11/18/2025
THEY PARKED 17 HARLEYS ON MY LAWN—AND ONE OF THEM HAD A BADGE
I woke up to the sound of boots on gravel and pipes rumbling like a warzone. Looked out the window—my front yard was buried under a chrome parade of Harleys. Seventeen bikes. Some still idling. One had a blue line flag sticker and a "RETIRED, NOT DEAD" plate.
I march out in pajama pants and a college hoodie, waving my arms like a madwoman. "This is private property!" I yell. A guy with a white beard and mirrored sunglasses just smirks and takes a swig of something amber.
Another one—built like a vending machine—leans back on his seat and says, “It’s just grass, sweetheart. Chill.”
I call the non-emergency police line. Five minutes later, a cruiser rolls up. For a second, I breathe. Until the cop gets out, strolls over to the guy with the badge plate, and hugs him. Full bear-hug. They laugh like cousins at a cookout.
“Everything alright here, Paul?” the cop asks.
Paul. Of course. Paul, who once threatened to tow my car for being two inches over the sidewalk. Paul, who sits on our zoning board and shot down my garden shed proposal. Now he’s playing biker baron on my zoysia lawn.
I try again—ask the officer if he can make them move. The cop shrugs. “They’re not hurting anyone.”
Then one of the women starts unloading a folding table. Another lays out a cooler. Someone unpacks a portable speaker.
That’s when I notice the banner rolled up on the back of the lead bike. Bright red, flapping in the wind. It says—👇