AyansB-Side

09/19/2026

I Will Not Be a Nuisance
Queens, I called somebody the other day.
Somebody who calls me often.
And whenever this person calls me with something important to them, I make it important to me.
I stop what I'm doing.
I listen.
I'm fully engaged in the conversation.
But this particular day, I called them.
Nothing serious.
I was just checking in.
I didn’t need bail money.
About thirty seconds into that conversation, I felt like a bill collector.
Or an ex who hadn't gotten the message.
I felt like a nuisance.
Now, there was a time when I would have hung up and analyzed the whole conversation.
Did I do something?
Did I say something?
Are they upset with me?
But Queens, this is the B-Side.
My feelings can give me information, but they don't get to drive.
So instead of getting upset, I thought:
Oh.
Okay.
That's information.
And I know what to do with information.
I adjust.
Because I have learned something in this season of my life.
There is a difference between being needed and being valued.
Some people love your availability.
Love that you answer.
That you listen, love your advice, encouragement.
Your prayers.
The ability to help them straighten out whatever foolishness has occurred this time.
But here's the question:
Do they make room for you when you need them?
I'm not talking about keeping score.
I'm talking about reciprocity.
I matter in this relationship, too.
And sometimes all it takes to show somebody they matter is:
“Girl, I can't talk right now. Can I call you back?”
That's it.
And call back.
Because there is a difference between being unavailable and making somebody feel unwanted.
And at this age, I know the difference.
Now, everybody can have a bad day.
Grace matters.
But so do patterns.
One uncomfortable conversation may be a moment.
Repeated disregard is information.
And once you have the information, you don't need a fight.
You don't need a twelve-paragraph text.
A doctoral thesis.
You don't have to announce, “I'm setting boundaries!”
Just adjust.
Adjust your expectations, availability, access.
Not because you're angry.
Because you're informed.
And hear me clearly:
When I say, “I will not be a nuisance,” I am NOT saying I believe I am one.
I'm saying I will not continue presenting myself in spaces where I'm made to feel like one.
I don't have to beg anybody to value my presence.
I don't have to keep knocking on a door simply because I have always opened mine.
I can love you, pray for you and wish you well.
And I can do it from over here.
Queens, that's not bitterness.
That's grown-woman wisdom.
Stay on the B-Side.
That's where the classics live.

08/27/2026

Hello, B-Side Queens.
Have you ever thought that your lipstick might know something about the economy before you do?
Stay with me.
There’s something called the Lipstick Effect.
When money gets tight, people tend to pull back on the big luxuries.
That vacation might have to wait.
The new car stays on the lot.
And that expensive handbag?
Baby, we’re just going to admire her from a distance.
But a lipstick?
Well, we might be able to swing that.
During difficult economic times, people often turn to smaller luxuries. Something affordable that makes us feel good without doing too much damage to the bank account.
And apparently, we’ve been doing this for generations.
During the Great Recession, while people were cutting back in other areas, beauty products remained an important little indulgence.
Because sometimes a woman doesn’t need a new wardrobe.
She needs a good red lip and somewhere to wear it.
But Queens, it gets even more interesting.
There’s also something called the Hemline Index.
Back in the 1920s, economist George Taylor noticed that when the economy was booming, skirts tended to get shorter.
Think Roaring Twenties.
Flappers.
Shorter dresses.
Movement.
Freedom.
Then came the Great Depression.
And down came the hemlines.
Fashion became more conservative and restrained.
Now, is your skirt length going to tell us what the stock market is doing tomorrow?
Of course not.
But here’s what I find fascinating.
Fashion has always told us something about how people are feeling.
When we feel confident, sometimes we take more risks.
When we feel uncertain, we may reach for things that feel safe, classic, and dependable.
And I think we’re seeing some of that right now.
People are looking at what they already own.
Buying fewer pieces.
Choosing things that can be worn more than one way.
Reaching for classics instead of closets full of trends.
And still, we want that little something that makes us feel good.
That beautiful scarf.
A fabulous pair of earrings.
Or that perfect red lipstick.
Because tightening your budget does not mean you have to stop enjoying beauty.
It means you become more intentional about where you put your money.
And that, my Queens, may be the real. “Sign of the Times.”
Tell me in the comments:
Are you buying less right now?
Are you shopping your own closet?
Or have you noticed yourself reaching for smaller luxuries instead of the big ones?
Because apparently, our closets and makeup bags have been talking about the economy all along.
Stay on the B-Side.

08/22/2026

Since it’s raining and we can’t o any “porch sittin”. We’re going to some “stair sittin” and give thanks and gratitude for all of the blessings given to us.

08/19/2026

Kalonji styling mom.

08/19/2026

08/16/2026

Whole Lotta
Have you ever gotten to the end of the day and thought...
“Lord, that was a whole lotta whole lotta.”
A whole lot of headlines and opinions.
People telling you what to buy, how to look, what to fear, who to be mad at, what to eat, what not to eat.
Just-
A whole lotta whole lotta.
And somewhere along the way, we stopped simply living our lives and started consuming everybody else’s.
Every time we pick up our phones, somebody is trying to convince us that we’re missing something.
That we need something.
That everybody else is happier, healthier, wealthier, better dressed, taking better vacations...
And somehow looking twenty-five at sixty-five.
Queens, that is exhausting.
And somebody is making a whole lot of money from our exhaustion.
Because if I can convince you that you’re always lacking, I can keep you shopping.
And listen, you know I love fashion.
And I am still working on my shoe situation.
But everything requires balance.
We have started confusing stimulation with fulfillment.
And they are not the same thing.
Constant activity is not purpose.
Information is not always wisdom.
And consumption is not abundance.
Sometimes abundance is drinking your coffee while it’s still hot.
Or cold. That’s the way I like mine.
Sometimes luxury is having nowhere you absolutely have to be for the next hour.
Sometimes wealth is sitting on your porch, watching the sun go down, without feeling guilty because you’re not being “productive.”
Queens, one of the greatest acts of self-care today is deciding what gets access to your mind.
Every argument, crisis, and trend isn’t yours.
Every sale certainly isn’t yours.
And every opinion does not require your attention.
Protecting your peace is not selfish.
It is stewardship.
God gave you one mind, one heart, and one nervous system.
Treat them like they’re valuable.
Because they are.
So today, give yourself thirty minutes.
No scrolling.
No shopping.
No headlines.
No endless opinions.
Just you.
Maybe some prayer.
A walk.
A cup of tea.
Or absolutely nothing.
Because the world is always going to offer you...
a whole lotta whole lotta.
But you get to decide how much of it you’re going to carry.
Until next time, B-Side Queens...
Stay on the B-Side.
That’s where the classics live.

08/13/2026

God's Receipts Do Not Fade
We believe that the record is not over yet.
I was speaking with my sisters Val and Kat this morning, we had a pretty amazing discussion. We were talking about receipts as I needed to return something to the store. Our conversation turned into something amazing.
Here’s the ten-cent version.
Have you ever gone to return something and realized the receipt had faded? You know you bought it. You know what you paid. But the proof has almost disappeared.
Life can feel like that sometimes.
Time has a way of fading our memory of what we've already survived.
We remember the diagnosis, but forget the healing.
We remember the heartbreak, but forget that we laughed again.
We remember the rejection, but forget the doors that eventually opened.
Isn't it amazing how quickly we can forget yesterday's victories when today's problems show up?
That's why I love these words from Exodus 14:13-14:
"Do not be afraid. Stand firm... The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Notice, the situation hadn't changed.
The sea was still in front of them.
The danger was still behind them.
But their perspective had to change before their circumstances did.
Sometimes the greatest act of faith isn't moving.
It's remembering.
Remembering that if God carried you through one impossible season, He has not suddenly lost His ability because you've entered another one.
I have my own receipts.
There were moments in my life when I didn't know how I was going to make it. Moments when the doctor's report, the uncertainty, and the fear all seemed louder than hope.
But here I am.
Not because life was easy.
Because God was faithful.
B-Side Queens, start keeping a different kind of receipt.
Not the ones from the grocery store.
Keep the receipts of every prayer that was answered.
Every unexpected blessing.
Every lesson that made you stronger.
Every time life tried to convince you it was over, and somehow, you found yourself standing anyway.
Those are the receipts that matter.
And unlike the paper ones we tuck into our purses...
God's receipts never fade.
And until then...
Remember, the record is not over yet.

12/24/2025

Joyful time of the year!