to understand is this… when God is truly at the center, it shows. Not in just going to church or posting scriptures, but in how people treat each other daily.

Because someone who truly fears God will think twice before hurting you carelessly.

So if you desire marriage, guard your mind.

Don’t let social media feed you fear until you lose your desire for something God called good. And also don’t enter it with bitterness you picked up from someone else’s story.

Build your understanding the right way.
Pray.
Learn.
Grow.

Marriage is not a scam.
But it is also not something you do casually.

And the mindset you carry into it will shape a lot more than you think.

Millicent Quansah

08/11/2026

08/09/2026

08/08/2026

08/08/2026

08/07/2026

08/07/2026

08/06/2026

08/06/2026

08/04/2026

04/24/2026

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