09/11/2026
we're building a top 1% marriage
(here's what that actually looks like)
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1. average s*x isn't allowed in our house.
two economists studied 16,000 americans and found that going from s*x once a month to once a week adds as much happiness as an extra $50,000 a year. that's poverty-to-wealth money, sitting inside your marriage, free. meanwhile almost 1 in 3 married couples had zero s*x last year. zero. God invented s*x, gave it to marriage as a wedding gift, and wrote a whole book of the Bible about it. so no, we're not embarrassed to have a written goal here. we're aiming for top 1% in this room like every other room.
"let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth." — Proverbs 5:18
2. would you want to come home to you?
haunting question. sit with it. the mood that walks through your door tonight, the tone, the sighing, the phone in your hand, that's what your spouse gets to live with. most people spend their marriage grading their spouse and excusing themselves. flip it. am i a blessing to come home to? look inward more than you judge outward. take responsibility. become the kind of partner somebody thanks God for.
"why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" — Matthew 7:3
3. my wife gets exactly one marriage. i'm responsible for how good it is.
one husband. one shot at this. and she trusted me with it. i can't control most things in life, but the quality of her marriage is largely on me. so i stopped asking whether i'm happy with our marriage and started asking whether she's blessed by it. the first question builds resentment. the second one builds a legacy.
"husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." — Ephesians 5:25
4. peace beats a clean house.
some nights the dishes don't get done. some days our son gets one more show than the parenting books allow. we'll take it, because peace sits at the top of our list. you can do everything right, the meals, the chores, the schedule, and still raise your family in an anxious house. and the anxiety is the thing everybody actually feels at the end of the day. it's
